My parents forced me to eat three times a day growing up. No joke. Three times. Every. Single. Day. And it wasn’t always stuff I liked, either. Matter of fact, I complained a lot about what my mom made. “Ewww, gross! Sauteed zucchini? Seriously? Mom, you know we hate this stuff!” So as I approached adulthood I made an important decision. Since my parents forced me to eat while I was growing up, I decided I was done with meals. Oh, here and there I’ll eat out of obligation. I mean, family traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, I’m there. But daily eating? No way. I’m done.
Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous. But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement.
My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher. He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again. Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?
We’ve never forced our daughter to stay off the road when playing. We don’t want to restrict her imagination. We allow her the freedom to make her own choices in life.
Okay, Ruth. Come on. That one was just ridiculous. No loving parent would ever say that. That’s a safety issue—a matter of life and death. Exactly. And that’s just my point.
Church isn’t a place you go to get pumped up about life. It isn’t entertainment like a movie or concert. It is literally a life and death matter. Eternal life. Just as a loving parent wouldn’t allow their child to wander in the road or to quit school, a loving Christian parent also does not give the option to their children about going to church, learning Bible stories at home, and praying together. Do your kids always jump for joy when they hear you say, “Time to get up! Let’s get ready for church!” No. They won’t. Do they get excited for school every morning? Hardly. But you still make them go. Why? Because you are the parent and you know what’s best. Even when they complain, you serve them healthful meals and limit their junk food intake. You set boundaries for their own safety when playing outside. You insist they go to school because you’re looking at the long term picture. And you are right to do those things. How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?
Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later. That’s on them. But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance. God has placed these precious children into your homes for such a brief while. You have them with you for perhaps a fifth of their lives. Set a strong foundation while they are under your roof. Take them to church. Make sure they understand that they are sinners and that Jesus is their Savior. They are never too young to learn this. My one-and-a-half-year-old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!” Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.” Try them. I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe. And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively. My children sometimes amaze me with the insights they pick up during devotions or Bible readings. The strength of their faith often humbles me. Once when I was having a terrible day, my oldest asked, “Can I pray with you?” He was nine at the time. He knows there is power in prayer. He perceives that sometimes there’s nothing he can say that will make it better, so he’ll just go straight to the One who does have that power.
Do my own kids complain about church? Yes. Do they tell me it’s boring? Sometimes, yes. They say the same things about school. But church and school are different environments for a reason. School is centered around learning and thus has its own schedule and structure. Church is a hospital for sinners. That would be all of us, mind you. You, me, the drug dealer a few streets away—all of us are sinners in need of a Savior. So what do we do at church? We confess our sins. Why do we do this at the start? To “wipe our feet” before entering God’s house, so to speak. Then we are assured of forgiveness. We hear God’s Word. We sing hymns proclaiming what Christ has done for us. We hear sermons where our pastors preach Christ. We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven. No, Christ did it all. 100%. We can’t do one thing to merit salvation for ourselves. That’s why we hear sermons about Jesus and not about us. We take the body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion for the strength of our souls. And we depart refreshed to serve God by serving our families, friends, and neighbors in Christian love.
So parents, don’t give in to outside pressures telling you not to force your kids to go to church. Don’t give in to them, either, when they complain about it. Because at some point an amazing thing happens—that kid who complains about church grows up and takes his or her own kids to church every Sunday. Going back to my opening analogy, believe it or not, there came a point in my own life where I realized I actually liked sauteed zucchini (although I never would have admitted that to my mother). Keep at it, parents. Just as we need three meals a day for physical strength and nourishment, so do we need regular worship to refresh and strengthen our souls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make breakfast.
Author’s note: In response to many of the comments I wrote a new post called To Brainwash a Child? on March 31. You may be interested in checking it out if you haven’t already.

March 24, 2014 at 3:34 pm
Unfortunately, it has been my experience that your illustration about the child complaining about school has been played out in the real world by parents then allowing their children to pick the school they will attend. Sad, really, when a child controls the parent in such a way.
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March 24, 2014 at 6:07 pm
This is the most ridiculous blog I have ever read. Her poor, poor children to have such a moronic mother. Mom must have an elementary level education to be so brainwashed by the fairy tale that is christianity. Hopefully those children will develop better critical thinking skills than their parents.
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March 24, 2014 at 8:20 pm
Jacob, I have nothing against you. I honestly don’t care what you think about me as a person. My blog isn’t about me. It’s about my Savior. I’m not going to waste words defending myself to you, nor will I apologize for my beliefs. I’m also going to resist the urge to get into a fight about religion here. Neither of us will convince the other to change their beliefs. I’ve seen blogs where the comment section gets overtaken by people arguing back and forth. I really don’t want that to happen here. So take note, all reading this- play fair or I will disallow your comments. Thank you for your consideration!
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March 25, 2014 at 2:07 am
Yes, but God gave us free will, right? If the child is not sincere in their heart about attending church, then it is equivalent to them not even being in attendance at all. They know the church exists, and they know you encourage it. But you cannot make a child attend church continuously until it is ingrained into their brain that, that is what their lives should consist of. That IS brainwashing, rather than allowing the child to really develop a want and a desire for a relationship with God/Jesus. You are setting yourself up for failure, and children that will rebel in the future.
Oh, and I would know because my mother was one of those children who were forced to attend church….and does she still attend church as a middle-aged woman? Nope. So your argument that children will grow up to raise their children in church too, is invalid as can be.
Jesus never forced anyone to do anything. He gave them his words, and left the rest up to them.
Just know that this type of explanation of Christianity and the whole idealogy of forcing people to conform to certain standards, beliefs, and etc. is exactly why more and more people are rejecting Christianity. Think about this over some coffee in the morning, or perhaps on your drive to church.
I’ll pray for you.
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March 25, 2014 at 8:26 am
Your response to Jacob is well said Ruth!
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March 25, 2014 at 9:47 am
Lacey, I think the point is that Children don’t really make good choices. I know teenagers who actually like church, but if they happen to be on the xbox when it’s time to go would say, “not today.” They may even come up with some really great reasons why they don’t want to stop playing their xbox. If kids aren’t exposed to church because they never go, they won’t really know what church is, and don’t make informed decisions about whether they want to be a part of one when they are an adult. We know this and don’t let our kids make choices about other areas of their lives when they are young. I think this blog makes a valid point.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:43 am
Great post Ruth! I was taken to church as a child and still attend as an adult, and I believe it is crucial for my spirit to be strengthened every Sunday morning by attending. My children will also attend church and learn about Jesus.
To Lacey: Proverbs 22:6 says “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” It is our responsibility as Christians to teach our children about God and Christ. And taking them to church is a great way to do that. Not only are they learning about Christ, they are surrounded by people who come to Him for forgiveness and strength. I think that’s a point Ruth was trying to make – be the parent and give your child the knowledge that he/she needs to LIVE ETERNALLY. It will be their choice – it’s a DAILY choice we all make – but don’t deny them the knowledge of Christ and therefore their choice.
“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4
“Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:9-11
God has called us to teach our children about Him.
As for your brainwashing statement, how about you change the subject in your statement? “If the child is not sincere in their heart about LEARNING MATH, then it is equivalent to them not even LEARNING MATH at all. They know the MATH exists, and they know you encourage it. But you cannot make a child attend SCHOOL continuously until MATH is ingrained into their brain that, that is what their lives should consist of. That IS brainwashing, rather than allowing the child to really develop a want and a desire for a relationship with MATH. You are setting yourself up for failure, and children that will rebel in the future.” What, and not use MATH? Are you currently rebelling from math? 🙂 I bet you use math – you can count and use money – but did you have a true desire in your heart as a 3, 4, 5 years old to learn math? Or were you GUIDED and TAUGHT things that would help you succeed in life? And what’s more important than LIFE ETERNAL?
You, someone who says “I’ll pray for you”, are attacking another Christian (I’m making an assumption that you yourself are a Christian since you pray) in her post about how important it is to teach children about Jesus and one of the methods she uses – taking her children to church. If you’re that up in arms about a parent parenting their children – as demanded by God – by taking them to church to learn about Jesus, then I’m sure you’re furious at the government for requiring children to attend school. And learn all those things forced upon us – math, English, grammar, history, science, etc. Right? Ruth isn’t saying she’s “forcing” her children “to conform to certain…beliefs” as you say by taking her kids to church, she’s TEACHING her children about Jesus.
Your mother might not attend church now, but has she disowned God and Christ? Where did she get the knowledge of Jesus? Did she learn about Jesus in church as a child? Do not focus on the one aspect of taking children to church and miss the bigger picture – LIFE ETERNAL.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” – Hebrews 10:24-25
Great God-centered reminder, Ruth, of our duty to our children.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:56 am
The word “force” was used once in your headline and twice in your first paragraph. It sounds like you didn’t get much breathing room when you were a kid and it sounds like you aren’t giving yours very much either. You’re doing your best to shove your beliefs down their throats, but have you considered exposing them to any other religions/thought patterns?
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March 25, 2014 at 3:18 pm
Lacey,
I am a mother of three grown sons, in their mid to late thirties. We were in attendance at church every time the doors were open from their birth. They are still in church WITH their children. Enough said.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:06 pm
I’m trying to reply to “Lacey” but not sure this is going to land in the right place. Empty ritual without meaningful interaction, personal connection, or alongside poor family relationship (or serious dysfunction) likely create the situation you describe. But your argument almost sounds like an abdication from any parenting at all. Would you argue that parents should not introduce their children to reading, the arts, or not take them camping, etc… because that would somehow be ‘forced’ upon them?
“It is common wisdom to suggest that churches lose a great many of their youth to non-affiliation during their college years. Studies have shown, however, that the greatest share of disaffiliation among youth occurs ‘before college, and it is related to how important religion is to the parents [and] the amount of love and affection given a child (i.e., more love associated with a greater tendency to affiliate.’ ” — Milton Coalter, quoted in The Presbyterian (USA) General Assembly Report of the Task Force on Membership
“Parents who perform one act of radical faith in front of their children convey more than a multitude of sermons and mission trips.
But it’s not enough to be radical — parents must explain this is how Christians live.
If you don’t say you’re doing it because of your faith, kids are going to say my parents are really nice people. It doesn’t register that faith is supposed to make you live differently unless parents help their kids connect the dots.”
Kenda Creasy Dean
Author of: “Almost Christian”
and “Practicing Passion – Youth and the Quest for a Passionate Church”
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March 25, 2014 at 4:15 pm
Lacey, Kim: You both seem perfectly ok with ignoring the bible in your interpretation of parenthood. Basically, you have decided that Scripture doesn’t mean what it says when it says to train up your child. There’s no happy middle ground where children get to figure it out for themselves. Yes, we look forward to the day when they happily embrace the truth and respond to the Gospel promises. But if you choose not to saturate their daily lives with the means of grace is to basically sign their death-warrant. We are all conceived and born in sin. Leave us to our own devices and we will choose the wide path to destruction. Teach and minister the truth and pray for God’s spirit to work. Brain-washing? That’s a surrender word whereby you accept the world’s rejection of ultimate truth.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:28 pm
Kim: “Breathing room?” Is that like wiggle room? Because you think the lie should be set up as equal with truth? Or perhaps you don’t believe in truth?
Lacey: Life and death. That was the whole point of this post. You are denying the authority and responsibility of parents based on pragmatic grounds, not scripture. Your mother is an adult now. Since you don’t seem to think it important for children to attend church, I’m not sure why you think it a bad thing that she doesn’t now. At the very least, if her church was worth anything, she knows the truth as a result and is without excuse. That’s what the Word of God is — a two-edged sword: some are cut to repentance, others to reprobation. You plan to pray for Ruth (to the God of the Bible I assume?). Hopefully you pray on behalf of your mother’s soul with at least as much fervor.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:32 pm
Ruth Meyer – great response and kudos for not getting tangled in with the bait of arguing. Excellent article too.
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March 24, 2014 at 11:09 pm
Jacob, apparently you are ignorant of the many very well-educated, critically thinking people who have shared Ruth’s faith. Oxford professor C.S. Lewis, for example, was once an atheist and was rigorously trained in logic–yet he became one of the twentieth century’s leading Christian apologists. Numerous books have been written examining Christianity in a critical, thoughtful manner–why don’t you give one a read? Lewis’s Mere Christianity, Lee Strobel’s The Case for Christ, and Josh McDowell’s The New Evidence That Demands a Verdict would all be worth a look.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:10 am
Jacob, I think what she said had merit and value. I am a Christian. I am college student who makes pretty decent grades and I like science and understanding. Does that make me an idiot? I know so people who have genius IQ’s, so because they are Christians that makes them an idiot? I am a very good critical thinker. I always have been. I also am a pessimistic person at heart. I’m just going to tell you why I believe in God.
1. I have been through a lot growing up that I’m almost sure you can not fathom. For one of my classes I had to make a “life map” of all of my ups and downs in life. I will tell you one thing. I sure had a lot of downs. But following every valley was a very tall mountain. All of those mountains stemmed from God, in fact a lot of them happened at Church.
2. There are so many small miracles that are taken for granted. Every life is a miracle. As is every tree, flower, and blade of grass. Intelligence, technology, progression… We take all of these things for granted and although I know the science behind them they are all mind blowing to me! Seriously, just think for a second about the invention of the wheel. That is literally at least three miracles. Someone was born, they were intelligent and God granted them an idea, thus the technology.
3. Obviously the universe is constantly expanding, multiplying and changing. There is a likely possibility there is life on other planets. I can not argue with that. That would be unfair. It is entirely possible that earth was formed by an expansion in the universe. I will not argue with that either. But what caused the Earths expansion? What caused the unbelievably intricate (So intricate that we can not figure out a way to preserve it) system of life that we have? What caused the unbelievably intricate system of science that we have.
Jacob, I have heard and studied the science. I get all of that stuff, I am relatively logically minded. I still choose to believe in a God who love all of his creation and chose to not let them live in eternal misery. (just for kicks and giggles, misery for me is life without my Savior. Whenever I forsake him I am miserable. To me, that is hell.) It adds an entire air of positive to my daily life. So much so that I don’t have to bash and disrespect you for your beliefs. The only reason I commented is because I really struggle with people bullying others. Jacob, this is a well written article and Ruth makes great points. What was the point of the disrespect? For you to convince yourself of your own beliefs while attempting to make this strong woman appear small? I can understand and appreciate your beliefs but is there anyway you can convey them in a not quite so demeaning way? It simply comes down to respect. I hope you realize that all Christians are not idiots who just have a “moronic elementary education.” Congratulations on using the big words. You seem pretty intelligent. But she did something that you could not do and I think it has to do with her faith. She showed you kindness and love even when you were not. You got angry at her for just expressing an opinion not directed at you, and went back to elementary school with name calling.
I know this is rather cliche, But I’m going to say it anyways. Look Jacob, no matter how you feel about religion, there is a God up there who loves you anyways, no matter what you say or do about him. No matter how much you hate even the idea of him he loves you. I really truly hope that someday someone can display that to you in such a way that you believe it.
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March 25, 2014 at 6:34 am
Well said SJ!! I don’t understand the need for people to be disrespectful and bully people either! If you don’t like “the church” or Christianity….why read the article in the first place? Jacob needs to grow up….and as for intelligence, Jacob….you just proved you lack it……But hey God doesn’t care how intelligent you are, He loves you anyway!!! Isn’t that a great!?!
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March 25, 2014 at 8:34 am
This is neither helpful nor persuading. If you have arguments against Ms. Meyer, present them in a clear and reasoned fashion. Otherwise, refrain from pantomiming the stereotype.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:48 am
I couldnt agree more with your post. I grew up thinking along the lines that Christianity was real..then I started seriously studying Christian history and it all fell apart. People will argue but facts are facts …they simply dont understand that they are worshipping a multitude of deities wrapped up into one…Jesus.
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March 25, 2014 at 7:27 pm
Facts are facts, yes, and your comment is not fact. There is no such thing as people “worshipping a multitude of deities wrapped up into one… Jesus.” That’s blatantly false, and nothing in my post would suggest such a notion. There’s no room for the politically correct vision of all roads leading to heaven. Jesus is the only way to heaven.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:59 am
This is a silly analogy. Kids eat whether you force them to or not. Not so much with church. As a child who was made to attend church three to four times a week, be involved with family bible studies and attend a christian church, the over reliance on the bible and complete disregard for anything that smelled of contradiction was a strong motivating factor in my leaving christianity as an adult. Sometimes, less is more.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:41 pm
There is nothing logical about our sinful state. To sin is against our best interests and yet we do sin. We eat food because our desires and needs are aligned. Someone who doesn’t desire fellowship with God desires death. His desires and needs are not aligned. So the analogy is spot-on.
Carrie, regardless of your individual church experience, it is dishonest of you to pretend that if you had only had a little less church, you would somehow have faith today. If there is some whiff of regret, perhaps you should turn to Christ for the answers instead of coming here to criticize.
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March 25, 2014 at 5:29 pm
I think you’re right, Carrie. If a kid goes long enough without eating because they’re turning their nose up at what’s available, they’re only going to miss a meal or two. After that, things (usually) go back to normal. A more accurate analogy would probably be:
Let’s say that for one month, I serve my kids nothing but rancid meat and rotten vegetables and moldy bread. They are going to gag and run away from the table, right?
Ruth, author of this post, might reply to that with, “But that’s not what nutritious meals are supposed to be! That’s never what we were intended to feed ourselves with!”
Well, Friend… the majority of churches I’ve attended visited (and the majority of churches my friends have attended and visited) serve up the spiritual equivalent of rancid meat, rotten vegetables and moldy bread. It’s not just about the congregation members being a bit snobby – many doctrines are full of exclusivity and judgment. Many Christian denominations are stagnant and refuse to grow and learn with what the Lord reveals to us through scientific research. And way too many churches are stuck in the Law of the Old Testament and they do not seem to have made it into the love and grace we have with Jesus in the New Testament.
Those negative teachings, the ones that bear bad fruit, were never what God intended we nourish ourselves with. So, when parents see the bad fruit offered at so many churches, and then gag and run away… do not try to guilt them into not forcing rancid spiritual food down their children’s throats, too.
(For the record, I am a Christian, married to a Christian and we’ve spent a very long time finding a good, positive church to attend with our two kids. It took a lot of work, but we finally found one!)
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March 25, 2014 at 12:40 pm
I agree with Jacob. I’d have an easier time getting my kids to believe in Santa all their lives. In fact, if you want your kids to believe in God DON’T take them to church. It WAY to ridiculous!
To be honest, who wants to believe in a God who condemns anybody who doesn’t believe in him! A God who will split families up in the afterlife. He sounds more like a demon to me.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:27 pm
You’re right about one thing- God isn’t fair. If He was truly fair, He would condemn us all. Our sin separates us from a holy, perfect God. “The wages of sin is death,” the Bible tells us in Romans 6:23. But God wasn’t content to let us stay that way. In love, He sent Jesus to live the perfect life we couldn’t, then punished Jesus for our sins. Now, that is unfair. Yet to all who believe in Jesus, eternal life awaits. Romans 6:23 continues, “but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.
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March 25, 2014 at 5:05 pm
Ruth, you could not have answered this better.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:43 pm
Knowing Jacob Allen almost my whole life and growing up in the same Christian church. I too, was made to go to church weekly when my family went. Did I dislike it, yes very much. The first chance I was out on my own and had the choice to go I didn’t. Did that make me less of a Christian than you? I don’t think so. Please read Romans 3:23.
As a mother of a small child and now working in the professional world, I earn to have a active working relationship with God. That doesn’t mean I go to church every Sunday. It means I have intimate relationship with him in ALL aspects of my walk with Christ. I see and feel him out on horse back in the mountains, or camping at one of the state parks. I see him working and healing children with cancer or give peace to a grieving person due to the loss of a loved one.
I for one, will NEVER make my child GO to church. It is about learning WHY Christ came to this god awful place and give his only son. We are to teach as parents not dictate what our children do or how they think.
On a side note-
Jacob is VERY much a God fearing man, and VERY knowledgeable about the bible. Its pretty amazing! He could probably run circles around most of you with that knowledge.
I pray you give your children room to grown and make informed decisions for themselves. I for one want a self thinker…not one that has been forced down a path because his/her parents say so.
B-
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March 25, 2014 at 5:02 pm
Unfortunately it’s parents like you that cause children to think they can get and do whatever the heck they want. As a teacher I see plenty of kids that disrespect all authority figures because of parents that let them think they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. It’s horrible and not the kids fault they are brought up this way.
Heaven forbid we make our kids do things they don’t want to do because we know what’s best for them. I know kids “self-thinkers”. I’m eternally grateful I was taught to have to work my butt off for everything I get and that sometimes, or even a lot of the time, I am not going to get my way… and that’s okay.
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March 24, 2014 at 8:11 pm
I love this! My parents drug me to church my entire life. As long as I was in school I was required to go. I rebelled and quit going for awhile bit since my parents had kept praying and kept inviting me I am now dragging my children to church. They only miss when we’re out of town or sick. No excuses. I make sure we never miss because it sets a bad example for them and I need it to make it through the week.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:44 am
Erica, well said! God Bless you!
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March 24, 2014 at 8:44 pm
I agree with it all!! What struck me was the comment ‘we only have our kids 1/5 of their life’. Hummmmm. We only have our spouse, if we are lucky, 3/5 of our life. We have God 100% of our life whether we acknowledge it or not. Because you deny it, does not make Truth false. Keep on blogg’en!!
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March 24, 2014 at 8:55 pm
Well said! As a long-time youth leader but non-parent, I really struggle when I see parents not bringing their teens to church, and when I see kids who were my youth a year or two ago drift away once they start university. But hearteningly, parents my age with very young children are bringing their squirming toddlers to church and sticking with it, even though it’s hard work. I have high hopes for the generation of teens I plan to be working with in ten or twelve years! 🙂 I’m going to share your post around.
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March 24, 2014 at 9:28 pm
good post
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March 24, 2014 at 11:38 pm
I have mixed emotions on this…I understand the reasoning and I have adult children who for the most part all grew up in church. Some have come back others are still on the fence. The oldest ones were “forced” to go, the younger ones given the choice of which church they wanted to go to…I don’t care if my kids hate school, or veggies etc…I DO care if they hate church…It behooves us to know our kids and what will push them over the edge and what will not…
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March 25, 2014 at 9:15 am
If hating church pushes your child over the edge, then somewhere along the way I believe a parent has failed in their responsibility. Too much we’re telling kids they don’t have to do something because they don’t like it. Why? We’re their parents…WE have the responsibility of raising them. And when we fool them into thinking they don’t have to do stuff they don’t like, we’re raising the next generation of welfare abusers who want everything for nothing because they never had to work at anything.
Sometimes my children have a hard time sitting through a service. They’d much rather be at home playing Super Mario Bros or reading their A-Z Mystery books. And then suddenly, something clicks with them as their dad is preaching from the pulpit. The conversations after church often amaze me. Kids have a better grip on faith than adults could ever hope for. But that grip is what we need to nourish…not the idea that if a kid hates church they shouldn’t have to go.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:32 am
well said
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March 24, 2014 at 10:37 pm
I wish I had read this when my daughter was young.
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March 24, 2014 at 10:40 pm
Our late Pastor asked: “Do you remember all the meals you have ever eaten?” The answer, of course, is no. But, each meal kept you going until the next one. The same with going to worship. I don’t remember every sermon, epistle, or gospel I have ever heard, but I know they gave me strength to live my life for Jesus until we gathered in his house the next time.
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March 24, 2014 at 10:49 pm
My parents forced me to attend Sunday School, church, and take part in every youth group activity (children’s choir, etc.) that our church offered from the time I was old enough to remember until I moved out of the house to go to college. I RESENTED it then and I vehemently complained about it, but to no avail. All my parents told me was that I could make my own choice when I was on my own and had my own family. As long as I lived under their roof, I would do as they pleased.
Well, I am 42 years old and I made my own choice a long time ago. I haven’t set foot in a church for a weekly worship service in the 23 years I’ve been out of my parents’ house. I attend other people’s weddings and funerals. That’s it. I’m married with two kids and I certainly will never make my kids go. If they ever woke up one Sunday and said they wanted to go, I would happily drive them there, drop them off, and pick them up afterwards, but I won’t be there.
I love my parents and have a great relationship with them, but this is THE thing they did very, very wrong when raising my brother and I (he’s taken the same stance as I). When you have something crammed down your throat against your will for 18+ years, chances are pretty good you’re not going to have much interest in it when the choice is finally yours. I have nothing against the church or religion in general. I consider myself a Christian and I try to live my life and raise my kids in the way I think God would want. But forcing someone to do something against their will, PARTICULARLY when they reach an age when they can begin making informed decisions of their own, is a bad choice!
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March 25, 2014 at 9:18 am
So do you force your kids to go to school? God knows what a chore THAT was!
If you consider yourself a Christian, then understand that the bible speaks frequently about fellowshipping and edifying your faith. That you believe church was crammed down your church shows a very basic misunderstanding of what church is.
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March 25, 2014 at 3:35 pm
‘misunderstanding of what church is’–UH is this article not evoking the perspective of FORCING the Bible and Church onto children? THAT is a complete misunderstanding of what Jesus would want and what Christianity is. My, my, the contradictory level is high in this blog and commentary.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:34 pm
Chris – Did your parents ever make you brush your teeth against your will? Mine did! In fact I hated brushing my teeth and I really hated going to the dentist. So my parents gave up making me brush my teeth and I stopped going to the dentist for over 11 years. I didn’t want to so I didn’t When I finally went back my teeth were in such bad shape that it took months of dental work to fix the problem. My problem was simple, I didn’t grasp the blessings of doing something even though I didn’t want to. Going to church, SS, youth group doesn’t make any sense if we don’t grasp the blessing. If it simply just another thing we do then as teenager it becomes like school and we hate it. It makes me said that somewhere along the line no one ever took the time to share with you the reason behind and the blessing that comes from God’s church. I am 38 now and my kids love going to church, and I hope it’s because as a dad I have taken the time to share with them that we go because this a great time to be with Jesus and discover his great love for us.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:36 pm
Comparing physical/body needs with going to church is asinine. You need to eat to survive. You need to brush your teeth to prevent losing them. Nothing about going to church or not will affect your physical well being. Do not compare them.
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March 25, 2014 at 5:57 pm
All analogies fail at some point, it is true. Eternal well-being is indeed far more important than temporary physical well-being. With God’s help, my husband and I are doing all we can to ensure both for our children.
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March 24, 2014 at 10:55 pm
Excellent article. I enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing.
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March 24, 2014 at 11:10 pm
Sounds about right Ruth. Go against me and I will not allow your comments!
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March 25, 2014 at 6:06 am
It has nothing to do with going against me. Did I not allow a comment that blatantly insulted me? I just ask people to be considerate in voicing their opinions.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:19 am
Sounds like you just failed to read what she wrote. Thoroughly.
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March 24, 2014 at 11:41 pm
My children were made to go as long as they are living in my home. My only difference may be at the age of 16, they were allowed to go to another Bible believing church. We always checked these churches out and sometimes went with them to their church and sometimes they went to ours. Funny thing is they ended up going to a church of our faith, but with more people their ages. They are all adults now and continue going on their own.
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March 24, 2014 at 11:53 pm
Church is good for rituals, rigid structure, discipline, etc… But personally I find that church does not always give the best direction in terms of exercising at least a good sense of spirituality. This applies to both Roman Catholic and Non-Denominational. I’m also wary of those who change their beliefs in an “all-of-the-sudden” manner and become very vocal about their faith and strong beliefs. 3 months later they’re down and depressed as ever and seem to forget they ever had belief in the first place. At this point, I’ve had so many varied experiences with churches that I digress, I have become more of a knowledge seeker at this point. I do not limit my mind. I need wisdom from multiple sources so that it ceases to become stale and rigid. I will press knowledge upon my children but I also know corrupt parenting. The pains of choosing a school for you grade, junior, or high school student without regard to their interest, but rather to your own. My parents taught me corruption, I will not repeat the same mistake. When you come of age you become too affected by your resentment, so much so that truth no longer concerns you because you can’t believe anything they say anyway. Example setting is supposed to be effective but only when it is impartial to self interest. My Children will be free to make their own choices, I will simply make them aware of the potential consequences of their choices, the numerous other beliefs out there, the stories and wars of the past (ie: Ishmael and Isaac/Muslims and Christians), the dual nature, the cultures that do not fear punishment or death, and the contributions of science.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:25 am
Very well said! My girls have been going to church with us since they were babies and thankfully we attend a church that tolerates young children (I’ve heard some churches prefer children to go to the nursery) Even if they color, play, etc. ,they are still sitting with you and learning the hymns, prayers, and finding comfort in the church community.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:30 am
It saddens me to read Jacob Allen’s comments regarding Christianity–that “moronic” people believe in that fairy tale. You may have your opinion, but are you willing to bet your eternal life on it being a fairy tale? Jesus died for you–don’t throw that away!
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March 25, 2014 at 8:32 am
I don’t approve of Jacob’s comments, but your argument won’t really convince any unbeliever considering that by following Jesus, you are risking your eternal salvation if it turns out Mohammed was right all along.
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March 25, 2014 at 3:48 am
I have 3-grandchildren. Two of them have parents who don’t believe in religion at all. Unfortunately, they have instilled this belief onto their children. My other grandchild, however, goes to religious instruction every Saturday morning. Sometimes I drive her (because her mother is working.) I’ve noticed that her kindness and feelings for others is more pronounced than the others. Any parent who would deny a child the choice of accepting God into their life is a greedy and cruel parent. Any person who knocks another’s belief in God, or any other religion, is a person without a soul.
Good post. Ignore the naysayers, for it is their tree that lays barren of the fruits of life.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:26 am
Wow.
I was forced to go to church as a child. I felt in my heart something was not right as I attended. I went to many different churches as a late teen early adult and still felt something was not right. I believe in God but after spending time thinking with my own brain and researching and stepping back and looking at the big picture I came to a new understanding about God and organized religion. I have three kids, two in their teens. They don’t attend church and although I am honest with my children I encourage them to follow their own hearts regarding religion. I let my youngest go with her grandmother when she was 4 and she came back in tears and had nightmares for weeks because of her experience in Sunday school. What I actually wanted to address after reading Joseph’s comment was I am complemented frequently on my children’s behavior. They are loving, they are not judge mental, they stand up for others, they obey and get good grades and never back talk. Please don’t base your experiences on all.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:56 am
Joseph, your post gave me goosebumps. Thanks for uplifting words! God Bless You!
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March 25, 2014 at 1:04 pm
Wow. If you criticize those who are superstitious, you have no soul?? Is this not the heart of religious judgementalism?
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March 25, 2014 at 8:03 am
Ruth, would it be okay with you if I print out your article and share it others?
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March 25, 2014 at 8:29 am
Certainly. 🙂
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March 25, 2014 at 8:30 am
Apparently you had a good church experience in your childhood. Good for you. However, you seem to be so unaware that there are church experiences unlike yours that you caricaturise every person who has left the church, or left Christianity as having left for ‘ridiculous reasons.’
I know this may be hard for you to believe, considering you are unable to vocalise a good reason to not attend church beyond boredom,’ but spiritual abuse really does happen. There are many people out there who have been deeply hurt by your church, and even more who have been irreparably damaged. Sure, it’s easy to force your kids to attend church even as they beg and plead not to go. If it turns out their priest or pastor is raping them, as has happened to thousands of children in recent years alone, are you going to feel a bit guilty about forcing them into hell or are you going to comfort yourself with the knowledge that at least they heard the word of your god in the process?
I don’t go to church any more. I’m not a Christian any longer. I suppose to you that makes me a rebellious, lost, and wicked man, but I really don’t give a rat’s eye. When I was growing up in Ireland, terrorists in Christian militias were killing thousands of my people. And the Church funded it – Catholic and Protestant both. I remember sitting in Mass listening to prayers for the deaths of Protestants, and saw Protestants do the same. I’ve seen bullets, beatings, car bombs, all paid for by your religion. So no. I haven’t willingly been inside a church since I was ten years old. I’m not going to show tacit approval to the butchers of my people. That is my choice, but it is the right choice.
And from my experiences in America, your version of Christendom is no different. Some times people don’t take kindly to being emotionally and spiritually abused. They hurt from the ostracisation and vicious backstabbing that permeates church culture. They are forced between calling their LGBT loved ones abominations or people with rights and lives. At the very least your children are being told that they are broken, vile, evil individuals who are worthy of nothing but eternal horrors in the fiery pit of hell, which in any other context would absolutely constitute as child abuse.
The millions and millions of people who have been left broken, angry, damaged and abused by the church didn’t just spring out of nowhere. Their journey starts when you decide that the theological dominance of your beliefs are more important than what is good and right.
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March 25, 2014 at 2:21 pm
Yes, I did have a good church experience in my childhood. And contrary to what some responses say, my parents were very loving and did not rule our house with an iron fist, marching us to church like little soldiers. We knew attending church was not an option, but our parents didn’t threaten us or any such nonsense. They lived out their faith at home, at church, at restaurants- everywhere. I am indeed blessed to have had such a wonderful family of origin.
I was blessed as well to have an excellent church, both as a child and as an adult. I am a member of the Lutheran Church- Missouri Synod, and quite honestly, most of my original core of readers are LCMS as well. This post exploded beyond LCMS readers, so I understand that there are many different church experiences out there beyond Lutheranism.
Your comments about spiritual abuse are quite true, and I have no stomach for such things. If there are cases of abuse as you mention, those should be reported immediately and dealt with. I would never agree with forcing a child to attend a church where they are being abused. That is blatant hypocrisy, and it endangers people’s souls.
Yes, countless wars have also been fought in the name of religion, and that is unacceptable. But that’s not the point of this article at all. I’m not endorsing fighting wars against other religions or any such notion.
You mention as well that people are forced to choose between “calling their LGBT loved ones abominations or people with rights and lives.” Christians are compelled to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15), but that does not mean we go around calling people “abominations.” We are urged to point out sinful behaviors wherever they are manifested. We do this “in love,” though. The goal of pointing out any sin is not to shame or disgrace the person, but to call them to the right understanding of the truth shared in the Bible. I’ve had people call me out on sin before. One time a lady told me I was gossiping too much. It was embarrassing, but she was right. Sometimes the truth is painful. But it doesn’t end with condemning sin. Beyond the Law shines the beautiful promise of the Gospel, forgiveness and restoration with God.
As for telling my children they are “broken, vile, evil individuals who are worthy of nothing but eternal horrors in the fiery pit of hell,” nothing could be further from the truth. If you were to ask my kids if I tell them such things, they’d look at you in utter confusion. Children are sinful. So are you. So am I. So is every other person on this earth. But Jesus took our sins upon Himself and carried our punishment to the cross. We do not have to burn in hell. Jesus made it possible for us to enjoy eternity with Him in heaven. My kids are well aware of the amazing Gospel message, and can vocalize it better than some adults, honestly. My husband and I don’t guilt or bully them into believing. We bring them to church, speak about and live our faith at home, and explain the Bible to them when they don’t understand. And God is working in amazing ways in their young lives. I pray that their faith continues to grow ever stronger throughout their lives.
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March 25, 2014 at 8:38 am
Interesting comments. One aspect of children wanting to attend church is the attitude of the parents. If they are dragging around the house on Sunday morning with a “We gotta go to church “Bah Humbug” attitude, the kids will pick it up. If the parents drop their kids off for Sunday school and then go to IHOP for breakfast, what does that say to the kids? The crowning blow is when parents let their kids ignore church on Sunday because they have a soccer or ball game to play. Organized sports are a distraction to families and the church and parents buy into the mantra that “it’s good for the kids”. To some degree, yes. But when it interferes with family and church life, it’s bad. Oh, a little FYI….if the dad attends church with the family, there’s a 85% chance that the kids will attend as adults. If dad doesn’t attend, there’s a 10-15% chance the kids will attend as adults.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:55 pm
Excellent comments. Thank you for showing the importance of fathers in their children’s spiritual upbringing. I have seen both sides of this myself, and I find it very true that dads who do not attend worship services tend to have kids who won’t when they grow up either. Fathers, take note! You are critical in your child’s upbringing in many ways!
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March 25, 2014 at 8:50 am
I am the product of a family that expected us–the kids–to attend church as long as we were living at home. When I left home I attended less frequently; however, when I realized the importance of Church and of having God in my life I started attending regularly. My husband is the son of a preacher, consequently he was drug from church to church forcefully until he went into the Marines. It was there that he realized that God was missing from his life–and he made a decision to put God in control of his life and to attend church regularly. While we were raising our 4 sons we all attended church regularly. As our boys got older we found them skipping church and Sunday School. It got to be such a problem that we decided to have church at home. My sons and even husband complained that our church time was full of “too much teaching”. I didn’t get it: I thought learning about the Bible and what it teaches us was the point of Sunday School! After many frustrating weeks I gave up fighting–getting no support from my spouse I couldn’t make my kids go to church with me. The husband had developed that “let them choose” mentality. Even though I disagreed I left it to him–and still hold him accountable for those years. Where are our sons spiritually now? None of them attends Church, although the oldest does let his 2 year-old son go to church with mommy. Our next oldest says he believes, but drinking and hanging out with his Army buddies takes priority. The 3rd son has no interest in spiritual things, and our youngest son, who has been in and out of jail and in prison, is making no effort to teach his toddler daughter about Jesus. He had a “jail house” conversion, and we spent hours during visits discussing the Bible and God with him (the most joyful time of our lives, even though he was in prison!). He was excited until he got out, then gradually stopped attending. I really believe if we would have DRUG them to church they might not have gotten involved with DRUGS and alcohol, or would possibly have had that Church habit to return to. I wholeheartedly regret not doing things differently and standing up for what I believed was right at the time. Please, drag your kids to church! Give them that firm foundation! They can make their own choice later, after they are grown. Be a responsible parent and teach them what you feel is right! That’s what you do in every other circumstance, isn’t it?
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March 25, 2014 at 8:58 am
I believe in the overall premise of this article that we, as parents, need to instruct our children in God and his word daily. And they must obey their parent and not throw a temper tantrum. However, there is a grave error in our modern day church era teaching people we can “go to Church.” See, the Church is not a building, service, or meeting–it’s people. The Church is a universal collection of born-again children of God. On Sundays, the Church gets together to celebrate Jesus’ resurrection. It may seem like semantics or not really important, but this teaching causes confusion among Christians and our children grow up with this mentality.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:05 am
Children need to understand that they are sinners? What a horrible thing to tell your child! Accept God or burn in hell? Yeah I’ll keep the fire and brimstone conversation out of my sons life until he is old enough to understand it’s just a fairy tale and it won’t give him nightmares. You Christians are crazy to be telling your children this crap.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:51 pm
When did you teach your son to sin? Kids are sinful, as any parent can tell you. They make mistakes and talk back and hit their brother or sister. Are those sins? Yes. Do I scare my kids and tell them, “You’re going to burn in hell for hitting your brother?” Absolutely not. They are all well aware of the fact that they are sinful, and they also know that I forgive them. Much more importantly, they know that Jesus forgives them. No, they will not burn in hell. Jesus already took our punishment upon Himself. He literally suffered hell for us. I can’t think of better news than that!
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March 25, 2014 at 9:21 am
As a parent, I have always dragged my kids to church, even on those cold yucky days where no one wants to get out of bed, including me. I was also dragged to church as much as possible when I was younger. The lessons I learned there and the faith that was granted to me is something that I am thankful for on a daily basis. Thanks for writing this article.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:42 am
The problem with those who say they won’t compel their children to participate in religious formation is that they are already being formed by a culture that is consumeristic, violent, sexualized and competitive–none of which they get much choice about. It is absolutely not the case that if they get no Christian formation that they get no formation. They WILL be formed. They will be formed in values, in most cases, contrary to love of God and neighbor.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:42 am
Thanks for a good read and conversation starter. I hear the concern of those who say, “I was forced to go to church and I’ve resented it so much that I haven’t been back since I was a kid.” As Christian parents, we should take our children to church. In my family it is not an option as long as you live under my roof, but…
As parents we not only have a responsibility to take our children to church, but to show and tell them why. If church is all about wearing uncomfortable clothes, sitting up straight and getting pinched when they are naughty, then when our children grow up, they will resent it.
If, however, we show and tell them what it means to love Jesus and be loved by him.– if we talk about our faith, pray with our children and live our faith during the week as well as on Sunday — that will speak more strongly to them than 1,000 sermons.
Due to immaturity, children (especially adolescents) need a push to keep them in church. Ruth pointed that out well. Our goal as parents, though, is to teach our children the joy of going to visit our heavenly Father in his house so they continue to do it willingly their whole lives through.
So, parents, take your kids to church every Sunday. Give ’em a push out of bed and out the door if you have to, but don’t forget to also show and teach them why!
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March 25, 2014 at 1:46 pm
Exactly. “Church” should never be a Sunday-only thing. If one’s faith isn’t lived out 24/7, kids pick up on that easily. Faith must be practiced sincerely at all times.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:47 am
Ruth, what a great article! I will certainly be sharing this at church, youth group, and Sunday School. I pray for all those that have not had the loving, Christ centered, upbringing that I had, and that I’m giving my kids. GOD BLESS YOU!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:03 am
We have to understand that individuals who reject Christianity will not be convinced through logical arguments. It is only the power of God through His Word that can do change (convert) hearts. Recently I went and saw the movie “God’s not dead” portraying the “Jacob” types out there. Outside of a few concerns i.e. decision theology, praying someone into belief, and a call of action message that is not specific gospel, the movie has a powerful message. I recommend seeing it
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March 25, 2014 at 10:03 am
Love this! God had entrusted our parents in raising us. He told our parents to raise us in the light of his Son, to teach us right from wrong. He also taught us to obey our parent so in all sense they were not forcing us to go they were obeying the Father and we were rebellious to our parents teachings. In this we were wrong to disobey our parents which our parents taught us right from wrong so we knew rebelling against our parents was wrong and we were sinning and sinning led us towards the devils lures and our parents trying to save us lead us to church towards the light of Jesus Christ our savior. So thank you mom and dad for listening to God and “forcing” me to live the right way instead of the wrong.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:19 am
Thank you for sharing this excellent article. =) Me and my 3 other siblings were “forced” to go to church every sunday but we grew up to be mature and Jesus-loving. Im not sure why some people would think it is “brainwashing” and depraves children of their free-will. I guess it depends if this forceful-early-sunday-trip is bounded by love or not. And i think the community and the church also has a role in it.
I remember Deuteronomy 11:18-19
“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Talking to our children about God and His love through our Saviour Jesus Christ is not just about waking them up every sunday, but talking about God when we sit, walk, sleep, or get up from bed every day. =)
I am not a parent yet but this is my experience on how I was raised to love and share Jesus. I hope to be able to do this to my children when the time comes.
Thank you and may God bless you more to make you a blessing to many!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:22 am
Like an earlier responder I was also taken to church every time the doors were open while I was growing up. I didn’t resent it. It was a part of our lives just like school, play, eating, sleeping. I didn’t feel it was forced on me, just a part of our lives. I am so grateful to my parents that they raised me this way. Our home wasn’t perfect, but I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anyone’s. I developed many friendships in that church and our current church. My church friends are my best friends.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:23 am
My parents forced me to go to church until I was old enough to drive. Then I outright refused. Now I’m a Pagan and couldn’t be happier with my beliefs. I always questioned whether or not “God” was really a male/Father figure. I remember asking my mother why God didn’t have a wife, why God needed genitalia at all if He was the creator of the universe–why an all-powerful being would need to be male to create everything. I was 7 years old at the time…
I was never given an adequate answer to any of these questions, even from my pastor at the time. Now I know that there is both a God and a Goddess. When I came to this realization, it was like falling into the arms of a loving mother.
Now my church is nature and the wind is the breath of the Creators breathing warmth and love into my soul. No one has to force me to go to the park or go for a stroll by the river. I do it because I love hearing the voice of Love whispering in the trees or singing softly in the babbling brooke. I do it because it brings me serenity.
Am I saying that my parents forcing me to go to church is what “drove me to Paganism?” No, not at all. But I don’t think that it “helped” me, either. I was always the person I was going to be… it just wasn’t realized yet. You can’t force your children to believe something that doesn’t sit well with them, just as my parents couldn’t force me into believing something that didn’t make sense to me, either. You probably don’t want to hear this, but it’s the truth.
Anyway, I wish you no ill will and am just sharing my experience. Blessings to you and your family!
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March 25, 2014 at 11:04 am
Good article, but the title is extremely misleading. You are saying, in your own words, that you should/would/do force children to go to church?
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March 25, 2014 at 11:07 am
Ruth, Thank you I have 4 boys and I struggle every week getting them to church but I still get them there. My Dad forced me until I turned 18 to get up every morning and go to church even those sunrise services on Easter morning. I left church for a very long time. Since my return 2 years ago I have found strength to get me through everyday until I return again the next week. I started going back when my Dad was extremely ill and since going back and praying asking God for forgiveness for being away so long and asking him to please keep my dad well and with us and I also thank God for the 4 HEALTHY boys I have. My Dad is still with us thank you God he may not ever beat cancer but he is stronger today then he was 2 years ago. Your words helped me by putting my mind at ease that I am doing the right thing by forcing my boys to go to church. They may not continue to go after I stop forcing them but I have instilled in them that church and God are there and there to help when they are ready for it…….
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March 25, 2014 at 11:11 am
I must say, this is, quite possibly, the most guilt-addled, misguided thing I’ve ever read. Not to question your intentions, but the fact is Paul had good intentions, too, when he was Saul, before the road to Damascus. He was just caught in the wrong system.
Please tell me, what does modern churchianity have to do, in the least, with God’s vision of HIs ekklesia/koinoneia? I’ll give you a hint: Not one bit.
There are no pews, sermons, committees, “churches” (as we use that word today) or pastors in the Bible. Instead, there was vibrant, Spirit-led, Body-life. “Church” is NOT somewhere you go or something you do. It is who you are and how you live, every single day. If we demonstrate for our kids that “church” is a place and a time, and a boring chore at that, we are setting them up for spiritual failure. God, in His infinite grace, may pull them through, despite our unintentional efforts to the contrary, but it is miraculous (and rare!) when it happens.
What we today call “church” is 100% man made. As you aptly point out, it makes our Living God seem boring like broccoli. And that, my friend, is a true tragedy.
Sitting in a pew, with the air at 72, without a spiritual clue, is the WORST thing we can do “in His name.” Forcing our kids to do that is very likely driving them away from the God we love and serve. It is most certainly painting the wrong picture of our God and how He desires us to live in authentic, organic Body-life.
After more than a decade of front-line youth ministry, and having been blessed to baptize 100s of teenagers over the years, I can tell you this unequivocally: IT IS EASIER TO REACH AN UNCHURCHED PERSON FOR CHRIST THAN IT IS TO LEAD A “CHURCHED” PERSON TO A REAL RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
I implore you to apply your admirable faith and passion towards understanding God’s meaning of the word “church.” It’ll change your life — and your kids’ lives — dramatically, and for the better.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:46 pm
Mike – Obviously you are a passionate servant of the LORD, but much of what you say is strictly opinion. What we call church today is “100% man-made”. Really? Read early church history and you will discover that much of what we do is an extension of what Jesus did. Read acts 2:42 – 47. That’s sounds like a lot of churches that I have been to, nothing man made there. There is nothing boring in my world about praising God, praying, receiving his body and blood for the forgiveness of sins, listening to the word read and preached, giving to help others in their time of need. True church is not about buildings or programs, it’s about the people of God gathered together to be in the presence of Jesus and to be continually reminded of why we need him.
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March 25, 2014 at 2:53 pm
I couldn’t agree more, David. Thanks for the comment!
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March 25, 2014 at 4:33 pm
Mike, I’m almost on that page with you. BUT I think you need to recognize that there are ‘churches’ out there emerging from the ashes AND/OR where there is healthy understanding of what the Church really is within or alongside an ongoing use of typical Sunday morning worship places (with the pews, etc…).
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March 25, 2014 at 6:52 pm
The book of Acts was written about the first church. We are commanded to assemble together in the book of Hebrews.
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March 25, 2014 at 11:26 am
I have worked with young people for a very long time. And the truth is there are some churches I send my dog too. Now this article didn’t focus on churches it focused on children going to church. It focused on why parents shouldn’t give up on sending their kids to church. I think this article was ok but the article was lacking in a few areas. One I think parents do need to pay attention to where they are send there kids to church.The worst assumption that a parent can make is that this church worked for me and it will work for you. Parents who are concerned about there children spiritual development will pay attention and will send there kids to a place that can communicate the gospel in a way they can at least comprehend. Now notice I didn’t say like because if parents are honest they don’t like going to church every Sundsy. But they know they will at least learn something. I think what this article needs is a part 2. Like what can Churches do to be more kid friendly. Again there are some churches that I would avoid like the plague. As a minister at my own church I told my wife to take my children to a different church because my church was not ready or prepared for engaging children. We should not let churches off the hook. Just like we as Christian parents shouldn’t allow our children to avoid Church. But the numbers don’t lie people are having a harder time convincing children that church is important. I’m praying for parents because while we can drag them to church at some point we have to pray that they will come to a place of descion to follow Christ. We must promote community but I’m not in to twisting arms. Ultimately I just don’t think it works especially if the church. But I do believe in finding something that works and really until they reach a certain age parents still should do what they need too. But for God sakes please check out what your kid is learning and don’t drop them off like Childresn church is another baby sitting service.
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March 25, 2014 at 11:30 am
My kids go to church with me, I went with my parents…did I ever feel like they crammed it down my throat? no….I enjoyed it…my kids enjoy it now…my daughter loves to be at the church. (no she isn’t 2…she is 10) I have two teenage boys and a 12 year old boy and they all enjoy attending. They are active in their youth groups and sometimes participate in worship, as many of the other youth in the church do too….I make sure a church’s mission is to reach out to youth before I ever start attending…if they feel at home…they will come.
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March 25, 2014 at 11:53 am
Thank you! Just like all the many puzzle pieces that fill our days and dictate our life’s journey like school, play dates, rehearsals for whatever sport, instrument, dance class, community play….we practice our faith by showing up. By showing up, God mixes with us! Church family is a very special circle in our lives and when practiced with love, patience, humility, joy and self- control like anything else. It is a mindset and a heartset. This too is about accountability, accessibility and action.
In raising my two beautiful daughters in the church (and working in it), their father became more and more of a naysayer to church and I found myself feeling sad, lonely and questioning my own practice of church. I am finding my way by the grace of God and many faithful people who light the path. Reading this piece today is a blessing. In this crazy and uncertain world, despite the conflicts that may arise in the congregational setting, participating in the life of a congregation is an integral part of our lives. Personally, I continue to feel called to the Gospel and a personal relationship with Jesus. I am seeing the fruits of my labor and treasure the many blessings from a wide pool of people who trust faith/church matters in their lives.
Now my girls are young adults and their father chose to leave our marriage, My parents raised me in the church and it was formative in a life affirming way. There is great truth in this practice. Kids and teens will say church is boring. Yet, the mission trips influence them in a tremendous way! When you hear them singing a hymn at a funeral service or praying the Lord’s Prayer, know church influenced them. You see what I am saying.
Lastly, love them through all the rough waters of young adult hood and moodiness. Strive to make the choice as mutual as you a parent can without being forceful. Model your faith in fun, dynamic, spiritual, and trusting ways. Do not force it. Lift it up! We practice it like everything else. Faith makes a HUGE difference in how we live our lives. Make sure there is food or coffee involved! Growing in body and wisdom like Jesus is exciting, affirming, challenging and a journey.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:02 pm
When I hear about the “drug me to church” complaint and how that just turned into resentment I have a feeling that there was little going on in that home other than the “dragging.” In order for a child to learn and develop a strong faith it requires MORE than being taken somewhere once a week for service. It requires the parents implementing prayer time at home, devotionals, acts of service, etc. AND it requires to have REAL involvement other than making appearances. I agree that in a NUMBER of families this happens quite frequently and I think that would lead to resentment. I took a survey recently that asked people to list all the items they did in a week and the time it took to do those things. If a person spent only 30 minutes each day simply brushing teeth, combing hair, shower, whatever your daily hygiene is that adds up to 3.5 hours. So if you only attend a 1 hour service and MAYBE a 1 hour Sunday School Class that means you just spent more time in your bathroom this entire week that you did spending time, developing, or deepening your relationship with God…doesn’t sound like a good equivalent to me.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:30 pm
Very true indeed. Kids can spot hypocrisy very easily.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:07 pm
Great article here, Ruth. I was wondering if I could have your permission for me to use it in our church newsletter…
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March 25, 2014 at 1:29 pm
Certainly. Thank you!
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March 25, 2014 at 12:23 pm
It truly saddens me to read others being insulted for their belief in Christ. If we as Christians were to do that, we would be called haters and other vile names. God did give us all a free will, this is true. But, did he not rebuke those for sinning? Take the prostitute for example…The Pharisees we going to stone her. Christ stopped them, but did not say to her to keep doing what she was doing, he told her to “go, and sin no more”. He did not say that she has free will to do whatever she wants. As for Christians, the Bible commands us to assemble. We are not given a choice. Hebrews 10:25 “not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” So why would we give our children, who are under our authority, the “choice”? There are too many children now that “rule the roost”…we don’t want to make poor Johnny mad at us…he needs to make his own rules. NO! We need to stand up as parents and make a difference in our children’s lives! We need to set the example.
I was not raised in a Christian home. Christ sought ME, not the other way around.
We do however, need to show our children not just the importance of going to church on Sunday, but that those services make a difference in how we live our lives OUTSIDE of church! If we are one way at church and the total opposite at home, that is a sure fire way of making our children resent Christ and His church.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:28 pm
Very well stated. Thank you.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:27 pm
So….random question/thought to those who believe that the child should be allowed to choose if they want to attend church services. If I, a believer who regularly attends church, have a child who does not want to go, do I then have to sacrifice what I feel is important to me. Do I have to stay home with this child, or hire a baby sitter to watch this child who does not want to attend? Does this not seem a little silly to allow a child to decide for you, the parent, what you will do in regards to your faith?
Like I said…this was a random thought that came to mind reading some of the comments.
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March 25, 2014 at 3:20 pm
Great random thought and the answer is no, the child does not rule the family. It is the parents’ responsibility to lovingly guide the child into adulthood. You need to expose your child to a variety of different experiences in order that the child may learn how to make proper choices. Hopefully he/she will choose Christianity but you cannot force belief on anyone; it comes from the Holy Spirit.
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March 25, 2014 at 12:36 pm
People seem upset by the word ‘force.’ As a parent, I love and listen to my kids. I also set rules for them and back up those rules. You might even say I ‘enforce’ them.
Every parent sets rules and boundaries. Where we set them is based upon what we believe and the values we hold.
As a follower of Jesus Christ, I believe that time spent with God is important, both individually and as a family. I and my wife make that choice, and while our children are young and still maturing, we set the boundaries and rules for our family. Do we listen to our children? Of course we do. Do we ask them their thought and opinions? Of course we do. Do we let them make the choices for the family? Of course not.
They are children. They are still learning and maturing both intellectually and emotionally.
Like any parent, we are role models for our children. What we do and how we do it teach them every day.
I would certainly hope and pray that they would grow up to serve God. Whether they do or not will be their choice when they are grown and mature. Until then, we will set an example by the lives we live, the values we hold, and how we follow these values. Part of those values are that there is a right and a wrong. There are rules and boundaries which we follow in our lives. Because there is someone more mature and intelligent than we are.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:04 pm
Sometimes I wish I had the blessing of being raised in a Christian family. I was saved at age 16 (I’m 19 now) and am going into seminary in a few years. I thank God he saved me and my children will know what it’s like to grow up in a family that is centered around Jesus.
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March 25, 2014 at 1:20 pm
Great blog! Thank you for your thoughts and being a light in this dark world! I became a believer 2 years ago when my kids were 14 and 7. My son is now 16 and refuses to share in the faith much less go to church. I try not to not force the issue or make him believe in God. He may not be ready. I pray for him and have hope that he is not lost forever, God has a plan for him. All glory to our Lord and Savior, may He bless you abundantly for sharing your faith.
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March 25, 2014 at 2:30 pm
Forcing kids to do something is not the right way. Being a good parent involves teaching them why. Religion on the other hand is something entirely different. It is a belief and what gives you the right to force your belief on anyone else? Expose them to it, but make sure you expose them to all the faiths out there and not just yours. Because one day if they are lucky enough to not be brainwashed they will learn to think for themselves and choose their own belief. Forcing your belief on them is selfish.
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March 25, 2014 at 2:43 pm
I always went to church with my mom until I was old enough to make a decision to go myself. When I was a kid, I didn’t know any different. It was just what we did. Once I was in 7th or 8th grade, I stopped going to the middle school classes and sat in service with the adults. I eventually stoapped going all together after the 10th grade. Why? Because I knew how fake and dishonest the kids in church were. I was better off with the influence of the kids from school than the “nice, Christian kids” I saw on Wednesdays and Sundays.
I discussed this with my siblings after we all were adults and we all felt there was a ridiculous amount of fakeness in children that are forced to go to church. I think it’s important to understand WHY your child doesn’t want to go to church. When I have children, I want them to be able to articulate why they don’t want to do something.
Going to church did not greatly influence my decision to become a Christian. Reading the Bible for myself and understanding why my mom made difficult decisions and her love for God made me want to learn more about Him and made me realize that I needed Him. If you treat your relationship with God like a privilege and not a chore then your kids will too.
I am grateful for my mom because she DIDN’T force me to go to church. She allowed me to make decisions for myself and come to the realization that I need God on my own. Your relationship with God should never be based on what other people want or think and forcing children to go to church is teaching them to be people pleasers. If we are obedient simply because we’re supposed to be, how are we any different than the Pharisees? The desire to know God on a deeper and more real level is reserved for those who are willing to think critically. That’s not something you get from passive obedience.
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March 25, 2014 at 4:23 pm
It seems obvious to me that people are reacting to Ruth’s post in light of their own experience with particular kinds of church environments, and these experiences (and churches) are WIDELY different. Some churches are absolutely oppressive, unhappy environments. Some are very warm families doing very helpful things together in the world as an outcome of what they have learned from following Jesus’ teaching. If you haven’t experienced the rigid oppressive ones, you may have a hard time understanding why some people hate the implications of this blog post. If you haven’t had an experience with one of the warm family places, where there is a fair amount of freedom to participate how you like, you may struggle to see why the author would do this to her children.
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March 25, 2014 at 5:38 pm
Although I think church is a very important part of social development I don’t think that a child should ever be forced to go. All too often parents force children to go to church in an effort to relieve their own personal responsibilities of raising a child Godly. Unfortunately a parent will feel that “Sunday School” will teach the child everything they need to know about God which leave the parents a minimum amount of responsibility of reinforcing what they have already “learned”. Which in fact is a bogus notion. The parent or parents (if both are available) should take the personal time to teach the child on an individual level as if they were to never go to Sunday School.
I personally was raised by a Godly mother who spent many hours a day teaching me the Bible, how to study the Bible, and how to have a personal relationship with God. I was never brought up in church because of some doctrinal errors (which I will not go into describing) that were being taught. Yes I walked away from God, not because of lack of knowledge or experience with Him, but out of a childish spoiled nature I had (I got mad at Him for not giving me my way in something).
I have later in my growth with Him come back to Him and He has welcomed me back home (I’m eternally grateful), but in the time that my mother taught me who He was, and how to learn about Him, I have NEVER seen a Sunday School class teach this kind of thing. If she would have brought me up in church she would never have felt the personal burden to teach me everything I have learned assuming that I would have had proper spiritual guidance growing up in a “Sunday School class”.
After all is said and done I have now found I personally WANT to go to church. I enjoy the fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ and look forward to enjoying every moment I can with them. But in retrospect how would I view it if I had been forced to do something I didn’t want to or didn’t like? Could I have fully enjoyed the freedom of making my own choice to go to church (which God, Himself grants us)? Even as babies in Christ, He never forces us to do something against our free will.
If parents would step up and teach their children the Bible, rather than relying on others to do it for them it would not be a spiritual “danger” for ANY child. So the analogy of playing in the street is misused. The proper use for that analogy would be to let someone from a cult teach them, that would be letting them play in the street.
My input is from one who was not forced to go to church, but was guided in love to the savior’s arms at home. I have a whole new love for Him, because not only did He give me the free will to to love Him my mother gave me more personal knowledge about who He is than ANY Sunday School class could ever give me.
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March 25, 2014 at 5:47 pm
I so disagree with this, growing up I was not forced to go to church, nor did I go but that does not make me any less of a believer than you. And…my son went to a catholic school and the two years he spent there he hated everything about it, so where did it put him today…as a non believer, everything for him is scientific and do I doubt him, absolutely not, we all believe in our own way and that does not mean we have to be a church goer to believe in Christ our Almighty. You are way off base here! Sorry, just my personal opinion. But is this is the way you rule your home that I am happy for you that it works!
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March 26, 2014 at 2:02 am
“We all believer in our own way.” So does the devil himself–he has such a faith as you describe! (ala James 2:19) Truth be told, if it were “up to me”, I wouldn’t believe at all, or at least not believe in the Truth as distinct from the many sugar-coated lies/falsehoods (false Christs). What is true belief/faith if not receiving God’s gifts, delivered to us in Christ, Who gives Himself to us in preached Word and administered Sacraments (which takes place not in a bar, or a McDonalds, or on a lake, but in that Divine Service in church)? For sure, God is present with us everywhere, but He is not present everywhere to save us and preserve us in that salvation. Our faith is never a do-it-yourself-job. If the church service were simply or primarily our act of worshipping God, of praising Him, i.e., “woerthship”, of ascribing worth to Him by telling Him how wonderful He is (as if He had an insecurity problem and needed to hear it), then you honestly can do that a lot of other places than church. If it were merely educational, well, you can just read your Bible at home (or watch some terrible facsimile of such like the “Bible series” recently aired on television). Every area of our lives can (and should) be worship, so you don’t have to be in church to worship God in this sense. But if the church service is primarily about God being present to do something for us, and us being present to receive what He is doing for us, that is, His act of saving us and/or preserving us in that salvation through His spoken and sacramental Word, of giving us faith in HIs Word and feeding/nurturing that faith in HIs Word, then no, church going is not an option, it is a must. It is a requirement not for God’s sake, but a requirement for YOUR sake.
While I pray you don’t, you might again retort against such reasons for why we need to go church by saying that it is oppressive, which is like a seriously ill diabetes patient refusing the dialysis treatment they need if they are to stay alive, or a poisonous snake-bite victim refusing the anti-venom. Pray not.
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March 26, 2014 at 7:02 am
I couldn’t have said it better. Thank you!
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March 26, 2014 at 9:09 am
The Bible says GO INTO THE HOUSE OF THE LORD.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:08 am
Dear Sue, I looked at the title and thought: Hmmm, not sure about that! I read the article and thought – One of the best I’ve read. I have been blogging myself for a year now. So I do read a lot of other blogs, mainly Christian. I think the best thing to start for you would be to read your Bible daily and pray. There are tone of resources on the web and multiple sermons by so many godly clear teachers on the Bible. You are saying that not going to church isn’t making you less of a believer. How on earth can you be a witness for Christ and grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ if you don’t go to church? Catholic school is not a church at all.. So neither you or your son are really been to a church? I hope you don’t find it harsh, but the horrible things that the leaders of the Catholic church has done in the past and still doing I would hardly call Christian.And one thing they are still against in the 21 century is for believe to read the Bible for themselves! How can a Christian live if it is not by the word of God. Even Jesus repeats to a believer: “It is written, “‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”
The word of God is THE BIBLE. God bless, Angela.
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March 26, 2014 at 9:54 am
I’m sorry but going to church isn’t the only way to praise God and to learn. Who said that church is the only house of worship? Your home, that is THE place of worship. I did not grow up going to church and I’m glad that I wasn’t forced to go…because it gave me room to form my OWN opinions about God and to have my own feelings of wanting to follow God. I now have a family and we do not go to church either, but my children are enrolled in a Christian school….and we teach about God at our home (our place of worship).
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March 26, 2014 at 12:43 pm
I found the title misleading. But good article.
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March 26, 2014 at 2:05 pm
Angela, you said Catholics don’t believe in reading the Bible for themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. There are many different Bible studies I can go to just within my hometown Catholic parish. It’s true that we don’t believe in “Sola Scriptura” (only scripture) but in both Sacred Scripture and Sacred Tradition, aka oral tradition. And because I read the Bible, I know the Bible actually teaches that while all scripture is good for teaching, it is not ALL there is to be taught. It’s in the epistles. As for your attack on leaders of the Catholic Church, it seems you claim that they can’t be Christian because they are (gasp) SINNERS! Oh wait, so are all of us. The fact that a few leaders have screwed up doesn’t discredit what the Church teaches. Tell me a leader or two of your denomination hasn’t done the same thing. You just wouldn’t know because they don’t have the same global recognition. It’s obviously going to be messy because none of us are Jesus. Sorry to disappoint. These leaders have been reprimanded, and in fact they only represent less than 1% of the leaders of the Catholic Church. The terrible things a few priests or bishops have done are far more likely to happen from a school teacher. But you keep hearing about it because nobody would expect sin from a Christian leader, so it makes for a huge story in the media. The Church has taken steps though towards keeping that kind of thing from happening again.
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March 27, 2014 at 9:18 am
I respectfully disagree with your view of the Scripturrs not being enough. Like you said, it does say in th epistles, 2 Timothy 3:16-17 to be exact that “all scripture is given by inspiration of God and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect (or complete not sinless), thoroughly furnished unto all good works. ” This tells me that the scriptures are all I need to know how to live as God wants me as His child to live. Does this mean that I know it all? No. So it is my privileged to go to church and raosed my family in church to learn more and God’s Word, not only that, but to ne a blessing and encouragement to my church family.
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March 26, 2014 at 2:42 pm
Angela, I don’t know who told you that the Catholic church does not believe in a person reading the bible. That is completely untrue and ridiculous.
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March 26, 2014 at 7:50 am
I believe you went about it the best way, forcing kids into something drives them away from it all too easy. It’s brilliant that your child chooses to see the world scientifically. Even he being a non-believer has to be commended because he chose his own path and that’s what in my opinion is great patenting
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March 26, 2014 at 8:34 am
Sue, there are some that dropped out of school and still became successful, while others received college degrees and spent the rest of their lives on welfare.
There are some who ate junk food and never exercised, but lived long lives. While others who watched their diets and exercised regularly, but died young.
Raising a child is like growing a plant. We plant the seed in fertile ground, and nurture it. Then we pray it grows into what God intended.
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March 26, 2014 at 10:08 am
AS a Christian we should attend church as our expression of our Love for God. It is where we can gather with other believers and worship, bring him offerings of praise, thanks and honor, which are pleasing to Him. Attending church helps to build our spiritual strength by gathering in his name. It is also an act of obedience to God and it provides accountability to spirtual leadership.It combines our spirtual strenth in prayer. Matthew says “For where two or three gather in my name there am I with them.”
Lastly. it honors the Lord’s Day, the fourth commandment.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:27 pm
(Or the Third Commandment, for us Lutherans…)
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March 26, 2014 at 12:15 pm
You tell-em girl. Keep the messy community referred to as the Body of Christ as far away from your “belief in Christ” friends and family as possible. Gnosticism rules!
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March 25, 2014 at 5:52 pm
I don’t like how there seem to be only two views expressed. Children who were taken to church and resented it and now never go or who were taken to church and have never stopped going. This seems to simplistic to me. I was someone who was raised in the church by two parents who live out their faith to this day. I never resented going to church; it was just what was expected of me in the same way I was expected to do my chores. I do not harbor ill will towards my parents for raising me the best way they saw fit. However, I do not currently go to church. This is a choice I made as an adult through many years of critical thinking about the things I had been taught. I talked with pastors I hold in the highest esteem and found that I disagree with them on many of the foundations of Christianity. I still respect these people as I respect my parents. I just do not agree with them so I no longer attend church. I know this has been a hard thing for my parents to accept but I felt for years as if I was lying to them and myself by sitting through church services I disagreed with. On the other hand my sister still attends church with my parents and is raising her kids to attend every Sunday. This is her choice. This isn’t a fault of my parents; that one of their children no longer attends church. It isn’t something I did to spite them or to get back at them for dragging me to church. I didn’t leave the church out of such petty reasons. I guess I write all this because I did not like the tone of many of those who disagree with you and wanted to offer another side to this discussion. I will raise my own children to respect authority, to follow instruction whether they feel like it or not, to be kind and loving of those around them, to work hard and to enjoy this life they are given. I just will not be doing this in a church.
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March 25, 2014 at 8:34 pm
Pastors are not the source of truth. If you disagree with them be sure it is because you agree with God’s Word. It is not about “going to church”; it is about hearing truth based only on God’s Word – not human opinions – and forming a relationship with the Jesus revealed in that Truth, that matters. If the pastor stands on the Word of God and you disagree with him, you are in fact disagreeing with God and that will be on you on the Last Day.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:53 pm
Are you speaking to God when you say this? Knowledge of God does not take you to Heaven. It is Faith. Faith, believing when I cannot rationalize. Faith that I cannot even keep constant. But in the Church, beyond all the politics and business, is what I go for and what I wanted for my children and now my Grandchildren. And that is the Church family. Being nurtured in the word, enriching my walk with God, keeping me focused. Why? Because the world would see me fail. Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. You are the parent. You have this time to mold them. Not to exasperate them of course, but to give them a foundation of which to build. Then…let God. Their faith is between them and God. But you have done your part in bringing them to their Father. He will continue. We all struggle with the how’s and why’s of Church at times. But to not honor God in our family life, our children do not learn to put God first. When we drop the ball, our families suffer.
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