My parents forced me to eat three times a day growing up. No joke. Three times. Every. Single. Day. And it wasn’t always stuff I liked, either. Matter of fact, I complained a lot about what my mom made. “Ewww, gross! Sauteed zucchini? Seriously? Mom, you know we hate this stuff!” So as I approached adulthood I made an important decision. Since my parents forced me to eat while I was growing up, I decided I was done with meals. Oh, here and there I’ll eat out of obligation. I mean, family traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, I’m there. But daily eating? No way. I’m done.
Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous. But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement.
My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher. He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again. Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?
We’ve never forced our daughter to stay off the road when playing. We don’t want to restrict her imagination. We allow her the freedom to make her own choices in life.
Okay, Ruth. Come on. That one was just ridiculous. No loving parent would ever say that. That’s a safety issue—a matter of life and death. Exactly. And that’s just my point.
Church isn’t a place you go to get pumped up about life. It isn’t entertainment like a movie or concert. It is literally a life and death matter. Eternal life. Just as a loving parent wouldn’t allow their child to wander in the road or to quit school, a loving Christian parent also does not give the option to their children about going to church, learning Bible stories at home, and praying together. Do your kids always jump for joy when they hear you say, “Time to get up! Let’s get ready for church!” No. They won’t. Do they get excited for school every morning? Hardly. But you still make them go. Why? Because you are the parent and you know what’s best. Even when they complain, you serve them healthful meals and limit their junk food intake. You set boundaries for their own safety when playing outside. You insist they go to school because you’re looking at the long term picture. And you are right to do those things. How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?
Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later. That’s on them. But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance. God has placed these precious children into your homes for such a brief while. You have them with you for perhaps a fifth of their lives. Set a strong foundation while they are under your roof. Take them to church. Make sure they understand that they are sinners and that Jesus is their Savior. They are never too young to learn this. My one-and-a-half-year-old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!” Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.” Try them. I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe. And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively. My children sometimes amaze me with the insights they pick up during devotions or Bible readings. The strength of their faith often humbles me. Once when I was having a terrible day, my oldest asked, “Can I pray with you?” He was nine at the time. He knows there is power in prayer. He perceives that sometimes there’s nothing he can say that will make it better, so he’ll just go straight to the One who does have that power.
Do my own kids complain about church? Yes. Do they tell me it’s boring? Sometimes, yes. They say the same things about school. But church and school are different environments for a reason. School is centered around learning and thus has its own schedule and structure. Church is a hospital for sinners. That would be all of us, mind you. You, me, the drug dealer a few streets away—all of us are sinners in need of a Savior. So what do we do at church? We confess our sins. Why do we do this at the start? To “wipe our feet” before entering God’s house, so to speak. Then we are assured of forgiveness. We hear God’s Word. We sing hymns proclaiming what Christ has done for us. We hear sermons where our pastors preach Christ. We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven. No, Christ did it all. 100%. We can’t do one thing to merit salvation for ourselves. That’s why we hear sermons about Jesus and not about us. We take the body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion for the strength of our souls. And we depart refreshed to serve God by serving our families, friends, and neighbors in Christian love.
So parents, don’t give in to outside pressures telling you not to force your kids to go to church. Don’t give in to them, either, when they complain about it. Because at some point an amazing thing happens—that kid who complains about church grows up and takes his or her own kids to church every Sunday. Going back to my opening analogy, believe it or not, there came a point in my own life where I realized I actually liked sauteed zucchini (although I never would have admitted that to my mother). Keep at it, parents. Just as we need three meals a day for physical strength and nourishment, so do we need regular worship to refresh and strengthen our souls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make breakfast.
Author’s note: In response to many of the comments I wrote a new post called To Brainwash a Child? on March 31. You may be interested in checking it out if you haven’t already.
March 26, 2014 at 3:53 pm
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Heb.10:25 This was spoken to the church. Because some in our country has done what the flesh does, allows greed to rule, doesn’t mean we are to abandon the first institution outside of the family that God organized. We are told in the Word that we are to be under the authority of a Pastor who is a man called by God to preach and teach his sheep the truth of God’s Word, to speak to us as God anoints him to give us His message. The church is to exhort and teach, to encourage and strengthen one another. Parents are commanded to teach children the Word of God morning noon and night. We are told in the Word to pass on from one generation to another what the Word says about sin and about salvation.
As this post says, we don’t allow our children a choice when it comes to diet or school, or following the doctor’s order when a child is ill. But here folks want to argue about making sure your children are in church and that you are teaching your child the Word. The only reason humanity is here is to make the decision to live for God, to love Him, surrender to Him, to make Him priority in our lives so that we can spend eternity with him in heaven. We are here for no other purpose but to populate heaven. But God gave us the ability to choose…He wants us there because we love Him and there is no other “god” in our lives. Anything we put before God is our god. If we don’t teach children these things they will struggle through life trying to figure it out. If we can protect our children from making some mistakes, avoiding pitfalls, living healthy, the best education you can give them for these things is from the Bible. They may not want to be taught but this is more important than them learning math or reading. We are not exhorted to make sure they have a good education or be successful in this life. We are exhorted to teach children what the Bible says about living their lives to please God and be saved. It’s not an option it’s a commandment.
We have children 2 years old who know how to worship God in our church services. We have children 5 years old who memorize close to 200 verses of scripture between Nov. and June each year, and that number will increase each year as they get older through their high school years when they will be memorizing 500 verses a year.. If a child can learn a jingle from a TV advertisement or a song from a movie or curse words their parents throw around, they can hide the Word of God in their hearts so they will not sin against God. We have seen children who have prayed for a sick parent and that parent was healed by the power of God and the faith of that child in the Word of God.We have seen the power of the Word in a child heal learning disabilities, ADHD and serious situations in their bodies. Simple childlike faith is what we are told to example in our adult life. Children who are raised to have God and the church as their life priority have much more strength to live this life of struggles and disappointments and problems.
If a doctor told us for our child to live we would have to make sure they eat certain foods daily, we would not let a day pass that we didn’t follow his instructions to the T.It wouldn’t matter if the child wanted to do it or not or liked it or not we would be sure they got that food. We don’t allow our children to make choices because they don’t have the maturity to know what is best for them. Neither do they understand what is best for them spiritually. These bodies will not live forever but we sure want to care of them. Our souls will live forever and we are careless, and say it’s not as serious as some would make it appear. Most are never as interested to make sure children are spiritually healthy as they are physically healthy. That is the deception and distractions of satan to lure us away from God. It’s the way of man to want to cater to the flesh and not the spirit. But children have to be taught and guided and even commanded to do what is best both for this life and spiritually, and that’s why God made parents.
We wouldn’t send our children into battle without ample weapons to defend themselves but we don’t arm them for the battle of their souls and eternal destiny. When I have faced situations in life that in my eyes were hopeless, I found hope in God’s word and knew without a doubt God already had a plan of escape and victory. I have gone to church and God spoke through my pastor and the preaching of the Word directly to me concerning my situation confirming to me that God is with me, knows all about it and will get me through it. I have insurance that money can’t buy. When a doctor says they can’t figure out what to do God, who made me, knows exactly what to do. And His care is free. I have a better security system and better secret service agents than any president or king. “For He has given his angels charge over you to keep you in all your ways”! Why wouldn’t you want to equip your child with these things to get them through this life with power and victory and into eternity with God. The alternative is not something I want to even contemplate.
I’m thankful that going to church wasn’t an option when I was a child or a teen and by the time I was out on my own, church was my life and still is. We repeated that with our children and now they are serving God, one in ministry, one as a saint of God and their lives are happy and successful in God’s plan. We continue to pass it on generation to generation just like the Bible teaches. Our goal is that our family will never be separated..we will continue together for eternity.
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March 27, 2014 at 7:17 am
For me, being a Christian is like being in love. Because the Holy Spirit lives in me, I want to be with God and Jesus and like minded people who are in love with Him too. That is why I go to church. I pray my children will find that passion for Him in their life as well. When you love someone and are devoted to them, you will WANT to spend as much time with them as possible. The desire I have for my Heavenly Father and his presence in my life gives me the fuel I need to get throu a day with so much irreverence and hostility in this world. I live everyday trying to deny myself and live for Him. I love spending time at church with people who encourage me to be filled more and more with the Holy Spirit’s power. Some may scoff but if you have never lived for the Spirit you simply won’t understand how important church is to those of us who live for our spiritual nature (as best we can) and deny our selfish do-what-I-want-to-do nature. I pray every person responding finds that desire for Him I have, falls madly in love with Jesus and what He did for you, and finds a church to fall in love with too.
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March 30, 2014 at 11:17 am
my parents forced me to go to church.. I never fit in and thus turned off my desire to pay attention and learn. As soon as I hit adulthood I stopped going (because quite honestly they can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do anymore) and I’m now agnostic. I respect your guys’ believe in Christianity but I think being forced to go somewhere I never wanted to go aided in my current attitude. Just my two cents.
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March 30, 2014 at 3:09 pm
Where does the word tell us that we “are to be under the authority do a pastor”? Chapter/ verse please!
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March 26, 2014 at 4:21 pm
Lots of people here seem very angry at the idea that things parents value are usually valued by their children. I also didn’t see the article demanding corporate worship 3 times a week. Just calling for the constant pattern of weekly worship. And yes, worship needs to be discussed and understood for it to be as beneficial as it can be.(what worship means, why it’s important, why we need to continue to hear forgiveness, etc.).
As for those who insist they are more faithful by choosing or not choosing to go to worship, I don’t know of any Scripture that encourages avoiding the rest of the body of Christ or demeaning the role of Pastors and congregations in the teaching of faith alongside parents, who have the primary responsibility. As Scripture encouraging meeting together (in worship), Paul’s letters are written almost entirely to churches (Rome, Corinth, etc) or pastors (Timothy, Titus). Paul takes it for granted God’s people meet together and receive the gifts of God’s Word together.
But the bottom line is that this article was just making one point: parents regularly make choices and set healthy patterns for their kids. This should be true of hearing God’s Word among God’s people, just as it is for other areas of life.
Thank you for the well written article and encouragement
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March 27, 2014 at 10:49 am
Love this comment! I agree whole heartedly!! Great article as well – I appreciate this type of encouragement 🙂
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March 28, 2014 at 11:11 am
Perfectly said. Thanks.
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March 28, 2014 at 2:20 pm
Thank you Jason 🙂
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March 28, 2014 at 8:31 pm
The Bottom line of the article is get em hooked while their young, just like the cigarette companies. If you discourage independent thought early enough and long enough you just might be able to kill it forever.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:19 pm
Actually, taking your kids to church encourages independent thinking and analysis as they will hear thoughts and views that they will hear no where else, things that will contradict what they will hear on tv, the radio, from their friends, etc. They will ask questions, and as a parent, we must be able to offer reasonable explanations if we expect to actually accomplish “brainwashing” our children because otherwise, they will reject our teachings.
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March 30, 2014 at 9:13 pm
I don’t think that going to church discourages children, or adults for that matter, in thinking for themselves. Quite the opposite, belief is a very personal thing. Each of us MUST think and decide for ourselves. Continue the analogy, just because I took my daughter to volleyball games and forced her to practice, she still had to decide if she wanted to put effort into the game for herself. I encouraged my children to think for themselves, to find God so they had their own faith. So they saw for themselves how He could be trusted with their concerns. But that also includes sharing he experiences and stories of your own journey, as will as enough knowledge so they can make an informed decision.
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March 31, 2014 at 4:02 am
Hi Mike, I did not grow up with “religion”. By the time I was 22 I was so tired of living life alone and finally, yes finally, found the lover of my soul-Jesus, my dear Savior 🙂 I agree about brainwashing-that it CAN happen in church (because man is flawed and wants power and manipulates the good God has for the wrong uses very often…but have you looked at our government lately?..What about our wonderful public school system?…How about the focus of mainstream medicine in America today? For me personally, these disappointing times aren’t a surprise. I have peace through it all-with The Prince of Peace (Jesus). Man’s failures (and women’s) makes it evident that we can not ever have real, lasting joy & peace trusting in man (even ourselves). I understand your point of view…That is where I lived the first 22 years of my life…But I was the one brainwashed back then.If the truth is to be sought after,
why must anyone(public school being my personal experience),
shove it down another’s throat?.. You can say what you want, but I got me theology in science class and I’m wiling to bet you did also. Are you by chance, Atheist,as I once was?…Learning in it’s self is supposed to be an adventure and balanced with reason, logic, and moral. I think that’s awesome that you read this article and pray you continue to think on it. I leave you with one critical question: since you imply that you aren’t brainwashed; why do you have a problem with people who believe differently than you doing what they feel is beneficial/best (and their duty) for their own children?
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March 31, 2014 at 10:32 pm
exactly! I and my sibling were all forced to go to church ever since we were little, I am the only one out of 7 kids that is not religious now, all the rest are christians and go to church all the time and are raising THEIR kids the same way. I have no patience for the close minded people who turn a blind eye to the horrible problems that are going on in the world, instead choosing to focus on a sky god that no one can see or hear
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March 31, 2014 at 11:28 pm
Bottom line get em hooked early. If you teach them the value of healthy eating and exercise the have a better chance a quality life.
Bottom line get em hooked early. If you teach them to read and enjoy learning they probably will desire knowledge all their life.
Borrom line get em hooked early. They definitely won’t be Detroit Lion fans on their own, not with that record.
Bottom line get em hooked early. If you teach them to be accountable while their young they have a better chance of being responsible productive adults.
Bottom line get em hooked early because if they believe they come from a long line of down syndrome amebias…. fish…. reptiles….. mammals…. chimpanzies they will become like Hitler seeing life as having no value other than their immediate gradification.
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March 31, 2014 at 11:41 pm
Teaching children about God causes indepedant thought. It encourages critical thinking. If there is a God then we have logical order, scientific laws and the ability to make scientific predictions. Without God there is no science because the natural world is based on random hapinstance with no reason or order. Without God what is true today wasn’t true yesterday and won’t be tomorrow. Events just randomly happen leaving no reliability to make assumptions about the natural sequence of events moving backwards into the past or forward into the future. Not believing in God is the same as believing in a flat Earth.
Without God individuality is lost and our value is dictated by the passing fads of the ruling class.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:28 pm
I have to say that it saddens me to read many of the replies here. So many Christians who think church is optional. It is not. Hebrews 10:25. The preached word and sacraments are a means of God’s grace that many are denying themselves and their families because they don’t “like” church. I am blessed that I have a church that I LOVE and I look forward to coming week after week, oh, and Tues-Fri because I work there. But even if I didn’t like my church, I would come because it is what I am called to do as a believer in Christ. The church is not there to entertain families. The church exists to worship a God who is Holy, Holy, Holy! We come to receive grace and learn about Him. We come to partake in the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper and Baptism. A church does not need a super cool pastor and rock band to change your life. If Christ is being exalted, the gospel is being preached and the sacraments are partaken of, then lives ARE changing!
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March 31, 2014 at 12:32 pm
Well said!!
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March 26, 2014 at 4:45 pm
Now, i will not go into some long in depth analysis of right and wrong because everyone has their own opinion. But to me anyway, it is kind of like bringing your child up with good morals and still letting them choose their political party when they become of age and/or are old enough to formulate an opinion on such matters.I feel that i should teach my child what is right and wrong, morally. Accepting others, telling the truth, and finding yourself and your beliefs, and then when they are old enough or question me about it explain ALL religions or lack of them; Christianity Catholicism, Islam, Agnosticism or Atheism. I don’t feel i should brainwash my child with a belief that they cannot even comprehend yet, let them make that decision themselves for it sticks with them for the rest of their lives.
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March 27, 2014 at 4:21 am
Just out of curiosity, how do you teach your child what is right and wrong morally? What is your standard for that? Do you teach him or her what you think is right and wrong, or do you let him or her decide for him/herself?
I just don’t get why it’s okay to “teach” your child with what you say is right and wrong, but you don’t want to “brainwash” your child with any particular “religion.” How are those different?
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March 27, 2014 at 8:21 am
It’s okay for her because is does not sound like she has ever met Jesus and if she has,perhaps did not have someone to disciple her so that she understands how to grow from that little baby Christian. I hope you find your way so your children have a chance to find theirs. Seek Him and you will. I promise. The world is loud. The other one makes sure of that..
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March 27, 2014 at 11:25 am
It’s no secret there is a social contract in every culture. When someone does not attend church, they are still exposed to the social standards of our society. I come from a very nonreligious household in the bible belt and felt very left out growing up. I forced myself to go with my neighbors and friends to please them, because they were convincing me I was a bad kid for not going. After a few tries I realized that I was very uncomfortable in those religious settings. Most people are shocked when they find out that I’m not religious, because they expect people who don’t believe to be horrible, immoral people. Most people are fully capable to look around and see what is considered “right” or “wrong” in our society. Someone could have been rude to me and I was intelligent enough as a kid to realize that it did not feel good to be treated as such and made the decision to not treat someone else like that.
The argument that people that don’t necessarily follow a religion don’t have a moral compass is false. There’s a difference between wanting to do the right thing because eternal life is at stake or doing the right thing because I have no desire to affect anyone else I come in contact with negatively on purpose. I think the difference between the brainwashing is, in theory, church will teach a kid not to steal because God sees everything and social constructs teach a kid that stealing is wrong because they would not want to be stolen from, so why do that to others.
At least that is definitely what it seems like from the outside looking in. That was a lot longer than I anticipated! Whoops 🙂
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March 28, 2014 at 12:24 am
Right and wrong are matters of society. In our society it is wrong to break a child’s arm as a form of punishment. Morally right and wrong are things most everyone agrees are bad in our society. Religion is a matter of opinion. You have no proof. It’s very different to let your kid get hit by a car from lack of parenting you will go to jail. However you will not go to jail for not focing your child listen to someone preach about whatever they interpret from whatever god they worship. That’s the problem most “Christians” are too closed minded. Morally right and morally wrong are very different from opinion of religion or the afterlife.
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March 28, 2014 at 3:45 pm
@ Raschelle: If right and wrong are matters of society what ever gives one society the “right” to correct another based on their right and wrong? I.e What gives the world the right to call for imprisonment at Nuremberg for those Nazi’s acting on what many testified as “unwittingly going along with their society”? Was that unjust?
If right and wrong are “things most everyone agrees are bad” what gives anyone the right to call for reform in society? Most everyone agreed that Blacks had no need to be given the vote and it was “justice” to discriminate. Yet MLK Jr. condemned society’s “right” as wrong. By what standard did he do that? Not societies. (Read his letter from Birmingham Jail for the answer).
You seem to believe that life is sacred and to harm another is wrong, but what makes you think that? The fact that everyone else thinks it? Is there anything right or wrong objectively apart from society?
You also think it is “better” to let kids form their own opinions. By what standard are we measuring “better”. Societies? Spartans thought it was “better” that down syndrome kids were thrown of cliffs. What gives your society the right to say that it’s better that they weren’t? You haven’t established a standard of right or wrong that is apart from culture.
It’s obvious that this author of the post is writing from a Biblical worldview to others who claim to hold that same biblical worldview. Therefore she is merely inviting her audience to consider the implications of their actions within that worldview. Within the biblical worldview nourishing your child physically and spiritually is a good thing.
If you’d like to call that wrong, I’d have to know why… more than half of the worlds societies would agree. Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Buddhists, etc.
If one truly believes that it is his or her responsibility to care for their whole child, than to claim to be indifferent about the spiritual development would be unthinkable.
The greatest form of hate is indifference.
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March 31, 2014 at 6:40 pm
@Dave: If it were true that “Most everyone agreed that Blacks had no need to be given the vote and it was “justice” to discriminate”, then MLK Jr. and the other Civil Rights campaigners would have been unsuccessful. King did not win rights for African-Americans by force. He didn’t defeat an army or overthrow a government to win the right to vote. He didn’t appeal to one ruler, a hypothetical Dictator of America, and win the vote by that person’s authority. God didn’t descend from the heavens and force white Americans to give black people their rights.
The only weapon Martin Luther King used was his own suffering, and his power came from love. Love he showed for his enemies, and love he stirred in the hearts of all those people who saw innocent black folks being knocked down by water cannons and attacked by police dogs. In these democratic United States, government derives from consent of the governed, and no U.S. president would ever stand up for an unpopular law like civil rights if he thought there were more people against it than for it. It was the compassion of people across America that overcame the hard-heartedness of people in the south.
Nearly every question of right and wrong can be boiled down to matters of compassion and empathy. You don’t need a god to tell you that murdering people is wrong; just think about if it were your friends and family being murdered.
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March 31, 2014 at 6:43 pm
I see that I made some sweeping generalizations in my last post there. I don’t mean to imply that all southerners were racists, or that there were no northern racists. I just meant that segregation was popular in the south, and I don’t think civil rights would have become a reality if it were only people in the south who got to vote.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:48 pm
I absolutely love the content here. This kind of discipline is something that is lacking in our culture today especially in young men. One thing that is unspoken in your article, but dimly shines through is that this MUST be done in love as all action should be. If we are not gentle, kind, patient, understanding, and forgiving as we stay steadfast in our values, it is all for naught. It is in the absence of these fundamental elements that disdain and mistrust for the church are born.
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March 29, 2014 at 2:46 pm
Maybe your kids don’t want to go to church because they have a mind of their own and don’t share your beliefs. Whether or not you believe something isn’t truly a choice. You either do or you don’t. Most people are just conformists, too lazy to evaluate and form their own opinion. Don’t torture your child for having free will. This is how the most outspoken atheists are made. I speak from experience.
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March 31, 2014 at 4:13 am
Couldn’t agree more Jesse 🙂
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March 26, 2014 at 5:29 pm
” We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven. No, Christ did it all. 100%.”
“Church …… It is literally a life and death matter. Eternal life.”
Two quoted within inches of each in your article. This kind of duplicitous, self-contradictory rhetoric is exactly why I no longer believe in church.
I was forced to go to religious school and church. I was fed all kinds of information that was “God’s word”. “God’s word” changed depending on who was teaching it, how challenging I’d been to the teacher, and the mood they were in. Like this article, the one thing that was adhered absolutely by the good Christian adults was to say and do anything they felt was necessary to frighten me into doing exactly what they wanted me to do. Doing things other than what was expected at church and school would result in burning in hell forever and never seeing my friends again (presumably, they were all going to be better programmed than I to behave and would get into heaven).
What my childhood indoctrination ultimately taught me was that I could not be free to be anything other than the church’s definition of acceptable.
At the age of 13 I realized I was free to go. I did.
In the over 40 years since I have enjoyed exploring my spirituality, learning about religions from many different cultures, and living by what I know is right and wrong. It’s a beautiful thing to do, and especially peaceful when out of the confines of the manipulations and threats of a church.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:50 pm
Dear Kristin Lily, I am so sorry that you feel this way about Church. Not that I feel anything I say will change your heart on these matters but I must be honest. I was skeptical of this article as a Pastor. After reading through it I understand each statement made. The parts which you quoted do go together well. Hearing the Gospel is an eternal life or death matter. Also we can’t gain salvation, Jesus paid it all 100%. These two statements are completely true regardless of whether you or I believe them to be. You and I need Jesus daily. God proved His love for you by sending Jesus to die in your place as a payment for your sin debt (The wages of sin is death.) It is not to keep you from enjoying life that I want you to not only hear this but accept it. It is so that you might have eternal life in Jesus Christ. I love you, God loves you and Jesus died for you. I pray you won’t ever be satisfied with religion but that you will seek a relationship with Jesus.
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March 27, 2014 at 10:09 am
My kids’ faith was basically destroyed by church. the cognitive dissonance between what was preached and what was practiced thoroughly convinced them that there was not truth to be found there.
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March 28, 2014 at 7:07 am
Was the dissonance between “what was preached and what was practiced” on the part of the church or on the home front? If the church leaders were not living their faith, I’m very grieved to hear it. That does happen, unfortunately, and God holds them accountable for that. But many parents also don’t “practice what they preach,” so to speak. I’m not saying that is the case for you, mind you, but it does happen as well. Kids pick up on hypocrisy right away, whether is happens with church leaders or with their parents. There absolutely must be a sincere connection between faith and everyday life.
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March 28, 2014 at 11:11 am
Then why continue in that church? There are plenty of churches from which to choose. My family moved routinely every few years because my father was in the military. My parents normally found a good church for us after visiting 3 or 4 in our new community. However, one move, when I was 12, it took us 2 years and 26 churches to find our home. We were there only 1 year before we moved again, but it was a powerful year that still has an impact on me more than 20 years later due to the things I learned there. If your faith is being negatively impacted by the church you attend, either work to change that church or find a new one. Don’t continue with a sick body if you’re not going to work toward the cure. You bear as much responsibility for the state of your children’s faith as that church.
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March 28, 2014 at 1:10 am
Jason, thank you for your comment! I tend to separate people who identify as Christian into two groups – the “Talkers” and the “Walkers”. So many people talk the talk, and don’t seem to grasp the teachings of Christ regarding compassion, love, and action. I know several Christians who are absolute “Walkers” – they live the life Christ asked them to. I have much love and respect for my Walking friends. It seems you may be in that group, too. I love the teachings of Christ although I do not believe in religion. I wish you only the best, and am glad your congregants have a loving, accepting Pastor.
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March 27, 2014 at 1:37 am
Yes! SO much contradiction! I was “forced” to go to church 2-3 times a week for my 1st 18 years. I am 46 now and no one has ever been able to explain how Jesus was a sacrifice. (Not to mention that God is the one and only but… he has a son…) So, God sends his son down to Earth to live life as a man for a rather short period of time. They both know after some good times and bad times that Jesus will go back home to Heaven to be with God again for eternity. Sort of like if your Dad were to send you to your grandparents’ for Summer break to work on their farm. You both know there will be good times and bad times but you also KNOW that at the end of Summer, you will be brought back HOME. That isn’t a sacrifice. People are just so self involved that they think only of their own child being crucified and how HORRIBLE that would be! And it would! Because then they would be DEAD! If you believe God is, in fact, a GOD and that Jesus was just down here on loan, (heading right back up to sit at the right hand of his Father after the crucifixion) then I repeat, that is NOT a sacrifice! God got Jesus back safe and sound so what is the big deal? And of course my follow up was always to ask, HOW did Jesus being crucified wash away any sins of anyone? Much less the sins of EVERYONE?? Nope, no one has ever been able to answer that either. The responses always sound like playing a game with a 5 year old who made it up. If you ever start winning they make up another rule that makes you start losing and say that it is just a rule. (Even though it totally contradicts another previous rule!) Sorry. I don’t accept this just because some people got together and said their rule is: If Jesus allows himself to be crucified then ALL mankind’s sins will be washed away if they ask him into their hearts.
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March 27, 2014 at 7:04 am
There’s no way a few guys got together and came up with this idea. It’s way too far-fetched. No other religion on this earth has such an easy path to salvation. The “rules” of Christianity are simple- believe in Jesus for salvation. Every other religion makes you earn your way somehow. You have to be “good enough.” Not so with Christianity. You ask how Jesus’ crucifixion washed away the sins of everyone? Because God said so. If you think that’s a cop out, I’m sorry. I believe it by faith. I can’t “prove” it logically, but I sure believe it and am thankful for it! You’d better believe Jesus was a sacrifice. The dictionary defines “sacrifice” this way: “an act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God.” Was Jesus slaughtered? Oh, yes. He was brutally tortured and killed in the most barbaric way possible. He was our offering to God. He replaced all the animal sacrifices of the Old Testament. God laid on Jesus the sins of every single human being ever to live. He was our sacrificial offering. Why did He rise? TO show that God has power even over death. Christians need not fear death, for our God is more powerful.
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March 27, 2014 at 6:33 pm
It’s quite simple, as long you accept the trinity:God send Himself down to Earth, so he could sacrifice Himself to Himself, to save us by changing a rule that He made in the first place.
See, it all makes sense. 🙂
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March 28, 2014 at 8:53 pm
The Trinity is a complicated doctrine, that is true. I can’t fully comprehend it myself, but I believe it nonetheless. And God never “changed a rule He made in the first place.” He had planned our salvation even before He created the world.
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March 27, 2014 at 7:43 pm
Hi Denise,
I was just reading through a few of the responses here and then came across yours, and it is to you I want to make a response.
Jesus sacrificed the moment he came to earth, born of a ‘virgin’ he had to live with that dubious title ~ many would have thought he was a bastard. Then misunderstood by parents and family. Then he was tempted by Satan himself in dramatic ways. He also fasted for 40 days (his choice), so he could truly hear God and be prepared to minister to everyone. He was rejected by the then church, he had no support from his closest friends, he was wrongly accused and sentenced to a horrific death. He then experienced separation from God his Father, something he hadn’t known or understood before. He then died a slow death after being beaten countless times. He did all this without being resentful or vengeful, he forgave those who killed him. He then was brought back to life but again not believed by many to then appear for the next 40 days to those he knew and loved. He then entered heaven again but as he has tasted earthly life he still suffers and is making prayers for you and me.
This Jesus, is so incredible, to willingly make the sacrifice so that we could understand better what love is. Love is not something that is just a gishy feeling, but rather it is a commitment to demonstrate something to everyone. It is putting others first.
In terms of sacrifice, God is the judge of the world. He could (as he is God) just wipe us out. But, instead he has chosen to reach out to us. He did so many times before Jesus came but Jesus was the ultimate. As we know, in our society, wrongdoing needs to be aid for, that is justice. God said, instead of us paying for it, and we all deserve eternal punishment as no one is perect, he chose to send his most precious thing Jesus Christ, who is God and allow Him to die instead of us. Now that is what true love and God’s justice is about, We deserve it, but instead he has paid the price. That is worth celebrating!
Anyway, thanks for your post Denise, and I pray that you too will be able to allow God to reach into your life and set you free like he has done with me and so many others, and bring new life, one where sin doesn’t dominate, but rather freedom both in this life and then one day forever! Experiencing God’s love is simply the best 🙂
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March 29, 2014 at 4:56 am
Denise: I actually think you struck on a very good question, and I know someone who can give you a very, very good answer. I think your frustration actually has more to do with how fragmented the Christian church has become- aside from believing in Jesus and accepting him as your savior, there’s not a whole lot of agreement on the theology behind why we believe what we believe- and I think your frustrations are valid. My brother-in-law is a Catholic priest who is currently studying the early church fathers, and I think you would appreciate his argumentation style (based on your comment, which was actually very thoughtful), and I think he would take all your questions very seriously and wouldn’t just try to “prove you wrong”- he’d just try to answer them. You seem like someone with a heart open to seeking the truth. Comment back if you’re interested in asking your questions of my brother-in-law, and I’ll try to figure out a way to do that without advertising our emails on the internet. 🙂 He may have a “public” email from his pastoral duties that I can post back. If you’re interested.
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March 27, 2014 at 4:30 am
Again, “living by what I know is right and wrong.”
What is your standard for that? How do you know what is right and what is wrong? Is that up to you, or is there a moral standard we should all follow?
Wouldn’t you agree that someone who says that they follow no one religion is actually just following their own? How does believing that there is right and there is wrong make you any different than church? Are they wrong for telling people that they are wrong?
I am not trying to argue here. I am genuinely curious as to how you have worked that out for yourself.
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March 27, 2014 at 6:34 pm
I can’t speak for Kristin Lily, but for myself I use a combination of empathy, logic, and an understanding of the type of society I want to live in…
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March 28, 2014 at 1:01 am
It’s called empathy and compassion, pretty basic.
I don’t need to be threatened with hell and eternal damnation to know it’s wrong to steal, cheat, or hurt people.
I don’t need to be bribed with paradise to want to ease people’s pain, give food to the hungry, or try to make my part of the world peaceful.
Treating people well, having morals, and living a good helpful life are not exclusive to belonging to any one religion. What perplexes me is your question “how do you know right from wrong?” Do you not know right from wrong unless someone supervises you?
Not following a religion doesn’t mean I have my own. It means I may or may not believe in God,but I definitely believe I don’t need to be told what to believe or how to behave by a group of people who don’t seem to understand their rules themselves.
If religion gives you what you’re looking for and you do believe you need or want it, I encourage you to pursue it
Having religion force-fed to me throughout my childhood didn’t improve the quality of my childhood – it worsened it.
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March 26, 2014 at 5:30 pm
So glad I read this… it isn’t what I thought. My parents forced us to go to church every Sunday, we had our perfect attendance pins from Sunday School to prove it. Did I always want to go to church (especially in the mornings?) No. But our parents made us go and I feel that we are better people for it. Am I perfect… NO, but I have a good foundation and I know that being raised by my parents and going to church was/is a part of my strong foundation. Great title for this article, hope many others will read this. Provide that strong foundation for your children!
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March 26, 2014 at 6:07 pm
An older saint in the church told me many years ago, “it is your responsibility as a parent to get their butt in the pew, it’s up to God to do the rest.” I’ve used that phrase many, many times over the years. Thank you for the article.
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March 26, 2014 at 6:26 pm
PK here- strong relationship with the Lord, as an adult. Am currently writing a book based on the experiences of other PKs in ministry similar to my parents.
Requiring particular PERFORMANCE from SOME children (not all) simply foments rebellion. Some will PERFORM in order to get along; others won’t.
My parents struck the particular balance of requiring respect, but not forcing performance or belief, and that allowed me the space to come to belief by the grace and power of my Father.
Anything short of that (from my parents, whom i love) would have driven me away.
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March 26, 2014 at 6:29 pm
I agree that parents should bring their children up in the Lord as commanded and I did so. I also believe that a child’s relationship is between them and Jesus, not me, them and Jesus. My children (4) knew that we were going to church on Sunday morning and for the most part there wasn’t a problem until they were 17 or 18. They just got busy (typical excuse). They were all baptized in Jesus’ name, involved in youth activities and had no problem praying at home with the rest of us. I actually thought that my oldest son would become a pastor as he had learned so much about the Bible and read it several times. He even had books (not chapters) of the Bible memorized!
It wasn’t until they were living on their own and thrown into the real world of sin that they claimed to not be a Christian anymore. They all made wrong choices (in my opinion) and decided that they were going to live how they wanted to without Jesus. All of them now claim to be agnostic. Three of them have told me that they feel that being ‘forced’ to go to church, was what made them want to be agnostic (excuse again). My son that I thought would be a pastor, has told me that he is not a Christian.
While this breaks my heart, I have learned that life goes on and that I cannot make this choice for them. I did my job as a parent, taught them well, set a great example as a Christian parent (still do), and I have given my children over to God. He is in control and already has a plan for them. I trust Him and I leave it at that.
Would I do it the same way again by ‘requiring’ that my kids go to church? Probably.
Although one of my children has totally cut me off because of my beliefs, I still have Jesus. I know that he will never leave me and I find comfort in that. I pray for all my kids and in all reality, their relationship (or lack thereof) is still between them and Jesus…without me in the mix. Life goes on.
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March 27, 2014 at 12:50 pm
Hi Carol. I had to reply because your story here is one I can relate to. My son has cut me off too, my husband and I, and his own sister and the rest of the family. Which is totally unbelievable to me. I have surrendered him and his beautiful family to God. God has complete control over this situation. God told me to wait, He said He would take care of this for me. Although I want to interfere and try and fix it, I wait. I pray, I cry, I plead. My heart is broken, but you are right ‘life goes on . . . I’m so thankful for all the loved ones in my life and cannot concentrate on this one situation. So if I have turned it over to the Lord, I have to surrender it everyday and every time I have the thought of interfering.
I do send cards for all occasions, and checks to the grandchildren for their birthdays. This is to let them know that ‘I’m still here, I’m here for you. come home whenever you want to, I love you, if you need me I’m here always for you.’ That way my door is open. I call and leave voice messages, I text with important family news. Is this the right thing to do? I don’t know. Maybe it would help if I just was quiet and silent until they come to me. I guess I could let them know.
I listen to my family and friends. Someone says, stop, and forget about it and the other one says ‘call and treat them like nothing is wrong and nothing has happened’ . I cannot do either one of these because it would be completely false in my heart.
God will keep me sane and show me the way to go. I love God and serve Him diligently everyday.
ONE thing I know for sure while I was waiting for my son to change and come home. (truth; the core of the problem is with my daughter in law, though I love her very much, something is broken in her) while I was waiting, praying, and clinging to God, I CHANGED, my life is fuller and I’m closer to God than ever. My faith has grown by leaps and bounds. ‘They meant it for evil, but God meant it for good.’
I hope your son and all your children will all come to know and come to the God that they grew up with. I pray for your strength to carry on.
I think the above may sound like a contradiction 1. for me to wait and do nothing and 2. to stay in touch with them. But I cannot let the grandchildren grow up thinking that their grandparents gave up on them.
What do you do? and what have you done to handle your situation? Your thoughts on this will help me and in turn I hope I have encouraged you.
Terrie
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April 1, 2014 at 12:18 am
Well, the bible tells you to love Jesus so much it’s like you hate your family. If you were following that advice, your son or daughter has little choice but to “cut you off” to maintain their own sanity. If you make them feel guilty every time you speak, if you feel the need to “hate the sin” even though you love the sinner, if you point out to them “in love” that they’re going to hell, then they haven’t cut you off. You have cut them off.
If you don’t do those things but they cut you off anyway that is sad. I’m sorry for your hurt, and I hope things get better for you. I hope you will continue with what you’re doing…continue to let them know you are there for them when you need them, that you still want contact with them, that you love them no matter what…I don’t know what else you can do other than show them love.
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April 1, 2014 at 1:44 pm
Terrie and Carol, I’m so sorry to hear of your situations. I e-mailed someone else recently about this very same thing, and I hope you don’t mind if I forward on what I replied to her. Please understand that I don’t have any easy answers, but perhaps some of this may be helpful.
First, do NOT hold yourself accountable. Do not give in to guilt or fall into the trap of blaming yourself. Don’t allow yourself to think “If only I’d…” or “I should have…” That doesn’t help. You brought them up in a Christian environment to the best of your ability. Every parent makes mistakes. Don’t dwell on those. The choice was your child(ren)’s to make. It’s on their conscience, not yours.
In terms of what you can do, I would wager a guess that they don’t listen to you when you talk to them about faith. That seems to be the pattern. Do what you can to keep your relationship open with them, but don’t try to talk about God. That may seem counter intuitive, but chances are they won’t listen anyhow, so don’t bring it up. They know where you stand, and it will probably keep the lines of communication open with them more if you don’t talk religion to them.
Now, just because you can’t talk to them about religion doesn’t mean you can’t pray. By all means, pray. Pray hard. Get close friends to pray for them as well. Pray unceasingly, as 1 Thessalonians 5:17 encourages. Pray God’s Word right back to Him. Quote Proverbs 22:6 to Him- “God, you say in Your Word to ‘Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.’ Well, God, I trained up my children to know You, and it sure looks like they have departed from that. I claim Your promise, Lord, for my children. Bring them back to You. Do not allow them to depart from the way they should go.” Pray also that God would bring others into their lives to witness to them and encourage them to come back to church. Even pray that they experience calamity. This is a difficult thing for a parent to do, because no parent wants to see their child suffer. But many times, people who are doing well in life think they’ve got it all figured out. They have no need for God. It’s when disaster strikes and the ground is pulled out from under them that they realize they can’t do it on their own. Pray that they come to that point in their lives when the void can only be filled by God.
I’m not sure if any of this is helpful or encouraging. Ultimately, I can’t give you any true comfort or peace, but you know the One who can provide perfect peace. Talk to Jesus. Cry, yell, do whatever you need to do. He can handle it, and He will never leave you or forsake you.
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March 26, 2014 at 7:58 pm
I think Christopher gives a good point. The absolute worst thing you can say is “Because I say so” without any reason or logic to support it. Parents should really have solid answers about why they believe the way they do, how they came to that belief, and educate themselves on the tough questions instead of just relying on the church to do it for them.
I agree with the heart of the article that parents should do what they feel is best for the child even if it is not “fun.” However, I don’t know if forcing a child to go to church is the best thing in all cases. If they are really kicking and screaming about it, it is important to LISTEN to why they feel this way. Being bored is one thing, but if your child is a teen there may be issues with the other teens and not with God per se.
Youth groups can have cliques, judgment, and gossip….well lets face it, this can happen with the adult crowd as well. Except a teen does not have the freedom to switch churches. If you force your teen into this environment, they are going to associate God with hypocrisy and negativity. (Not to mention when I was a teen, the kids who were forced to go and didn’t want to be there would just sneak off to smoke or make out for an hour). I hear more about Christians leaving church not because of what was being preached but because of people there who weren’t acting Christ-like.
It’s also important to encourage church for the right reasons…not just because the parents are worried about their “image” with the church community – what people will think if their child isn’t attending. So many parents put pressure on their kids to “be good” so that they look like great parents. Kids can see through this and will resent this attitude later on.
Forcing someone to go to church may promote religion more than it does a real relationship with God. Jesus himself made an example of the Pharisees who played by all the religious rules and rituals, yet missed the heart of their faith.
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March 27, 2014 at 1:48 am
In response to what you said about youth groups: The parents are ultimately responsible to make sure that the child is in a group where they will be spiritually matured. Also, the parent needs to take on the responsibility for raising their child in the faith starting first in the home and then in being involved in and knowing what their child is being taught at youth group. This article is not talking about the church being a quick fix to a teaching your child about God. The church is there to come alongside a parent in the raising of their child.
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March 26, 2014 at 10:39 pm
Thank you for this well written article. I appreciate your heart on the matter, and totally agree.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:39 pm
Great blog. Your insight gave me some ideas about conversations to have with my own kids as well as other adults. I like your analogy to the meals. Continuing with that line of thought, I think that “because I said so” will just have to suffice at some point. If my parents tried to logically explain why broccoli was a better choice than Captain Crunch, I can guarantee I wouldn’t have said, “Oh gee. Now it makes sense and is all so clear. Thank you. From this point forward, it’s broccoli for me. Pitch that nasty Cap’n Crunch in the trash.” Nope. I would still go for the Cap’n Crunch. Even when appeals to starving children in China were made, I’d go for the Cap’n Crunch. So, logical and emotional appeals would fall on deaf ears. That’s the nature of children.
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March 27, 2014 at 2:37 am
I agree with fellowshipping, but I don’t agree with “church” because even the word “church” today is totally interpreted differently than what the Bible teaches. The church is not a building, not an organization, it is the body of Christ. What happens when two or more people are gathered in his name (representing all that he is), he is there. That is church. Sitting in a pew neglecting your neighbor and racing to the door to go out to eat and talk about football and movies is not the fellowship the early church partook in. They met in each other’s homes and got personal and met the needs of the poor and widows. Parents need to teach their children who God is and how to hear him personally and rightly discern the Word of God rather than listen to whoever is behind the pulpit. That’s what Paul said. “IF any person, angel, or even myself starts deviating from the truth, don’t listen.” Galatians 1:6-9 But there isn’t really any accountability in church and most of what I hear and see in church is tradition and cliches, not even real scripture. Like Communion? It’s sharing with those in need, that’s why they refer to the drunk and sickly when instructing how to take communion.1 Corinthians 11:33 But the church never does that, they just feed everyone a cracker and a sip of juice, and heaven forbid you should talk to your neighbor while taking it because then you aren’t taking the sacrament seriously. In the last days everyone should know God from the least to the greatest, and they don’t. Hebrews 8:11 Not even the pastor. They just say, “If I knew everything about God, then I wouldn’t need him.” IF you knew everything, you would know how desperately you need him. We should know God.
1 Corinthians Chapter 2, vs 16 more specifically, but the whole chapter says so.
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March 27, 2014 at 9:04 pm
Love what you wrote! I agree so much I want to share what you wrote to my friend that shared this article!
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March 27, 2014 at 5:20 am
Why do we ‘go’ to church? I don’t ‘go’ to family? Why not rather have gatherings of the church and uphold the many and varied expressions as significant in the faith development of children? Our children don’t know what it is to ‘go’ to church…and they don’t dislike our expressions of faith life as we are the church. Our children (and us), need not experience life with Christ as a chore or something that we reluctantly do because it is meant to be good for us. We need to back up and reassess how we are creating a faith life for our Children with their Saviour.
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March 27, 2014 at 8:04 am
You can force them to go, but then you need to be prepared to live out what you believe. If your life is all about outward appearances, then your child will see that and believe that church is part of a legalistic checklist. If you go because you truly love God and want to worship Him and learn more about Him, then that will shine through. Children are ALWAYS watching what we do. And our actions speak louder than our words.
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March 27, 2014 at 8:55 am
I know that your title was written for shock value and to get people to read your blog, but since you wrote the complete opposite from what your title read, it reduces your validity as a writer. Always make your title agree with what you’re content says. I agreed with most of what you said. Except, my kids are always excited to go to church and have been for 10 years. If you have a good church, filled with activities and friends they have made, they won’t complain about going.
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March 27, 2014 at 10:41 am
In order to get the kids to church, the parents will need to go first. THAT is the real issue!
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March 27, 2014 at 11:03 am
How sad that we make kids go to church and learn of God’s love…(sarcasm) once again, this article is a sign of kids running the show in parents lives.
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March 27, 2014 at 2:34 pm
Do you mean the article or some of the comments here? Because I mean exactly opposite of what the title suggests. My kids are in church with me every week. From infancy we have brought them up to know their Savior. Our kids do not run the show around this house.
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March 27, 2014 at 5:54 pm
And guess what … when they are 30 they will make jokes about how you ruined their Sundays. You must be like “Carries” mom — LOL!
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March 28, 2014 at 8:45 pm
Or they will blog about me and thank me, just as I now do to my own mother. 🙂
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March 27, 2014 at 6:25 pm
Well then maybe I just read it wrong then sister…glad you and your hubby rule your castle.
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March 27, 2014 at 11:46 am
God is all around us, not in a building made of brick or stone. Split a piece of wood I’m there, lift a stone and you will find me. – in the bible
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March 28, 2014 at 9:13 pm
While this is certainly true, it does not mean that there is no need to belong to the body as is discussed repeatedly throughout the New Testament.
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March 27, 2014 at 11:56 am
Forsake not the assembling of yourselves together so much the more as you see that day approaching ( the return of Jesus) why people would neglect teaching their kids the importance of a personal relationship with Jesus blows my mind,we make sure they are prepared for life with schooling, we get their shots to make sure they stay healthy, yet so many give no thought to the most important of all, that when they meet Jesus face to face at judgement day they can hear him say well done my good and faithful servant
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March 27, 2014 at 1:00 pm
Nice article but your analogy falls flat with me. Baptized, raised and confirmed in the Lutheran church I am now an agnostic humanist. I have never forced my kids to go to church as I was and what do you know, they’re both good people who care about others.
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March 27, 2014 at 6:40 pm
I suspect that a “humanist” would raise kids that “care” about others but are they saved for all eternity?
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April 1, 2014 at 12:21 am
Just because you think you’re going to heaven doesn’t make it true.
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April 1, 2014 at 1:14 pm
This is true. I don’t believe I’m going to heaven because I “think” so. I’m going to heaven because the Bible says so. Is it provable? No, and that’s why it’s called faith. Your logic applies both ways. Just because someone may think there is no heaven or hell doesn’t make it true. Personally, I find much more comfort in believing God’s promises that believers will spend eternity with Him in heaven than I would in the premise that there is no heaven or hell.
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March 27, 2014 at 2:39 pm
You’ve probably heard the comment by parents that say, “I don’t want to indoctrinate my kids; I want them to make their own choices.” This is a lame excuse because if kids are never exposed to church or introduced to “God” relationships, they are denied the choice. How do they know what the choices are? Forcing them to go to church does not make them Christian, So what are they afraid of. It is really the parent who has the paranoia and is “protecting their kid from something they are not even familiar with. Kids certainly get introduced to the hodgepodge of all the other choices. It’s unbelievable that a parent would deny kids a choice in the most important area of life and a human’s freewill. So if these pro-choice parents are denying a choice by keeping their kids from this exposure, who is doing the brainwashing? .
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March 27, 2014 at 3:37 pm
Going to church doesn’t satisfy some criteria that God mandates for us to keep our salvation. The Bible does not give a three times a week formula for church, that is a man made frame. The Bible is our guideline, but it seems like a lot times what we are being told can’t be found anywhere in the Bible or it’s grossly taken out of context.It is our responsibility to know what our Bible says for ourselves and our children’s sake. Subjecting children to bad teachers isn’t doing them or us as parents any favors. Kids know when people are faking, don’t really care, and aren’t prepared. Teachers need to be held accountable for how they are treating children in Sunday School, it is a privilege not a right that we allow them that kind of access to our most precious possession. Too often we protect the bad teachers, the Bible says in Acts 17:11
King James Version (KJV)
11 These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so. They heard the word and then studied themselves to make sure what they were being told was true. I am saved by grace that the Bible says is free and I didn’t do anything to get it and don’t have to do anything to keep it. So who brings us and our children back under the law?
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March 27, 2014 at 3:57 pm
I too, was forced to go to church until I turned eighteen and left. I’ve never been back. I’m an atheist now and have never felt more “spiritually” free. Anyone who truly researches Christianity will realize a lot of it was made up and stolen from other religions to gain more followers. You don’t need religion to be a good person, and even if there was a God, why would it try to limit human potential as most religions do?Forcing an unproved idea as if it were true down a person’s throat is harmful and unethical.
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March 28, 2014 at 6:52 am
Faith is called faith precisely because it isn’t provable. Do you believe evolution? That is not provable, but is taught as fact in public schools. I can’t prove Christianity to you, which is exactly why believe it by faith. I’m very sorry to hear you have no need for Jesus. But Christianity was not “made up and stolen from other religions to gain more followers.” No one would make up a religion with these details. It doesn’t make sense to us that God would take our punishment upon Himself. Look at other religions. You have to earn your way to heaven. Not so with Christianity. Jesus did it all. That’s illogical to us. No one would make that up. Jesus taking all our sins upon Himself, dying on the cross, and rising three days later? Who would make that up? No one would believe it! But I’m sure grateful that was God’s plan! I know by faith that I will live with Him in heaven one day, and that’s the best news of all!
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March 28, 2014 at 4:46 pm
Are you an idiot? Evolution is all around us. EVERYTHING is proof of evolution. How can you pass off the “Adam and Eve” story as proof? Your only proof is a little book from years ago written by a bunch of arab men. Haha.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:34 pm
I’m not getting into a debate about creation vs evolution. I absolutely believe the account of creation, as presented in God’s Word, the Bible. Insult me if you wish, but my beliefs stand.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Please don’t be rude. BTW, not even leading evolutionary scientists agree on the so-called proof of evolution. And unless there was someone there to observe it, the facts will always be disputable.
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March 30, 2014 at 9:27 am
Actually, what you see all around you is creation. Your scoffing at the evidence that God put in His creation just heaps condemnation on your own head. The overwhelming evidence in nature that points us to the fact that God exists leaves us all without excuse. God is real and He certainly doesn’t need you to believe that fact in order for it to be true. Evolution is a lie and only an idiot or someone searching for relief from their responsibility to God would ever believe it. Believing the theory of evolution is equivalent to believing that you could blow up Home Depot and have all the pieces fall out of the sky to form a perfect house. Order does not naturally come out of chaos. Order, like what occurs in the creation all around you, can only be the result of a master designer/engineer. His name is Jesus and He is not only the creator of everything around you but He is also the only reason it doesn’t literally fall apart.
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April 1, 2014 at 7:12 am
Perhaps you intended this comment for one of the other responders. In my dashboard here, it looks like you’re responding to my comments. For the record, I am a firm believer in the account of creation, and I agree with your comments that “what you see all around you is creation.” I don’t scoff at evidence God put in His creation. I just want to make that clear, lest there be any confusion as to what I personally believe.
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March 27, 2014 at 5:51 pm
Let’s face it … CHURCH SUCKS!
You have very little time to spend with your family as it is and church does nothing to pump you, refresh you or make you a stronger Christian. Church is OLD SCHOOL and should be done away with. In addition there is the face that most people have to put on before they walk into the door and that fake smile and knowing that you would much rather be somewhere else (anywhere else) than listening to the same stupid praise music, same boring choir and the run down sermons. No one ever remembers that crap anyways and going out the door you toss out the bulletin.
Sure — churches try to use multi media and electronic sermon notes to spice up the learning but does it really change the same boring routine of the service? The best thing my church ever did was to add guest wifi in the chapel so I could surf the internet during the service on my tablet.
It’s all a bunch of Crap with a capitol C … and people that tell you “…oooh you have to fellowship and be a part of a group of caring people…” If you ever leave the church no one would even call or visit you to see what the hell happened… they just go on with their own lives. Go do something more useful with your life. Volunteer in your neighborhood or community to help the homeless or join a service organization. But for gods sakes … stay away from that time consuming hole they call church.
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March 28, 2014 at 7:03 am
It sounds as if you had a very bad experience in church at some point. Actually the church you describe sounds nothing like the church I attend. We don’t have “stupid praise music” or “multi media and electronic sermon notes.” We sing hymns and listen to sermons that expound upon God’s Word. You say no one remembers the sermons anyhow. That may be true to an extent. There are a handful of sermons that stand out in my memory, but do I remember every single one? No. Do you remember what you ate for dinner on February 6? Does that mean it was pointless to eat on that day? Each time you hear God’s Word read and explained, it nourishes your soul. I’m sorry your experience was as bad as it was. Perhaps consider trying another church? There really are churches out there that teach God’s Word and care about its members. Please don’t allow one bad experience to color your view of Christianity as a whole.
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March 28, 2014 at 11:04 am
I’m sorry that your experience with church has been so awful, but let me assure you that there are vibrant, excited, active bodies of believers (also known as churches) all over the place. My parents’ church is a small country church with a bunch of little old ladies who will knock your socks off. My church is a small suburban church that is growing and trying to balance the needs of the new with the needs of the old and doing a pretty good job, while at the same time finding new ways to reach out to and serve our community. Our previous church was the largest church in that community, and the city relied on it to provide volunteers for all sorts of community events and projects, and the church body eagerly showed up because they considered it their ministry in that community. The one commonality among each of these churches is a body of believers who love God and want to glorify Him through serving their communities and loving each other. I encourage you to spend more time looking for a living body instead of the churches you’ve been to. But one thing you must remember: you must be alive in the body as well. If you are dead in the body, then no wonder you think that church is boring and a waste of time. If part of a body dies, say a finger or a toe, then the body can no longer supply sustenance to it. Is that the body’s fault?
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March 27, 2014 at 6:34 pm
I remember when I first started going to church, I told my teenage daughter that nothing would change and that she would not be forced to go to church. Not long after, I got saved and everything changed. I still maintained my decision not to force her to go to church but it wasn’t long before God showed me how wrong I was. Just as you mentioned in your article about providing food, shelter, clothing and education, I also needed to provide spiritual guidance and I was lacking. When I told her that she would need to go to church with me, she threw every excuse my way and even reminded me that I had told her nothing would change and I would never force her to go. She was upset to say the least and God revealed scripture to me that I in turn showed to her about my decision. That wasn’t enough for her but she obeyed me and for that I was grateful. It wasn’t long afterwards when she made a decision for Christ. Good things happen when we put our trust in Him and stop trying to please our kids.
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March 27, 2014 at 8:40 pm
It’s a matter of habit of what we do every week Our children expected it; it wasn’t something to be discussed. Same with family Bible reading after supper everyday. Some of our best discussions came then–as in Deut. 6–talking at the supper table. Sweet memories and all 4 of our children still sit down together for dinner at night. (But one is not walking with the Lord so you can help me pray for him. I’m 80 years old and am thankful I was brought up in a Christian home so I’ve known the Lord for at least 74 years. Bill Burnside
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March 27, 2014 at 8:56 pm
Umm, Jesus did not go to church. You can have faith, believe, and live your life accordingly without stepping foot in a money hungry business. I have a great relationship with God and Jesus. Church has nothing to do with it.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:44 pm
Jesus did in fact go to “church.” He taught in the synagogue. Luke 4:16-30 relates the account of him teaching in his home synagogue. He read from the Old Testament (Isaiah, in fact) and expounded upon it, much like our sermons today. And I’ve never thought of church as a “money hungry business.” That’s not the purpose of the true church. The church on earth is to be a body of believers mutually building up and supporting one another in their faith, proclaiming God’s Word to the world.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm
Jesus went to temple (Luke 2), which is where the scholars taught the rest of the Jews about the scriptures, which sounds pretty much like a modern church. The Gospels also repeatedly tell of Jesus teaching in the temple or synagogue.
And while you may not have to attend a church as Ruth discusses, you absolutely should be meeting with a group of believers regularly as described in Hebrews if you want to follow scriptural teachings.
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March 29, 2014 at 9:17 am
Please don’t tell me what I should to do.Do you really think you have the power to do that? My relationship with God and Jesus is mine. Jesus would hardly be accepted in most churches today for basically his appearance and poverty.
Jesus is church to me. I do NOT need a building or organization to experience my faith.
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March 29, 2014 at 11:26 pm
“ThoughtfullyConservative” never claimed to have the power to tell you what you should do. He or she was referring to the verse in Hebrews that tells us not to give up the habit of meeting together, and as that is part of the Bible, it bears thoughtful and prayerful consideration on the part of ALL Christians.
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March 31, 2014 at 12:05 pm
EM L, I’m sorry that you took my comment like that. The church isn’t a building or an organization – it is the body of believers who come together in corporate worship and to share this walk that God has given us. It can be a large body that meets in a particular place, such a what people typically consider a church, or it can be a small group comprised of friends who meet regularly.
I’m sorry that you think that Jesus would not be accepted at most churches today. I think that is a misperception popularized by Hollywood and having very little basis in reality. I’ve been to too many churches where this is certainly not the case for the idea that “most” churches would reject anyone based on appearance or financial status to be valid. If you have any facts to back up this assertion, please share them.
I would ask you to consider that your relationship with God is not yours, but His. And while you don’t need a building or an organization to experience your faith, the regular interaction with other believers who will challenge you and hold you accountable and share their own experiences is often vital to growing in your faith. Which would you rather do: Just experience your faith all by yourself for the rest of your life, or share your faith with those whom God has provided to be your body of believers and grow with them into a dynamic force for His kingdom? There is value in belonging to a body, which I suspect is why the Bible instructs us to do so.
Thank you, Ruth, for your kind and thoughtful words. I am a she, by the way. I am afraid that the bountiful negative responses to your post reveal a hostility to organized religion that I think I knew was there but was hoping was diminishing. The only response is for those of us in organized churches to continually reach out to our communities and let them see that our church is not what they think it is.
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March 27, 2014 at 9:21 pm
Wow. What lazy logic. I hope this post was satire because it concerns me that people of faith see the world this way. I suggest you take some courses or read some books on basic logic and fallacies before trying to make rational arguments. Such basic straw men.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm
Care to actually provide any logic of your own for the accusations you make?
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March 27, 2014 at 10:32 pm
I am going to paraphrase something I read a while back. There is a professor teaching a religious class and he tells his students that God put all beings on this earth for a reason. One student pops up and asks why God creates atheists. The professor replies that atheists teach us humility because when they do good it is not because of a promise of eternal reward or damnation. They are doing it simply because it is morally right and you should need neither carrot nor stick in order to do right to others.
I think this sums up a lot of the trouble I have with religion. It is always the carrot and stick and never being taught to do right simply because it is right. Morals do not have to come from religion. They are neither mutually inclusive nor mutually exclusive.
People who claim to be religious need to cease being so judgmental and live the life they claim to want and often claim to live while only giving lip service. In all the many years I was forced to go to church and the teen years when I went looking on my own, I met very few so called Christians who actually lived the life of kindness and morality that the Bible says we should live. So, while I believe in a higher power, I do not believe hypocritical people need to be shoving their views down mine or my children’s throats.
My children go to church if they want with family since neither my husband (who is their father… like I said religion and morals aren’t mutual necessarily) nor I is particularly interested. If my kids find peace and meaning, more power to them. If they don’t, then that is their decision and unlike so many who use church as a crutch with hellfire and brimstone speeches to insure good behavior, we teach ours that actions have consequences and that you apologize when you hurt someone because it is the right thing to do, nor because your soul will rot is you aren’t living to an oft translated book’s ideal being. How many men shave their faces? How many women here are completely subservient to their husband? If you aren’t going to live it, don’t expect me to stand there while you preach it. And if you truly believe that Jesus washes your sins away, how much eternal pain do you expect him to suffer for your vanity and inability to completely follow the rule book? After all an apology only really counts if you adhere to the rules after you ask forgiveness.
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March 28, 2014 at 6:57 am
Grace! The Old Testament proves we cannot follow the rules no matter how we try. That is why we need Jesus’ blood to cover our sin. We can’t do it on our own. When we get to heaven and we are not covered by Grace through the blood of Jesus, our sins will glare and God will ‘I never knew you.’ Good does not count because, you are right, we can never be good enough. Grace. Do a study on it. Blessings!
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March 28, 2014 at 11:21 am
I saddens me deeply when i hear people talk about religion as a crutch or bribery. I am a Christian, but i do not see myself as “religious” . Religion is an outward practice of traditional beliefs. I view it as my RELATIONSHIP with Christ. I do what i know to be right, not ou of fear of eternal damnation, but because of what my Savior did for me! I “make” my kids go to church for several reasons… The most important being, I want them to know Christ! I want them under the teaching of God’s word. I believe that the local church is used by God as a family. I know what people are saying about the “religious” and “forcing their views” I simply tell people how i live MY life and why I do what I do, and if the want to know more, I will joyfully tell them about my loving Savior that has promised me an eternity with Him! My prayer is that I live my life in such a way that others will WANT to know!
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March 27, 2014 at 11:13 pm
This is a sick, disgusting, twisted article that puts brainwashing and religious indoctrination as a necessity.
Here’s the REAL reason parents force their kids to go to church… If kids don’t go to church,, they lack the discipline required to deny every truth, every fact, and ignore the world around them in favor of the fear imposed by a fake hell. This ensure that they will never become smarter, brighter, and more enlightened than their parents. Parents can continue to feel self riotous, and hold power over their kids.
Do your children a favor – let them develop on their own. Don’t stimy them with the lead weight of religion.
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March 28, 2014 at 6:45 am
Whether you believe it or not, heaven and hell are very real. And as many others have pointed out in their comments, Christians don’t use hell as a fake carrot to hold in front of their kids’ noses to bribe them not to misbehave. By “letting kids develop on their own,” you have already made the choice for them not to believe anything. Can kids brought up in this environment grow up and eventually become Christian? Absolutely, and some people have commented as such on this article. Can children who were brought up in a Christian environment grow up and reject that faith? Yes, they can, to the dismay of their parents. They still have free will and can indeed reject God. Just as a loving parent shows a child how to take care of themselves physically, so does a loving Christian parent does all he or she can to care for the spiritual needs of their children.
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March 28, 2014 at 12:37 am
We take our young children into the service with us because we want them to learn the songs and listen to the preaching. You’re right – they are never too young. I just wish that those who are convinced that all people younger than 10 need to be in the nursery or Children’s Church would leave us alone and stop asking us if we’d like for them to take them for us. If we wanted them there, we know how to get them there. Our children are not disruptive, and I like being together as a family in church. They ask repeatedly if they can go to Children’s Church, and I have to tell them no. They belong with me, learning the Word of God with me instead of in Children’s Church, where I have no idea about what’s going on. Their Biblical education is too important to just hope that whoever is teaching Children’s Church this week is up to the task.
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March 31, 2014 at 12:45 pm
Just a thought regarding Children’s Church from the perspective of a parent who chooses to allow their child to attend:
At our church, the message is usually a Bible story (or relevant passage relating to everyday life) told at a level that younger children can absorb and understand, with age-appropriate graphics, games and activities. to keep them engaged.In addition, I am familiar with the teachers and curriculum being used in our program, and have little fear that the teachers aren’t “up to the task”. While I appreciate your desire to be together as a family in church, I choose to allow my child to attend Children’s Church while he’s still too young for me to expect him to comfortably sit quietly still for an hour. I’ve seen many kids either playing on their parents’ phones, doodling on the back of the bulletin, squirming around restlessly, etc. How many of them are truly learning the Word of God?
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April 1, 2014 at 5:46 pm
My kids have their backpacks full of things to keep their hands occupied during the sermon. They are allowed to get into them after the singing. Just because their hands are busy – coloring, playing with cars or ponies, snuggling a stuffed animal – doesn’t mean their minds and hearts aren’t open to being touched by God through something the preacher says or the scripture that is read. At only 5 and 6, they ask questions about the preaching, which I prefer they hear to the often watered down “children’s” version of the Bible that gets taught in children’s church.
My problem with children’s church is that I think it has trained children to think that church must include entertainment and that church without entertainment is boring. I think that it interferes with the relationship building that must occur among the generations in order for children to feel “plugged in” to that church when they become young adults, which I say happens about the age of 13, when they are all of too old for children’s church and too cool for anything else. I think that children of any age can sit quietly for an hour because I see them do it regularly at my parents church which has no nursery. Everyone of all ages gathers in the sanctuary to sing, then listen to as many as 4 preachers preach. Are all the kids perfectly well behaved all the time? No, but more often than not they are. And I’ve watched kids grow up in that church, and where do they still attend now that they are teenagers?
I’m not trying to fuss at folks who use the children’s church for what it is: a break. Free babysitting. It really doesn’t bother me that you or anyone else does. I understand. But I think that we are fooling ourselves if we say that we are going to build strong, healthy bodies if we keep the parts segregated all the time.
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April 2, 2014 at 10:02 am
While I appreciate and respect your choice, I wish you would extend the same courtesy to those of us who have chosen differently. You imply that anyone who allows their children to attend Children’s Church is simply looking for free babysitting, and that view is not only disrespectful and condescending, it’s patently false.
I send my child to children’s church because the Gospel is presented at a level he can comprehend. I wouldn’t send him to a college lecture and expect him to fully understand what’s being taught; I allow him to learn at a level commensurate with his intellectual level. He enjoys going because the lessons are geared toward his age level. He doesn’t need to color, play with cars, or any other distractions to keep him from being bored, because he is hearing about Jesus’ love for him in a way that makes sense to him and holds his attention. He has already accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior, and is growing in his faith and in his knowledge of scripture.
To assume that those of us who participate in Children’s Church are either lazy parents or uncaring of our children’s spiritual needs is about as “thoughtlesslyconservative” as any assumption I’ve ever come across.
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March 28, 2014 at 1:06 am
You need to look deeper than the reason given for not going to church. The church is losing young people because it has not provided the community support and societal relevance that the first century church did. There are some churches making a difference. If your church is not growing then something is wrong, but dont blame it on young people. Look at yourself first.
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March 28, 2014 at 5:44 am
I AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY WITH EVERYTHING IN THIS POST
PARENTS – If there’s one thing that the little rascals should be exposed to every Sunday, it’s about that beautiful, red, messy, notoriously brutal, public execution. It’s the greatest historical tale ever told, after all.
My motto is: Why stop with the importance of learning about just one person’s public murder? Young kids would simply be an incomplete person if they weren’t regularly (every Monday is best) and forcibly exposed to (1) photos, (2) stories, and (3) songs about entire GROUPS of people being executed.
Everyone should know about genocide – it’d be a parent’s utter failure if they didn’t teach their children (younger the better)! Really make sure they never forget. Did you know that these modern day schools don’t even cover every single genocide? They want to paint a rosey picture that there are only a few in history.
Seriously? What kind of parent would forget that each genocide is important for kids to be made to know about? Well, at least you parents giving it an effort to teach your kids about the one agonizing public murder.
For this, I thank you.
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March 28, 2014 at 6:40 am
To compare the crucifixion of Jesus to mass genocide is illogical. And church is not a place where we “forcibly expose young kids to photos, stories, and songs about Jesus being executed.” Would I take my preschooler to see “The Passion of the Christ?” Most certainly not. We teach our kids from infancy that Jesus loves them. We sing to our baby “Jesus loves me” before bed every night and well before the age of two, she started saying “Jesus” before bedtime. She knew that was our routine. Does she understand the details of the crucifixion? No. But she sees a picture of a cross and connects it by saying “Jesus.” As kids get older, yes, they learn more of the details about the crucifixion, but you seem to think that’s all Christians talk about. There’s a whole other side to the account! Yes, Jesus died. He died a horrible, painful death. He did it for you. He did it for me. But then He rose from the dead three days later. He showed that even death doesn’t have power over Him. Every church service is a “little Easter” celebration. We don’t dwell on gory details. We rejoice that Jesus defeated death for us so we can one day live forever with Him.
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March 28, 2014 at 6:50 am
Christ’s suffering and death remains a fundamental part of the bible, such that it is painting a rosey picture for a kid otherwise (some incomplete picture). Lambs, coloring books, and fun songs alone are the real lie on Sundays for the kids then. The whole point was for Christ to suffer and suffocate on that cross – it should at least be made clearer to kids.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:50 pm
No, I agree. My kids are well aware of Jesus’ suffering and death. I only mean to say that it’s not like we show gory pictures to preschoolers in church to “scare them” into believing. We present the salvation story to our children in age-appropriate ways.
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March 28, 2014 at 7:05 am
Actually, Jesus’ crucifixion is mass genocide. All man’s (and woman’s) sin were heaped upon Him, past and present, to offer His bride, us-the church, to God as spotless. Some people just do not choose to be the bride and therefore will not share in the inheritance either. So, every man died to his sin that glorious day. Sad that many take back their sins and tell Jesus ‘No Thanks, I got this.’
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March 28, 2014 at 5:40 pm
You make a fine point about every man dying to his sin that day because of Jesus. Theologically speaking, it was a mass genocide of sin. I understand where you’re coming from with that, although I doubt that was Andrew’s original intent with the mass genocide comment.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:03 am
Forcing something onto someone is an easy way to turn them away from it. It doesn’t matter if you send your child to every single service if your forcing it upon them the interest won’t be there, they might hear whats said but won’t listen. I am an example as well as other people I know. What good does it do if you force your child to be “saved” if they don’t mean it, or baptized. Another thing never giving them a choice in anything ruins them because they will never know how to make a choice on their own. Just some food for thought for y’all good day.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:57 pm
If this is food for thought, it must have been served through a drive-thru window, and thought is likely to die of heart disease or liver damage.
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March 31, 2014 at 12:54 pm
It’s not about “forcing your child to be saved”. It’s about presenting the Gospel to them and allowing them to choose for themselves, having been given the information. Where else will they hear this message? From public schools? From the government? Unless they are homeschooled or attend private school, they are force-fed a secular humanistic view from kindergarten through college, with no room whatsoever for even the slightest discussion of Christianity.
For the record, a child who is forcibly “saved” or baptized has most likely NOT had a true salvation experience, and is the exact opposite of what most of us are trying to accomplish by mandating church attendance when they are young.
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April 1, 2014 at 6:58 am
Actually, I have no doubt that my baby, who cannot yet articulate her faith, has saving faith precisely because of her baptism. Does that mean that everyone who was baptized as a baby will go to heaven no matter what they believe as an adult? No. One can reject one’s baptism, but that’s the fault of the person, not the baptism. “Baptism now saves you,” 1 Peter 3:21 says. I trust that promise for my children.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:38 am
YES! Indoctrinate those little buggers EARLY!
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March 28, 2014 at 8:53 pm
So is this a positive or negative reaction to the thoughts in the blog?
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March 28, 2014 at 9:47 am
Thank you so much for sharing the urgency of the church (God’s church, not necessarily the building). The way you phrased it was so eloquent. A friend of mine put this on her Facebook wall, and it surprised me that she would advocate an article with your title. So I had to read it, to see why she agreed with it. I am glad I did. Thank you.
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March 28, 2014 at 12:45 pm
I was forced to go to Church when I was younger and now 26 I refuse to step into one. I grew up to realize that Churches are some of the most hypocritical environments one can attend. I would be careful forcing your kids to do anything that isn’t a necessity such as eating or attending school regularly. They may grow up to resent the forced object.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Plenty of doctors smoke and overeat and don’t exercise regularly. Are you never going to go to the doctor just because some are hypocritical regarding the advice they would likely give to their patients? Are you going to not force your kids to get shots because you’re afraid they will resent going to the doctor?
Being part of the body of Christ is much the same as being the member at a gym. Plenty of different people at different levels of physical development and commitment to healthful living all frequent the gym. It would be ridiculous for a person in poor physical fitness who wanted to improve to go to a gym and say, “I’m never coming back here because there are fat people and people who talk more than they work out here.”
The body of Christ is made up of the same type of people as the gym: all at different levels of spiritual development and commitment to the kingdom of God. But just as there are plenty of gyms to choose from, so are there plenty of churches. And just as I recently found a gym where those who are singularly focused in their own health and fitness are truly encouraging and friendly and instructive to me, there is a church out there for you with spiritually-minded folks who will be encouraging and friendly and instructive.
But what if I see one of these wonderfully fit, health-minded people out at McDonald’s scarfing down a Big Mac and fries and a chocolate shake? Should I pitch a fit and complain about how hypocritical they are and how I’m never going to the gym again because I don’t want to end up like them? How ridiculous! I should say hi and go about my way and be the one to encourage them next time I see them at the gym. Everyone needs encouragement from someone every now and again.
Now I know this analogy has its flaws, but it still works. Please consider finding a church with people who love God and will love you. There are plenty of them out there.
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March 28, 2014 at 2:50 pm
This isn’t an attack at all but an observation, maybe to pave way for a healthy debate: Not eating…would kill you. Not going to school…would be breaking the law. Not going to church….would…what? The consequences of the first two examples are real and we know this. We don’t KNOW what will happen if we don’t go to church, because that consequence is based on a belief.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:34 pm
We know because the Word of a Holy, Living, All-Powerful God, our Creator and Saviour, our Redeemer and Friend informs our faith that the Word is true, and He said that the wages of sin is death. Sin will kill your soul just as surely as not eating will kill your body. If you doubt this, find anyone who regularly engages in a particular sin like adultery or lying. Unlike a physically destructive activity like drug use, these two behaviors rarely have obvious physical consequences. But if you could see the damage done to the souls of those who engage in these activities, you would see souls with scars and lesions and sunken, hollow eyes and hair and teeth falling, just like any long-term drug addict. So don’t believe in the effects of sin if you wish, but just because you don’t believe doesn’t make it any less true. This woman knows the truth and desires that she do her parental duty that her children know the truth as well. But I suspect that she wants so much more than for her children to know that sin kills. I suspect that she wants them to know the truth about God: He is our loving Heavenly Father who desires a relationship with us. I suspect that she will accomplish that, and it will have ever so much greater an impact than knowing that sin is death.
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March 28, 2014 at 3:41 pm
I LOVE this!! Sometimes putting something in to the context of something else truly does show the flaws in an argument. You’re spot on with this one!! Train up a child in the way he should go – a verse I’ve lived my life by as a parent!
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March 28, 2014 at 8:07 pm
Christians are morons. Brainwashing children is as dangerous as letting them play in the street.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:16 pm
Who is brainwashing anyone?
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March 29, 2014 at 2:43 am
I almost hate to keep chiming in, poor Ruth (you go Girl!!), but it occurred to me to ask this question: everyone discussing ‘brainwashing’ and ‘letting children choose for themself’ (and all such similar comments), do you sit down and teach your children about Christanity (33%), Islam (21%), Non-religion (16%), Hinduism (14%), Chinese (6%), Buddhism (6%), African (6%), Sikhism (.036%), Judaism (.22%)? After your lesson you tell your kid ‘I have have given you all the top 9 choices in America so choose one.’ Probably not. So, my conclusion must be that since you are teaching Non-religion in your home because you teach nothing, you are brainwashing too. And as said in an earlier comment, all other religions are based on doing good for a person to have merit. In Chritanity, Grace is a free gift and then our response is out of love, not obligation. In no other religion did One man heap ALL sin on himself past, present, future and die to save sinners and make them appear white as snow before the Father like Jesus did.
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March 29, 2014 at 2:44 pm
Amen! It constantly amazes me how those who claim to have no adherence to any system of belief do not realize that that in itself is its own system.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:19 pm
This whole article is logically fallacious. We, as a society, force our kids to eat their vegetables because they are healthy and have been proven to be a biological necessity. Going to church is not everyone’s idea of healthy and has certainly not been proven necessary or even beneficial to life. When we see a parent allow his or her child to eat only junk food, we are outraged, and some even say it borders on child abuse. But, saying that keeping your kid out of church is tantamount to keeping them from something that is vital to life is horribly offensive. Church is not vital to life. Some would even say that bringing kids up in church is a form of abuse.
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March 28, 2014 at 8:55 pm
Your relationship with Jesus is vital to eternal life. That’s far more serious than any physical earthly consequences.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:36 pm
You BELIEVE that a relationship with Jesus is vital to eternal life. Forcing this belief on your children – or anyone else, for that matter – is immoral. By the exact same argument, religious extremists have every right, or the RESPONSIBILITY even, to murder us heathens so they can go to their god. They teach their kids that ruining their own lives by killing others is what is important, much more so than any punishment these crimes would incur in this temporary life. And they can justify all this with the same moronic logic presented in this article.
Instead, why don’t you teach your kids to use their heads and make their own decisions. Let them recognize that these actions lead to negative social consequences. Teach them critical thinking skills so they can recognize fact from fiction. And when the facts aren’t available (as with religion), they can decide for themselves. And if your god wants to reach out to them and show them the light, they will.
Logically, the arguments made in this article ARE complete crap.
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March 28, 2014 at 9:57 pm
My God has already reached out to them and showed them the light, thankfully. You could not have phrased it better. He placed saving faith in their hearts through the Holy Spirit in their baptisms. That’s the beauty of the God I serve. He reached out to us. He sent Jesus to us even though we didn’t deserve it. We aren’t left to try to be “good enough” and merit heaven on our own. My salvation is certain because my Savior says so.
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March 28, 2014 at 11:34 pm
Where is the logic in your assumption that teaching one’s children faith in God and teaching them to think and analyze are mutually exclusive?
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March 28, 2014 at 9:10 pm
not that I’m dissatisfied with the message here. but it seems to me that it says why would never force my kids to go to church, and the message there was that it reinforces that they would take their kids to church. I’m just a little confused, as to what is the actual message here.
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March 28, 2014 at 10:01 pm
My title was based on my opening facetious paragraph. My kids absolutely attend church with my every week, and contrary to what some comments seem to imply, they aren’t “forced” against their wills. They understand that in our household we go to church, and we do all we can to actively live out our faith during the rest of the week as well.
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March 29, 2014 at 11:04 am
I love this. I find it interesting that people will say that going to school is an absolute must and necessary to survival but going to church is brainwashing. If one is brainwashing, shouldn’t the other be as well? They are the same type of institutions. People attend each of them to learn about something and socialize. Neither of them are “necessary” to physically live. The only things we need to physically survive are shelter, food, and water. No, church is a place that helps you grow in your education of God and not just physically survive but live. It is impossible to attend a QUALITY Bible based church for awhile and not believe that God is real. The evidence is there. It is also impossible to deny that education in school is worthwhile. Are rational people wanting to shut down public schools because some teachers are not the best, some administrators are corrupt, and some students are not able to learn in a typical setting? No, we try to weed out bad teachers and administrators as much as possible. And just as we do not turn away developmentally delayed students at school, the church does not turn away spiritually delayed Christians.
Like one person mentioned before, the church is a hospital for sinners. Imagine it as a makeshift hospital in a warzone. The nurses are injured and many of the patients are near death but everyone is doing what they can to get others to the doctor who will save their lives. It isn’t pretty. Sometimes the doctor has to perform surgery in the worst of environments but he is a true miracle worker and gets it done. Unfortunately there are other forces at play in the patients and sometimes they do not listen to the doctors instructions and end up with an infection. Is it the doctor’s fault? No. If you don’t follow his directives, it is not his fault if your self caused infection leads you to death. Humans, no matter the religion or lack there of, are not pretty. Humanity is the problem. God is perfect and his plan is perfect. Christ was able to follow it perfectly, because he was prefect. We are not. So do not expect another person to be Christ for you. There is only one Savior and that is Jesus.
I applaud the author for making a decision that Christ is more important than her or her kids feelings and that regardless of how they feel they are going to church every week. I don’t know how many times I did not feel like going and after going anyway I found that I needed to hear what was being preached! Keep up the good work regardless of the negative comments you may receive. There is one judge and he will judge when the time comes.
And for the non-believers who criticize this saying you can teach your child right from wrong without God and they can be truly moral people- Where is the true North of your moral compass without a religion? People are not born with a knowledge of right and wrong.
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March 29, 2014 at 2:59 pm
I have to agree with Richard Dawkins that if we are introduced to whatever religion as children by our parents, we will follow that religion, be it Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu, or Christian. This lead to a lot of dogmatic beliefs, and divisiveness. Forcing your children into church from infancy onward…of course they will adopt your belief. I know, from having grown up in a basically fundamentalist Christian household that there are many aspects of this belief that are valid and beneficial in society as far as behaving in a fair and moral way. I still practice much of the behavior of fairness and compassion which I learned as a child. I’m dismayed by heartlessness and hurt that I see people inflicting on each other. I’m just not sure that forcing church-going on children is the right choice for parents. Better to foster healthy choices regarding interpersonal relationships, an awareness of fairness and consideration for one’s fellow man, a basic knowledge of right and wrong, without the impinging thought of heaven and hell….which are really constructs of a medieval fabrication in order to enforce control over a population. Just sayin’.
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March 29, 2014 at 10:33 pm
Many have bristled at the use of the word “force,” and the reason I chose that word is because of so many excuses I’ve heard where adults say just that- I was “forced” to go to church as a child. Believe me, we aren’t threatening our kids under pain of death- “you will be in church or else…” Church is simply what we do in our family. Just as we eat dinner together without the TV on, so do we go to church together as a family. There is no physical force involved.
Regarding your comment about heaven and hell as “constructs of a medieval fabrication in order to enforce control over a population,” that is untrue. Heaven and hell are real, no matter what any individual wants to believe. And many people seem to think Christians use hell to scare people into being good. That is also untrue. My kids are aware that hell exists, but we have never once used hell to scare them into behaving or believing something. There is no comfort at all in believing that when you die, that’s it. What is the point of life than? How much more comforting to know that when I die I will spend eternity with my Savior because of what He did for me. And the reason we bring our children up in the faith, take them to church, and live that faith at home, is because I want nothing more than to have them with me in heaven someday.
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March 30, 2014 at 4:11 pm
If you want to practice the faith, heaven should not be the goal…the morality and life choices of the faith should be the goal. Heaven may or may not exist. I personally think there is something else, another realm into which our souls/spirits move past the body as it expires. It could be that not even this is true, and that we are nothing more than a mass of cells and nerves which turn to dust. That said, it is still admirable to follow a faith that promotes kindness and concern for one’s fellow man…a great way to live one’s life.
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April 1, 2014 at 7:06 am
Without heaven, what would be the point of faith ultimately? I find no comfort whatsoever in believing that when we die, that’s it. So we made some good choices here, but now what? I would fear death if that were true. Instead, I know that death has no power over me because Jesus already defeated it for me. When I die, He will welcome me into heaven and say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant,” (Matthew 25:21, 23). What a beautiful comfort!
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March 29, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Mathew 6
(6:5-6) Jesus tells his disciples not to pray in public:
(6:5) “When thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men.”
(6:6) “When thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray.”
My relationship with God is personal. My parents introduced me to religion out of a sense of obligation to my Catholic grandmother. At age twelve, they gave me the option to continue on or stop going to church. I opted to quit, because such a deeply personal quest, my own spiritual journey, is just that–my own. Church opened my eyes to the endless hypocrisy and judgement found within dogma and “public” places of worship. One can instill compassion and humanity in their child without forcing attendance at a man-made institution. Just ask Jesus.
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March 29, 2014 at 11:12 pm
The verses you cite are valid, but not in the context of the topic at hand. Jesus is not setting a precedent here for a completely private faith. As a matter of fact, earlier in His Sermon on the Mount, He speaks of believers being the “light of the world” in Matthew 5:14-16. “A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” You see, we aren’t to keep our faith hidden. We are to let it be known that we are Christians so as to witness to others. When Jesus tells His disciples not to pray in public, He’s telling them not to put on a show to prove how pious you are. It’s the motive, you see, the condition of the heart. The Pharisees weren’t praying with the right attitude. Jesus’ point is that God sees and hears us even when what we do is invisible to man.
Your point about hypocrisy and judgement has been made before in the comments, and sadly, yes, those things can and do happen in the church. Remember, the church is made up of sinners. We do hurt each other, both intentionally and unintentionally. We aren’t perfect. And there are even those in authority who abuse their positions. But as Nancy pointed out in her comment, “Are rational people wanting to shut down public schools because some teachers are not the best, some administrators are corrupt, and some students are not able to learn in a typical setting? No, we try to weed out bad teachers and administrators as much as possible. And just as we do not turn away developmentally delayed students at school, the church does not turn away spiritually delayed Christians.” She stated her point eloquently. Churchgoers are not perfect, which demonstrates our need for our Savior all the more.
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March 30, 2014 at 1:51 am
I appreciate your reply, as well as the deep commitment you have in dedicating your life to your faith. However, I believe that my comment is, indeed, valid in the context of the topic at hand. We can teach our children how to live a life that would make Jesus proud without the confines of dogma and judgement. To tell our children that they are “sinners” conveys a message which robs them of their divinity. The bible is a book of metaphors, written by men, as a guide to live a righteous life. To take many of these tales literally or at face value limits their message and is an easy way to avoid thinking critically and thoughtfully. We have to do the work to evolve our souls and find our own peace. For some, that work is done within the walls of a parish and for some it is not. As I previously stated, I appreciate and respect the path that you have chosen for you and your family, but that is not necessarily the path for everyone and their children. Religion was created my men who interpreted the words of enlightened souls, such as Jesus or Muhammad. You say, in a reply to a previous post, that heaven and hell are real. How do you know this? And what does it mean? How do you know, with certainty, that it is not a metaphor? I know the answer is “faith”. But, as I stated before, we all have the choice of practicing our “faith” in our own way, and encouraging our children to do the same, if we see fit.
“Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
In my interpretation, our “good works” are the loving acts and deeds that we perform and share with our fellow human beings, as we further strive to evolve into our most divine selves, in the name of God-a God that is simply Love. The Love that connects us all.
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April 1, 2014 at 7:27 am
You say that “to teach our children that they are ‘sinners’ conveys a message which robs them of their divinity.” Where do you get the belief that any of us are, in fact, “divine?” I don’t believe that, and certainly my children don’t either. None of us are divine. The Bible clearly tells us that “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). It also says that “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). I’m very sorry you believe the Bible to be a “book of metaphors, written by men, as a guide to live a righteous life.” Certainly, there are passages in the Bible that tell us how to live on this earth, but the whole point of the Bible is to point to Jesus, the way of salvation. Both of the verses I reference above continue. Romans 3:24 says, “and all are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” 1 John 1:9 goes on to say, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Yes, we are sinners, but that’s not the end of the story! How do I know with certainty, you ask? You’re exactly right when you say “faith.” “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen,” Hebrews 11:1 tells us. It’s almost like a dictionary definition. I can’t “prove” my faith to you, and that’s why it’s called “faith.” But through God’s gift of faith to me, I am absolutely certain of my salvation in Jesus Christ.
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April 1, 2014 at 5:58 pm
While this all sounds very nice, the problem with it is that the Bible is quite clear that we are not divine, that we are all sinners, and that works mean nothing without faith. So while you may choose to believe all of what you have shared, please do not confuse it with Christianity and do not confuse your idea of a “God of Love” with the one true living God, who is equally just, merciful, and loving.
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March 29, 2014 at 7:45 pm
I’m confused. The title is “Why I Would Never Force My Child . . .” but the post is about all the reasons why you should force your child to go to church. I must have missed something.
I was forced to go to church. Sometimes it was fine, sometimes it wasn’t. I am no longer affiliated with a particular denomination and I serve God on His terms, not on Man’s.
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March 29, 2014 at 10:44 pm
My title was based on my facetious opening paragraph on the excuses I have heard about people not taking their children to church. In our house, it is understood that on Sundays, we attend our church. We are built up there by worshiping with fellow Christians, God blesses us with His gifts, and we are strengthened in our faith. Why would I want to deny my children these wonderful things? And I’m intrigued by your comment that you “serve God on His terms, not on man’s.” I wonder what you mean by that. I have never felt that I was serving God on man’s terms. Perhaps some denominations out there set strict rules for their members, but I have not experienced such a thing myself. God’s “terms” (though I cringe to use that word) must be found in His Word, and Scripture includes the exhortation not to give up meeting together (Hebrews 10:25).
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March 30, 2014 at 5:48 am
I can honestly say as a very well educated person with a truly open mind and zero judgement toward any one person’s respective belief, whether it’s “God” or “Tickle Me Elmo.” But after reading this article, I have never been more disappointed and angry by a group of human beings that are members of the 21st century and A. are so poorly educated, intellectually numb, and purposefully procreate, ensuring that their offspring will likely be forced to adopt ignorance and archaic Christian “beleifs” rather than consider that religion has been proven beyond a reasonable doubt to be humanities most unintentionally insidious creation. Religious stories were originally told as bedtime stories in an effort to comfort frightened children with questions that, thousands of years ago, did not have factual answers. It frightens me to the point to that disassociation from the inferior minds isn’t a requirement if I am to contribute to the emotional, spiritual, and intellectual growth of mankind as a whole. When modern human beings with an education allow the brainwashing they experienced as children to remain their version of reality, even among a plethora of indisputable scientifically proven facts that state EVERY single ridiculous possibility found within religion and its children’s stories will attempt to speak as if the idea of “Christianity” was anything more than essentially a stamp on one’s forehead that reads, “I truly do believe in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Unicorns.”
I can’t bear to waste one more second of my time when the mind of a man who doesn’t understand that believing in fairy tales and God’s “will” is no more ridiculous than feeding a dog chocolate bars for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I will feel truly sorry for your child, for what you are doing to her is no less damaging than sexual molestation. (At least “God” will admonish the all of the molester’s terribly acts if the molester decides to apologize, so hopefully you’ll reconsider the stupidity that is your life before you die and realize in a flash that you wasted every single day of your life following commandments, which are not only ridiculous, but also only tell you what “not” to do – wouldn’t a “God” be somewhat of a positive thinker and include sayings, such as be kind, help others, etc. Btw, please email me from hell if it turns out I’m wrong…aye, easily the biggest bunch of losers I’ve seen yet today. I’ve gotta get back to enjoying my wonderful life, which never includes actions that you mindless morons consider sins and must repent in order to whipe “God’s chalkboard” clean for the day. Good luck!!
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April 1, 2014 at 7:16 am
You claim to have “a truly open mind and zero judgment toward any one person’s respective belief,” yet then you go on to completely bash Christians and openly insult us. I find that intriguing. I won’t bother trying to convince you of my beliefs, because you’ve made your own quite clear, and I’m sure I won’t change your mind anyhow, but if you are going to tell me you have an open mind then please at least be respectful in voicing the rest of your comments.
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April 1, 2014 at 5:54 pm
Oh yes, I can certainly see your “truly open mind and zero judgement.” Please share more of your obviously fantastic education with us lowly, not-quite-yet-fully developed selves.
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March 30, 2014 at 11:28 am
I have read almost all of the comments written in response to this article. From a young age (4), I was already talking to God as if I knew he was watching over me. I was lucky to go to church, once a week during those early years. I grew up very spiritual minded and in middle school, I had to call to see if someone would give me a ride to go to church, because my parents didn’t go. I don’t even remember the “type” of church I attended when I was little, and I only went to another church when I was older because I knew some people there. The most important thing I learned was to read the Bible for myself. The Sunday school lessons introduced me to the main characters of the Bible (especially in the Old Testament) and then to Jesus and the apostles. These classes were free from opinion. They just told it like it was. Once I saw I could read the Bible for myself, I began to pour over its pages. I read it front to back, a couple of times during that period. It led to meditation, prayer (prostrate on the floor at times), and a yearning for deeper understanding. Yes, even led to me being baptized, immersed in water. As I grew into the teenage years and after reading the scriptures, my eyes and ears became opened to men and women around me. Yes, there were those at the building who were not practicing what they preached. I asked the preacher once if he would preach a lesson on purity of mind and body, to address examples some displayed while at “church”, but he would not. I decided to leave that church, because although the children’s classes were straight from the Bible, the adults were singing a different tune. That’s where all those opinions come in and what they sometimes considered right or wrong.
I searched for a church where the adults were also taught straight from the Bible. I found one and after I married at age 21, went there. I taught Bible classes to children, hoping to pass on a desire in them to “find out what the Bible really had to say”. The adult classes were very informative from a historical perspective and I gleaned much knowledge during my years there. When my children were born, I felt I had been entrusted with great treasures. God had given me a great responsibility. Of course, they went to church every time that I went. As young children they enjoyed showing me the things they had made regarding a Bible story. As they reached middle school age, they became bored and didn’t want to get up to go to church and by the time the first one became an older teenager, he was complaining every time it was time to prepare to go to church. He didn’t want to go and why was I forcing him to go. I don’t understand why around puberty everything began to go south. Maybe the teachers weren’t enthusiastic enough about the Bible, maybe they didn’t make it interesting enough, maybe they were teaching opinion or baptized teenagers were acting like the rest of the world outside church. I always told the kids that they needed to read the Bible to find out the truth for themselves. I asked them, “How do you know I am telling you the truth?” “How will you know when anybody teaches a falsehood?” Even though I had learned so much at that church and had grown so much, I began to see that the church didn’t teach the whole truth and skipped over areas of study to avoid scripture that they called “difficult”, many of them were as plain as day. I say these things so that we all know that no certain “church” is the answer. The Bible is and it is God’s word. Yes, as parents we have a responsibility to teach our children about God. Yes, I did drag my kids to church at times, with them complaining all the way, because “I thought it was best” to expose them to church and an organized study of the scriptures. I eventually left that church after 21 years. My oldest son, loves to go to church and sing hymns. My second son still complains and says he hates church because I made him go. My third son, was spiritual until he saw that most of his peers were pretending to be Christians, but loved the world more. He struggled and is still struggling to overcome the disillusionment – I believe he is open to going to church somewhere, but has yet to find somewhere to attend. Neither of my two daughters attend a church. One is more spiritual than the other. All believe in God. My advice: know who is teaching your children, attend their classes unannounced. Know their peers at church and outside of church. Talk about “how much they are getting out of their classes”. Find ways to make the Bible interesting: “The Gory Stories of the Bible” (gets the boys interested) and if the church you attend isn’t meeting the spiritual needs of your children, leave and find one that does! I failed on this point. In closing, I don’t want anyone to be “brainwashed” and I don’t want a church that is afraid to break from tradition if the Bible teaches otherwise. How can any of us continue to grow if the church remains stale? If you hated that your parents made you go to church when you were young, you are an adult now, read your Bible and find out the truth. You might be surprised what you will find out about yourself, God and what is most important. Everyone may have an opinion, but make it easy on everyone, just find out the truth for yourself! God be with you all in your struggles to overcome this world, may he give you wisdom and understanding as you work out your own salvation.
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April 1, 2014 at 7:34 am
Thank you for your honesty in your reply. You make many good points, but I do want to say in response to your very last statement that we don’t have to “work out our own salvation.” Perhaps you meant this differently, but that statement could be read as each person finding out their own version of truth, whatever that may be. We don’t have to work out our salvation, because Jesus already did that for us. Nor do we have to “find” truth for ourselves- the Bible spells it out for us. No one’s journey of faith will be the same, certainly, and perhaps that’s what you meant, but in the end, the only path of salvation can be found in Jesus Christ.
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