My parents forced me to eat three times a day growing up. No joke. Three times. Every. Single. Day. And it wasn’t always stuff I liked, either. Matter of fact, I complained a lot about what my mom made. “Ewww, gross! Sauteed zucchini? Seriously? Mom, you know we hate this stuff!” So as I approached adulthood I made an important decision. Since my parents forced me to eat while I was growing up, I decided I was done with meals. Oh, here and there I’ll eat out of obligation. I mean, family traditions like Thanksgiving and Christmas, yeah, I’m there. But daily eating? No way. I’m done.
Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous. But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement.
My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher. He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again. Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?
We’ve never forced our daughter to stay off the road when playing. We don’t want to restrict her imagination. We allow her the freedom to make her own choices in life.
Okay, Ruth. Come on. That one was just ridiculous. No loving parent would ever say that. That’s a safety issue—a matter of life and death. Exactly. And that’s just my point.
Church isn’t a place you go to get pumped up about life. It isn’t entertainment like a movie or concert. It is literally a life and death matter. Eternal life. Just as a loving parent wouldn’t allow their child to wander in the road or to quit school, a loving Christian parent also does not give the option to their children about going to church, learning Bible stories at home, and praying together. Do your kids always jump for joy when they hear you say, “Time to get up! Let’s get ready for church!” No. They won’t. Do they get excited for school every morning? Hardly. But you still make them go. Why? Because you are the parent and you know what’s best. Even when they complain, you serve them healthful meals and limit their junk food intake. You set boundaries for their own safety when playing outside. You insist they go to school because you’re looking at the long term picture. And you are right to do those things. How much more so are you responsible for doing all you can to secure their eternal well being?
Yes, kids can be brought up in a loving Christian home and still turn away later. That’s on them. But you, parents, have a task of the utmost importance. God has placed these precious children into your homes for such a brief while. You have them with you for perhaps a fifth of their lives. Set a strong foundation while they are under your roof. Take them to church. Make sure they understand that they are sinners and that Jesus is their Savior. They are never too young to learn this. My one-and-a-half-year-old sees a cross and excitedly shouts, “Jesus!” Don’t use the excuse that “they wouldn’t understand this.” Try them. I don’t understand it all myself, but I still believe. And you’d better believe that the Holy Spirit works in their hearts effectively. My children sometimes amaze me with the insights they pick up during devotions or Bible readings. The strength of their faith often humbles me. Once when I was having a terrible day, my oldest asked, “Can I pray with you?” He was nine at the time. He knows there is power in prayer. He perceives that sometimes there’s nothing he can say that will make it better, so he’ll just go straight to the One who does have that power.
Do my own kids complain about church? Yes. Do they tell me it’s boring? Sometimes, yes. They say the same things about school. But church and school are different environments for a reason. School is centered around learning and thus has its own schedule and structure. Church is a hospital for sinners. That would be all of us, mind you. You, me, the drug dealer a few streets away—all of us are sinners in need of a Savior. So what do we do at church? We confess our sins. Why do we do this at the start? To “wipe our feet” before entering God’s house, so to speak. Then we are assured of forgiveness. We hear God’s Word. We sing hymns proclaiming what Christ has done for us. We hear sermons where our pastors preach Christ. We don’t go to church to hear what we have to do to gain heaven. No, Christ did it all. 100%. We can’t do one thing to merit salvation for ourselves. That’s why we hear sermons about Jesus and not about us. We take the body and blood of Jesus in Holy Communion for the strength of our souls. And we depart refreshed to serve God by serving our families, friends, and neighbors in Christian love.
So parents, don’t give in to outside pressures telling you not to force your kids to go to church. Don’t give in to them, either, when they complain about it. Because at some point an amazing thing happens—that kid who complains about church grows up and takes his or her own kids to church every Sunday. Going back to my opening analogy, believe it or not, there came a point in my own life where I realized I actually liked sauteed zucchini (although I never would have admitted that to my mother). Keep at it, parents. Just as we need three meals a day for physical strength and nourishment, so do we need regular worship to refresh and strengthen our souls. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go make breakfast.
Author’s note: In response to many of the comments I wrote a new post called To Brainwash a Child? on March 31. You may be interested in checking it out if you haven’t already.

March 25, 2014 at 5:55 pm
I understand that you are using the language of violence to make a point, but “force” is a very strong word. Still, even though I was a bit uncomfortable at your language, I very much agree with you. I’ve heard some people say that they don’t make their kids go to church because they don’t want to “force them to choose a religion.” But by leaving your kids in ignorance, parents are de facto choosing for them. As a parent, I feel a strong responsibility to make my kids go until they’ve gone through confirmation class in middle school; after that, it’s their choice. Both of my teenagers have chosen to continue going, partly because I made them go when they were little but mostly because I gave them the freedom to choose for themselves once they started high school.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:09 am
Jedi – I don’t think you read the article past the title (?)
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March 25, 2014 at 6:28 pm
Interesting arguments, but (as a former Sunday School teacher of children), I must say that it sounds good but it is very hard to teach complicated subjects that build on each other and take time and a gradual framework before understanding comes — if attendance is voluntary and only done when the students or their families “feel like it.” Public Schools recognize this — almost from the beginning, attendance has been mandatory and the students don’t have a choice as to whether to attend… can you imagine trying to teach calculus or trig to a student who hasn’t had to years of working up to that math level, step by step, year by year, starting with understand and mastering the most basic addition and subtracting, and then adding on that, level by level, year by year, until a student can take on the big stuff? Can you imagine trying to teach a high-schooler or college student something like that if school attendance their whole life had been voluntary and never “forced”? The Bible is the same way. It says, “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God.” It takes a lifetime of reading to Bible to really get a good feel for the continuity and still the process of getting to know the God behind it is an ocean of understanding we are just starting to master when our time on Earth is up … understanding of God, how He thinks, what He requires, is also a matter of built-up understanding, layer upon layer, year upon year, just like the math example given above. With kids’ attendance not regular and sustained over years, churches are often forced to teach the same basic stuff over and over and over again, in very small bites with no continuity … and many are also reduced to falling over each other to entertain, to be the “coolest church on the block” — as the price for attracting those who come only if they feel like it, when they feel like it. … I truly hurt for kids who end up resenting church and God … but I myself wasn’t given a choice as a kid, and I am a far richer person today because that was true. And the price for not coming to know God through the word He has revealed? Again, Jesus warned his followers just before He departed that “the day will come when those who kill you will think they are doing God a service. This will be because they have never known God … or Me.” God is not just a fairy tale we can mold to whatever looks best to us. He is Who He Is Who He Is, whether our view or preference of what we demand He be like to be worthy of our attention is accurate, or not. And there is a terrible price for ignorace of Him. You can disagree, but those aren’t my words — they were Christ’s.
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March 26, 2014 at 10:29 am
I feel like what you are saying here is that God isn’t sovereign, and if you don’t go to church as a child you will never understand the Word and therefore are damned to hell…. not true. God’s ways are higher and his thoughts are higher than ours. And you can gain full revelation of something in a second as His Spirit reveals… You don’t have to go to church consistently to know God. In fact, I know people who know God better than some pastors and preachers who have never gone to “church” but they do home groups and enjoy community and fellow believers… church as we know it in America is a business and just another organization. THE CHURCH as laid out in the Bible, is us! You and I are the bride of Christ and we don’t have to go to a building once a week to know that.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:14 pm
Yet, the Bible still advises us not to forsake the assembling together of believers (Hebrews 10:25). Why? Because we need each other. We need to encourage one another in the faith (v 25). We need to be plugged into the church body (1 Cor 12:18, 27). Of course, you can have a relationship with God outside of church. But don’t you want to go to church? Don’t you desire to be among God’s people and worship Him?
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March 26, 2014 at 4:21 pm
I agree that you can understand the Word of God if you never went to church as a child, but that doesn’t look like what they said. I think you read that into it. I didn’t come to faith until I was 18. My parents rarely made me go to church, and they never had me go to a small group or Sunday School. In college, I got involved with a small groups based church. I began to see the huge benefit of small groups, but they never replaced church service. Both are beneficial. There are a lot of people who know God better than some pastors and preachers, but knowledge does not replace calling. God has called some to be pastors (Ephesians 4:11). I am not saying that every person that is up in the pulpit on Sunday is one of the called, but they should be. It may seem like a business. Part of it is a non for profit business, and some do run it far more like a business that it should be. Paul said that a laborer is worth their wage (1 Timothy 5:18), and I can attest to the fact that a good pastor works a lot. Paul also said that they are worthy of double honor, especially those that labor at preaching and teaching. Ultimately, whether it is a small group, church plant, traditional, contemporary, or whatever, they need a pastor, and that pastor should be called by God to fulfill that role. I also think it is a bad idea to be critical about how other people worship God as long as they are doing it with their whole heart in spirit and in truth. You may not have had a good experience in a traditional type of church. I say that is likely due to the people rather than the structure.
My suggestion for anyone who may read this is to find a good pastor who teaches the whole Word of God in a group of people who are actively reaching out to the community and ministering to people (not just sitting in pews). Find that and be actively involved.
With regards to the article. Any good parent knows that the vast majority of kids often do not make the best decisions. They don’t think ahead. They aren’t responsible. They are rather self absorbed. There is a reason for these things. Their brains are not fully developed yet. So, as you deal with kids, remember that no matter how wonderful they are, they are not playing with a full deck. That is why God has given them parents, so they are not left to their own devices to make decisions. My kids will have no choice about it. They will be in church. I hope they will want to be part of it, but they will be their either way. When they are an adult, they will make their own decision, and they will be answerable to God for it. If they choose to walk away from Him, they will not be able to say they their dad didn’t care enough to bring them to church.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:42 pm
I agree with you 100% in your questioning of our cultural archetype of what “church” is. It is very encouraging to see other believers out there with this understanding. I personally would love to find the kind of church body that you describe, but I suppose if it does come into my life it will come in Gods time and by His leading. There are certainly a lot of bad things that come from this institution as well, but God is gracious and loving and I see that right now He has begun a movement across the globe to wake churches up to these iniquities and to call them to be more united with one another. I am so excited to continue to watch Him breathe His life into His bride as my years pass my by, and I am even more excited to be a part of it all and to continue to hear his voice and follow His call.
He is writing a support piece stating that having a solid theological and faith foundation from a young age is extremely valuable. Of course knowledge is not the key to a relationship with God, but His Spirit is by grace. What he is emphasizing is discipline and structure for children that will benefit them in their later years even though it might not be the most fun thing today. It builds a foundation of fulfillment rather than pleasure, joy rather than happiness, peace rather than contentment, the list goes on and on.
Growing up in a community of people who have the Spirit of Jesus Christ living in them is very powerful, and with discipline and attendance (let us not forsake the gathering) we will grow to be more well rounded and solid individuals. Of course this is not a requirement for having these things. God gives these gifts to people supernaturally, others can come to know them very quickly in old age, and I am sure by many other means, but this is something that parents can do to help their kids better learn about God and His creation.
May we become the body we were born to be more and more every day. Let us work toward unity instead of pursuing the false God of a perfect theology (which is unattainable while we are on this earth – see 1 Cor 13: though now we see dimly through a mirror). Let us embrace the love of Christ more deeply with every passing breath and let us give thanks for his loving kindness.
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March 26, 2014 at 5:35 pm
To Destiny — I agree with you in that a church is a business, an organization (even denominations that assert to this day that they are not so find they still need organization and some form of official structure, etc etc etc). And, yes, we must not confuse church attendance with an ongoing process of developing a relationship with the living Christ Jesus, as it is knowing Jesus that saves and remolds us, not church doctrine (as valuable as that may or may not be). Jesus, that is, Who today is a Spirit who embodies the truth set forth in the Word — both His while on earth, and what came before and after from His Father. That said, we western people tend to think of relationship as “Me and Jesus,” but there is a lot of emphasis in the Word about Jesus and His Body, that is, His aggregate body of like-minded followers, a sense of family more than business organization. It is the family connection that is crucial (literally, the word “church” means, “an assembly of like-minded people.”) Many who do not maintain a regular, ongoing connect with part of a regular group crack under the pressures of life and fall away … “woe to the man who has no one to help him when he falls.” Bottom line: for most of us, “church” means “a church” in the classic sense, but everyone who is in Christ needs a “church” (a family of local believers to which they regularly belong and are part of) for their own well-being and safety… the “church” that may meet in a “church” or may not. That’s the focus I had in mind; thank you for your comment!
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March 26, 2014 at 6:38 pm
LIving proof right here that not going to church as a kid damns you for all your life. I’m always excited about going to church every sunday. I love being in an environment where i Know im loved by the most high, but i do see the children sitting in the pews, they sit next to me infront of me behind me. i see how it makes their parents focus on the children and not the word of GOd. and quiet frankly its very distracting to me…but i love seeing the children there and i smile and draw with them sometimes. i go to both the serves my church has to ensure i dont miss anything.
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March 26, 2014 at 3:23 pm
AMEN!
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March 25, 2014 at 6:33 pm
I deeply appreciate what the author wrote here. My wife and I lead our kids in and teach them what I call “gift-reception” – that is, faithfully and gladly receiving all of God’s gifts to us in His Son, Jesus. This comes to us only in the Divine Service, which is the worship service. What we warn our kids against and lead them away from is “gift-rejection” – not caring for or despising Divine Worship, and so having nothing to do with it. When Jesus and His saving gifts are rejected, all that remains is God’s wrath and judgment against those who reject Him, the Gift-Giver. So this is really a matter of faith and trust in God, which He freely and lovingly gives to us, or no faith and a rejection of the Triune God and His gift of faith, which is our fault, not His.
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March 25, 2014 at 7:01 pm
by reading this article we can gain some insight into a very useful …
thanks for the information and thanks for the share
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March 25, 2014 at 7:14 pm
I completely disagree. I think a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is what’s most important not being in church every time the doors are open… I do agree you should be there as often as possible but to worship not for rights of saying you attended… I have worshiped as strongly with my children in the car just singing praise and worship as I have in church before… Then maybe some should just find a different church that their children enjoy more…
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March 26, 2014 at 10:33 am
How are you (or your children) going to have a relationship with Christ if they don’t hear the word preached? The quote “let us preach the Gospel, and if necessary, use words” is absurd. The Gospel is the good news. It needs to be preached and heard for saving faith. Our view of worship is so skewed that we think sitting in our cars listening to music is going to save us or our children. Being with a body of believers, hearing the preached word, fellowship, baptism, the Lord’s Supper, singing hymns and psalms..the Spirit doesn’t do a saving work outside of real, true worship. And if we don’t enjoy being with our brothers and sisters, what makes us think we’ll enjoy enternity with them?
Also, if our children are the ones calling the shots on where we go to church, then we have an issue of picking churches based on how much they have to do for our youth, not how scriptural lay sound the body is. Playing Lazer tag, having lockins, going to the Bahamas on mission trips that have more to do about “finding yourself” than preaching the Gospel to the nations…Satan gets great joy from taking families out of biblical churches to “busy work” for the sake of the kids. I was one of those who had lockins for Jesus and camps. God spared me many a sinful night, and gave me a desire for more of Him and biblical worship, not more “fun”.
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March 26, 2014 at 9:17 pm
I am so grateful my relationship with God is not confined to a building. A personal relationship is personal. I agree that one must hear the Word of God, but that can be accomplished in many different ways. The scriptures, if they speak for themselves, as most say they do, is hearable without an interpreter. I am not saying one should not go to church. If you have a good church family and you are part of that community, then go. If you are the kind of person who needs time alone with God, then take that time. Holiness or a relationship with God is not dependent on attendance in a building.
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March 25, 2014 at 7:17 pm
I agree and disagree with this. I loved your analogy of how a parent cares for their child and does what’s best for them, even if that means putting more emphasis on one thing. As a growing youth pastor, I strongly believe parents need to bring their children to church with them but also bring the Sunday morning worship experience home with them on a daily basis.
Where I disagree is that this may not be the best thing for every family. I say that only because, growing up, my parents never forced me to go to church. They didn’t push for it but they didn’t prohibit it either. As my curiosity grew, I was allowed to learn at my own discretion and attend when I felt myself ready to really start getting into this stuff called Christianity. And all along the way, they were supportive. Not once did they tell me to stop going to church. They told me to stop playing so many video games, stop watching certain tv shows, do better and school; but the one thing they never said was, “Stop going to church”.
Fast forward several years and I am now studying a Master of Arts in Christian Education at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Not saying what my parents did will raise a nation of pastors for everyone; just saying that in some instances, different methods can be used.
Regardless of my (minor) disagreement, I thoroughly enjoyed this article!
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March 25, 2014 at 7:41 pm
Totally agreed. Though, I being a Reformed Presbyterian, would also add baptize them as infants, and catechize them.
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March 25, 2014 at 8:50 pm
Hey Closet, Respectfully, can you tell me the reason for baptizing infants when there is no example of it in the Bible and everyone who was baptized in the Bible heard the good news and CHOSE to follow Jesus. I’ve never heard a solid reason before. Can you enlighten me?
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March 26, 2014 at 7:47 am
John 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.
Psalms 51:5Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.
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March 26, 2014 at 9:36 am
Hi Erin,
Here’s a couple of good resources!
A document by Pastor Bryan WolfMueller: http://www.hope-aurora.org/docs/InfantFaith.pdf
A video by Pastor Jonathan Fisk: http://www.worldvieweverlasting.com/2011/07/15/got-baptism-too-point-oooohhhh/
He gets specifically to infant baptism about 8:20.
Hope that helps! 🙂
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March 25, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Amen…
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March 26, 2014 at 12:55 pm
Baptism cleans you of your original sin. Also, we share in many aspects of christ’s life. Figuratively speaking, We carry a cross just like he did for us. So if we are asled to be like christ, why not share in his baptism as well.
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March 25, 2014 at 8:36 pm
Hot topic!:)
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March 25, 2014 at 9:29 pm
This is paraphrased from a devotion written by Pastor Ken Klaus of the Lutheran Hour ministries relating to those who so vehemently criticize Christianity
TO ILLICIT SUCH A RESPONSE THE WORD OF GOD MUST BE A PRETTY POWERFUL THING.
That’s something many of us often forget.
When Jesus walked this earth, it was His enemies and the forces of evil that saw Him and His work most clearly. While the disciples were still trying to figure out who Jesus was, a devil had already acknowledged our Lord as the “Holy One of God” (see Mark 1:24). On Good Friday the disciples went into hiding, but the religious leaders went to Pilate and talked about Jesus’ resurrection.
Similarly, this man who filed a complaint understands that Scripture can be a pretty powerful — and to his way of thinking — a pretty dangerous thing. And I suppose it is. After all, what other religion has a Savior who died, rose and transforms the hearts of those who are brought to faith in Him? I know of none, which is why His people are proud to proclaim: “Christ lives in me!”
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March 26, 2014 at 6:40 am
Amen!! Excellent words. Thank you for the beautiful perspective.
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March 25, 2014 at 9:31 pm
I absolutely agree! Growing up my husbands family was in church 3 times a week, I however, was not blessed with Christian parents so I was not. I became a Christian later in life. I wish I had parents that MADE me go to church growing up, maybe some of my earlier choices would have been different had I had God in my life. My husband has a much better foundation and understanding of the Bible than I do. Now that we are adults and have 6 children of our own, they know that church is not an option in out home, it is part of our family. If they choose to not follow God when they are older that is their personal opinion. At least we will know that we did what was required of us as parents! As a result of our children going to church 3 times a week our 9 and 14 year old sons love to help with communion and our 6 year old son loves to help take up the offering. Our 10 and 16 year old daughters both sing in our church! As a parent that makes you proud and know that you are doing something right! “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it”
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March 25, 2014 at 9:57 pm
I must disagree, I believe church IS the place you go to get pumped up about life.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:06 pm
I also agree. Church should be fun. no i dont mean sugar coated nonsense on how to deal with stress. we need the doctrine f course. but zzzzzz worship and zzzzz pastor doesnt have to be the way it is. find a churh where you can serve and worship with passion!!!!!!!!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:27 pm
I’m a believer, my parents taught me Sunday was a day for Worship in Church & out, I would not say I was forced to Church, but we were made aware of what Sunday was supposed to mean A Holy Day, God’s day, a day He rested & we were supposed to refrain from work & Play & focus on God’s Word. It did not mean every other day that we did not believe, but worshiping with others in His House of Worship on Sunday was to refresh us & associate with other Christians. It disciplined us to make right choices & our parents sowed the seed, then it was our choice to take the right path in life. With God all things are possible, & when God is in your heart, you can handle anything life throws at you with Love & Respect, your attitude towards others is much better. Without the teachings of God in your life, there’s more violence, less respect, & it’s harder to appreciate the simple good things in life. My parents did not get to Church as often as I did for many reasons, but I knew they were glad I went there & gained all the knowledge that I did. I learned to respect my parents, as today Children rule most parents, I don’t think it’s wrong to be in control of kids to discipline, to force them is a different story, depending on the situation, if it’s for the good to correct something- yes, to eat- no, to try something new- yes, if you don’t like it, try again at another time to introduce. We learn to eat new food over time.I’m a strong believer in what you learn at a young age, stays with you, even if you don’t put it all to use. If you went to church because your mom or dad said to go, & you don’t go now, somewhere, somehow it comes to good use. It leaves a Mark, & when you’re down, you are bound to reach out to God & thank Him for your family & guidance, the seed is there, let it grow!! To Love –Is God’s way & God’s way is LOVE. God Bless!!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:41 pm
Loved it! Right on!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:43 pm
As A PK, I was literally forced to go to church, as well as move to wherever ‘God Led’ my dad in the denomination of his work. This meant changing schools 15 times for me from Kindergarten to High School grad, three high schools. If that wasn’t enough, he dropped the line of ‘I will pay for any college you want to go to, as long as it is _________ (protestant denomination). They happened to have several of these so I chose one for 2 years and another for the last 2 years of college. All this didn’t change my faith in God, but it definitely changed my faith in the __________church. The best way to rebel seemed to go to a denomination of church which still believed the basics but worshiped in a totally different way than the conservative church I had grown up in. I spent the past twenty years in this denomination and my kids were more than willing to come with me to church, even though I was not a leader, just a musician in our church band. As long as the church is a fun place for the kids to go, where they will learn the basics about the Bible, I agree that church should be part of the weekly routine. However, following up with this at home by doing daily devotions before bedtime, praying before meals, and monitoring TV stations (if you have one, I grew up without one so I don’t miss it!), your kids may fall away during the college years but the Bible promises that if you ‘Bring up a child in the way they should go, when they are older, they will not depart from it.” so the most important thing to do is pray!! God will lead them back.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:48 pm
I completely agree with this. I am only 15 years old but my parents decision to take my brother and myself to church each Sunday and Wednesday has made such an impact on us. If it weren’t for that decision I wouldn’t be where I am in my relationship with God. Keep on blogging.
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March 26, 2014 at 6:32 am
Thank you for sharing! Your testimony is very encouraging coming from a 15-year old. Thank your parents for me, and God bless your relationship with Him!
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March 25, 2014 at 10:52 pm
What’s with all the long, over analyzed responses? Thank u for the encouraging article.
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March 25, 2014 at 10:52 pm
Very simple: “Train up a child in the way that he/she should go. And when he/she is old, they will not depart from it”.
Lots of talk about “believing” in God. But then following up with, but I do not have to follow His principles, teachings, commands etc. In other words believing IN God’s existence… but not BELIEVING God Himself. (trusting Him)
Scripture teaches: Do not forsake the assembling together as is the habit of some…. and all the more as you see the day approaching…
Funny how many of the same people who criticize the post, are actually described in the post itself and do not even realize it. They “force” or “require” their children to go to school, eat right etc… but then… on the most important thing that determines their eternity… they want to make it an option.
That’s just silly.
Thanks… great post.
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March 25, 2014 at 11:11 pm
My kids were part of a blended family. I “forced” my two to go to church every Sunday. My husband did not do the same with his two. Now, his two never go and my two are raising their kids in the church. I regret not pushing the issue more with my stepdaughters.
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March 25, 2014 at 11:31 pm
Actually forcing a child to eat when they are not hungry can lead to eating disorders and unhealthy relationship with food so not sure that argument is really a good one. =/ My husband was required to be at the church every time the doors were open – not just sundays. Pretty much every day of the week something was going on so he was required to be there too. So that meant no sports, no band, no science team, and missing lots of invites to do things with friends. And yes he resented it and still resents it. (he saw a lot of the ugly side of church being a PK with a closet dysfunctional family) So much so, many would consider us “unchurched” but he prefers the term “home-churched.” Very similar ideals that have lead families to home school has led him to the idea of “home-churching.” We don’t like the rigidness, we don’t like the negative influence of some members who seem to be preoccupied with hating certain groups then teaching God’s love, and we don’t think the sunday school teachers are any more qualified than we are at teaching our children about Christianity. We actually have several families we get together with for fellowship who have also adopted this idea as the best fit for their families. So yes, there can be blow back from both forcing your kid to eat and forcing your child to be at church every time the doors are open. Sundays? Great. Multiple times a week so they miss out on thing that are important to them… not so much. Be flexible with your child and allow them to blossom. Maintain good roots but allow them to explore interests, make friends, and even sometimes.. question God. Its healthier than force feeding.
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March 26, 2014 at 12:15 am
This is disturbing, so, as long as believe it, I can force it upon my kids? See how well that holds up when you sub Christ for any other spiritual figure. Would you agree that Muslims should be forced by their parents to hate?
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March 26, 2014 at 1:40 pm
Parents have the right to pass their beliefs on to the next generation, but that does not mean every belief system is indeed right. Does any parent, regardless of religion, have the right to teach their children to hate? No. In my opinion, that is “brainwashing,” to use a word I’ve seen often in the comments. Do I agree with the teachings of other religions? No, I do not, but neither do I hate people who hold to those beliefs. I teach my children to discern the errors in those teachings, but I do not teach them to hate. Hatred is not an option.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:38 am
I think it is important to stress and emphasize the way in which one can grow into church. It provides many aspects to a fulfilling life later, which should be brought into the light in a way that is acceptable and engaging for the children involved. Going back to the classroom metaphor: if a parent fosters a sense of wonder or excitement in the subject matter, it will make the student more likely to weather the tough class. I see the interaction between faith and church in the same light. There is a lot of fulfillment in the religion which, when brought to the forefront, can cast the mass in a much more positive light, even for younger children. The job as a parent is not to (merely) make your children go to mass. It is to foster a type love and thought which will lead them to enjoy the mass for what it is.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:47 am
Some keep the sabbath going to church
I keep it staying at home
With a bobolink for a chorister
And an orchard for a dome.
Some keep the sabbath in surplice
I just wear my wings
And instead of tolling a bell for church
Our little sexton sings.
God preaches – a noted clergyman
And the sermon is never long
So instead of getting to heaven
At last, I’m going all along.
-Dickinson
I grew up in a small town in a very baptist part of the world. Everyone knew everyone, everyone’s parents, grandparents, great grandparents, and even everyone’s pets. So it wasn’t a secret to anybody in school that I didn’t go to church. When we were younger, before we were old enough to know not to repeat what we heard, I got plenty of accusations of being atheist, told I was going to hell, and SO much pressure to “come to my church, you’ll like it.” “No, come to mine, Methodists are idiots.” “Falls creek will change your life.” “You are a sinner and you need saved or you’re going to hell” Still today I stumble across a few “You haven’t been baptized? What’s wrong with you?” I remember a kid on the bus who gave me a bible because he KNEW I didn’t have one. I’ve kept one by my bed since I could read, and I actually read it as well. A girl in my third grade class made me cry because she told me I worshiped Satan and was going straight to hell. Gotta love small minded people.
Anyway, Mom and Dad raised me to figure out things for myself. Sure, they taught me right from wrong, as all parents should. But as for religion, Dad always said “as long as you know God loves you and Jesus died for you, that’s all you need. You’ll figure out the rest.” And I thank him for it every day. I wasn’t forced to go to church, I was encouraged to think for myself. And guess what. I did. I’m not atheist. I’m not baptist. I’m not methodist or catholic or lutheran. I’ve been to a plethora of churches and it turns out I don’t completely agree with any of them. I’m just Christian, but most importantly, I’m me. I have a very personal relationship with my Father and I interpret the Lord for myself, rather than let some guy preach what he thinks at me and accept it as truth. Sometimes I think I am more Christian than half the baptists I grew up with. All those kids that were forced to go to summer church camp came back spewing bible verses they couldn’t even understand. (High school was a laugh. All day they’d spit out righteous judgement over the sinners who like to have a drink once in a while. Then come Saturday night they’d get closet-waisted, but were forgiven Sunday morning so it was okay.) They just got brainwashed and repeated what they were told. They never thought about what the words meant, they knew the words and they would say them – that’s all that mattered. I see a lot of adults today doing the same thing. But hey, if that gets you a pass into heaven then good for you.
Don’t get me wrong, churches aren’t filled with morons and it’s a good place to go when you need some general weekly reminders. Taking your kids to church isn’t a bad idea (unless your kid is so little they literally cannot even understand English. Why do people do that? I will never understand…) My husband was raised attending church very strictly and he loved it. He had to do those confirmation classes when he was a kid so he was forced to THINK about what was being said and about how he saw the world around him. I love having talks about religion with him. We don’t see eye to eye on everything but we DISCUSS and it’s fantastic. We don’t judge or fight. I learn things from him and he learns things from me.
I wouldn’t have wanted to earn my religion any other way than by thinking for myself and interpreting the world the way I see it. I didn’t need church to have God in my heart. I turned out just fine! I watched horror movies and played violent video games too. (Granted, when they first started putting zombies in them I ran and hid…. I didn’t win much… But, thanks to Mom, I understood it was a game/movie that wasn’t real and I came out from behind the couch.) It must just be a matter of time before I slip into insanity and start murdering people, right? (eye-roll). Long story short (this is short, I could rant a novel on this topic), be a good parent and encourage your kids to think.
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March 26, 2014 at 3:46 am
I think that I bring a unique perspective to this quandary. My father dated my mother for seven years. My mother was a born again Christian. My father was an agnostic. He fooled my mother into believing that he was born again. ( I’d like to think that he did it out of love for my mother)
Well, mom bought into his lie. They married, and I was the result of that union. Now that gave me a unique perspective. I saw both of their arguments. I chose to go to church for the first 13 years of my life. I’m so glad my mother influenced me, as it gave me a strong background in Scripture. When I was 13, my parents allowed me to stay at home with my dad. After all, what kid wants to her up early on the weekends to go to church when they have to get up early all week to go to school.
My mistake was to marry an atheist Catholic who belittled me every time I picked up my Bible.
I loved her and prayed that I could change her. But I fell into the trap and turned my back on God to do anything to make my marriage work. Of course without God, no marriage can work, so I lost everything. Only when I was humbled to the point of breaking did I remember growing up in the church, the teachings of Christ.
I may not be perfect, for I am a sinner too who enjoys the gifts that this world has to offer. But I am no fool, and know what awaits me after this earthly existence is over. I am often reminded if Jesus’ admonition; ‘render unto Caesar the things that are Caesars and into God the things that are God’s. Thank you God, that you had me at such a young and impressionable age, that while I may have strayed from you, when u returned to the fold, it was with a renewed strength and vigor. I only wish my earthly father could have found the peace that I have found. God bless you and your family Mr. Duncan. I have a crude mouth full of profanities (learned by the way from my God fearing grandmother who had the tongue of a sailor, but the heart of an Angel). My family wa so poor that I spent my summers with her. But her heart and spirit were right with God, and she played an invaluable role in my Christian upbringing. Words do not matter, it’s what’s in the heart and soul that matters in the Eyes of God.
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March 28, 2014 at 1:48 am
Thank You For Your Post! I Also Strayed Off The Path But Thank God I Had People Who Took Me To Church When I Was Little ! When I Was Completely Broken All That Knowledge I Had Heard Came Back To Me I Cannot Explain It But I Was Very Aware That I Was Truly Loved By Those Who Took Me Or Made Me Go To Church. Thank God For Them Because What Wouldve Happened If No One Had Ever Taken Me? What Would Have Happened To Me If I Had No Ropes To Grab Onto To Pull Me Up? I Am Truly Blessed That God Put People In My Life That Took Me And Taught Me What The Bible Says I Do Not Deserve The Ropes That Pulled Me Up But Oh How Happy I Am That They Were There. I aAm Telling You Christ Makes Me Speechless And Humble A Lot And I Just Love Him! Love This Article Gotta Have Seeds Or Some Type Of Church As Child Or The Rope Or Path Will Be Disastrous To Try To Get Back On!! I Fell Away Big Time Grew Up Baptist Hated The Idea Of Church BUT I Will Tell You Right Now I Love The Fellowship With The Believers They Lift Ya Up They Love You There Original Thank You For Your Post!
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March 26, 2014 at 3:54 am
I have to disagree. Growing up my family went to church 3 times a week. There was never an option to not go, unless we were sick. And while I do have many great memories and was taught about Jesus, it was almost suffocating. To the point where as I grew older and began to think for myself, I realized that I didn’t want to necessarily go all the time, if at all. Fast forward several years and now I have children of my own. I tried many different churches in our area and just decided that it wasn’t for us. Do I teach my children about Jesus? Yes! Do they know Jesus as their personal Savior? They sure do. Do they pray? Sing songs about Jesus? Know what Jesus did for them? Yes, yes, and yes. Even at the tender ages of 7 and 4, they know all of this because I taught them. Me, their mother. They didn’t necessarily need a Sunday school teacher to pump the Word of God into them or teach them Bible stories. As their mother, I can be just as effective at doing that for them. My son tells me all the time how much he loves Jesus and talks to Him throughout the day. My young daughter just prayed for me the other day when I was coughing because I was sick. Her simple prayer, “Jesus, help mommy feel better.” All of this because of how I am bringing them up in the Lord. Church might not be a perfect fit for everyone. Does that mean that our children aren’t being brought up right? No! I know many, many adults that grew up in the church with me that are so far from the Lord. I know many people that go to church to have the appearance of being a Christian. It’s all a matter of the heart.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:22 pm
Yours sounds like a wonderful example of teaching in the home! So many parents rely on only the pastor to do the teaching on the Bible and prayer. The Biblical model is for the parents to teach the children and for the pastor to reinforce this teaching at church.
Yet, the Bible still advises us not to forsake the assembling together of believers (Hebrews 10:25). Why? Because we need each other. We need to encourage one another in the faith (v 25). We need to be plugged into the church body (1 Cor 12:18, 27). Especially because we are in the last days. We will need one another’s prayers and encouragement when persecution of American believers begins to occur (and rest assure, it will).
I would encourage you to keep prayerfully trying churches.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:04 am
I would have to say I disagree with this. Some of the best Christians I know do not go to church they read their bibles daily and live for the lord in every aspect of their life. When I was back where I grew up I drew away from the church as it was filled with two faced people. When I had children I never forced them to go to church but I did encourage them to make good choices such as going to church and I did make sure they had bibles and heard the bible stories and that they read from their bibles. You know what my youngest son began to walk to church every Sunday. He did this for 4 years rain snow sleet or shine he went to church. We moved 1000 miles away from every thing and every one we knew and the first thing he wanted to do was find the church he has been going every sunday and Wednesday since. And has even gotten baptized. I NEVER FORCED HIM JUST AS GOD DOESN’T FORCE US. I encouraged him and he responded well. By the way I have 4 children they all go to church every Wednesday and Sunday and they all make good choices.
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March 26, 2014 at 5:59 am
Talk about a bait and switch. I thought for once I was going to read a post by someone with respect for their children and who saw church as more than eating their vegetables. Personally, I was forced to go to church and it very nearly killed my relationship with God. I didn’t force my children and they attend happily. There’s something to be said for being empowered to make your own decision, for owning your spiritual life, not because it was shoved down your throat like zucchini but because you had a desire to go, every week. I find it telling that you compare church to school. We homeschool, feeling that the traditional school all too frequently kills a love of learning and takes away the joy of pursuing one’s own interests. I wanted better for my children in both their academic life and spiritual life.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:12 am
Church is compared to school and vegetables because it is a necessity to life. So often, Church is dismissed as optional and less important on the totem pole of needs and wants. The point of this blog is to say that it is just as, if not -more- important than these things. So often, we encourage our kids to eat their veggies and don’t skip school, yet when we say “No, dear, you don’t have to go to church today,” what does that say to our children? I would rather tell them they don’t need to eat their vegetables or play hooky.
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March 26, 2014 at 6:09 am
As long as they are allowed to have a real education about the world we live in, I guess that’s fine.
Your children, your rules. I can only hope that you won’t reject them like some of you people do when your child tells you, he or she doesn’t believe in your god anymore.
Remember that we were all born atheists.
Also, please, don’t follow crazy people saying that vaccines cause autism and that kind of crap. Don’t hurt them like that.
Lucky for me, my parents didn’t force me to go to church but I was born in Belgium so religions don’t have a real impact on people here.
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March 26, 2014 at 8:12 am
This article is written from the perspective of a believer, born again Christian. As believers, we are following God’s command by “training up a child in the way he should go”….. Yes, I agree that sitting in a church does not MAKE you a Christian, any more than sitting in a school makes you an honor rule student. But as a Christian mom, it is my responsibility to take my child to church, to expose them to the truth of the gospel, allow them time to experience corporate worship, and allow the Holy Spirit to work in their own hearts. That will not happen watching TV at home. As a Children’s Director for a charismatic independent church, I must say that this article was spot on, and I am thankful you wrote it. I will be sharing it as part of our family ministries newsletter. Praying for God’s Blessing on you as you declare the truth. The truth that there really and truly is only one way to get to Heaven…..through Jesus.
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March 26, 2014 at 8:13 am
“And let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, as some have the custom, but encouraging one another, and all the more so as YOU behold the day drawing near.”Hebrews 10:24, 25.
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March 26, 2014 at 8:34 am
I went to church because I wanted to go. My parents never went to church, but I couldn’t wait to go. I went every chance that I could, until I became a young adult. Then life got into the way and I stopped going. I have gone to church on and off for the past 20 years. Seven or eight years ago I started going back and took my daughter with me. She seemed to enjoy going to church with me until she became a young adult and really saw what the people of the church were all about. Our family went through a very difficult time and there were very few people from the church that were supportive. Oh yes, while you are at church they talk a good game about being loving Christians and being concerned about others, but when push comes to shove and my family left the church almost a year ago, there has only been 2 people from this “church family” that cared enough to come talk to me about what the problem was. We have tried going to other churches in town, but you would be surprised at how many churches have their own little “cliques” and are not very inviting to new people. My point here as I ramble on is this. My family watches church on tv more than just Sunday. I listen to devotions every day. We read the bible and have our own mini bible study. We listen and sing Gospel music every minute of every day (I love music!). My families walk with God has become stronger since we left a church full of people who judge and gossip about others. A church that refuses to change or grow and is stuck. In my opinion, you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. Being a Christian is about my walk with God, I don’t have to go to a church one day a week to make that happen.
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March 26, 2014 at 8:49 am
Church was never an option in our home. We we very involved in the music program as well as creative arts. We raised 2 wonderful men. At ages 31 and 27 every Sunday, one is leading worship in Djibuti City, Africa, while serving in the US Army and the other leading worship in Houston, Texas. Both are good friends, compassionate husbands, strong fathers and great musicians. Very grateful.
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March 26, 2014 at 9:44 am
I really just wanted to say I enjoyed all the replies. We’re in the process of leaving our current church. We’re weekly attenders, my one daughter loves going to youth group – my son hates it. So she goes, he doesn’t. We all go on Sundays, we’re members, I sing with the praise band. But it wasn’t ‘forced’. Some weeks my son and husband stayed home. My son has high functioning autism (and I will say to gillouche- not all “crazy people” believe that vaccines cause autism and other problems Some of us are very educated, work for social security disability etc and do not vaccinate our kids because of what is in the vaccines- the governments vaccine injury fund, the fact they’re not safe or effective etc)…. anyway, church is NOT easy for him. Many small churches do not have special needs programs, do not believe in behavioral issues from autism, etc.
Anyway, my point is that I grew up Jewish so as a messianic believer for the last twenty years I love church, it is exciting. I happily have always taken my kids. The last 6 years iwth my son, he doesn’t like it. He will not/cannot be forced to go. So we make arrangments, we work it out.
Now due to some major issues we’ll stop going. Look for a new church. Because church is not the issue I’ve decided- Jesus is. There are ‘hot’ issues. I am not sure I actually believe that the bible is what it is supposed to be anymore. And I actually have a pastor to thank for that. I always believed the bible is the word of God. Period. Now I wonder if through many translations from Hebrew errors were made, the pen was in the hands of MEN even though the word was God breathed.Long story short: My daughter is engaged to a man who has not come to faith yet. Our pastor won’t marry them due to Paul’s equally yoked scripture. He said she should not marry him until he comes to faith. ie. Christians should not marry non-Christians…..sounds racist and unloving, and not filled with grace and not the love my Jesus speaks to me with.
So church can actually ruin the bible for some – or make them question what was cultural/societal and translated or written by the apostles and what was truly the Lords words.
I am ranting. ANyway, it was an interesting perspective, and very well written. I just don’t think eveyrone will agree with you. It rarely happens. Parenting, and church going, and a relationship with Jesus – very personal choices.
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March 26, 2014 at 4:33 pm
As a woman who was at one time engaged to an unbeliever, I agree with your pastor. I read those scriptures and was so convicted. I wanted to fight against them, but I knew they were wise and I needed to follow them.
I didn’t want to be the person in the relationship that was the only one to pray or the only one desiring to go to church. A husband is supposed to LEAD his wife. How can he do that, when she is more spiritual than he is? The Bible compares this to light and darkness. She is a light. He is darkness. What relationship does light have with darkness?
It’s not racist. It’s Bible. People will do what they want to, but remember that in the end the Bible is going to be what we’re judged by. We can’t change it to fit our opinions. We change ourselves to fit its standards.
I’m so thankful I broke off that engagement. My husband is godly. He leads me spiritually. He’s a prayer warrior. I can’t thank God enough for those Bible verses I read about being unequally yoked. God only knows where I’d be today if I hadn’t obeyed them.
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March 28, 2014 at 7:37 am
I Did Marry Unequally Yoked And The Worst Part Is I TriedToConvince My Mother That There Is No Scripture With Unequally Yoked Wording ! Put It This Way I Have Paid For This Mistake Big Time! The Scriptures Sometimes Are Written As Guidelines In Order To Live Life With Joy And Peace Even Thru Storms But When Scripture Is Disregarded Blatantly You End Up Getting Exactly Wat You Wanted. Your Pastor Is Awesome I So Wish He Wouldve Knocked Me Silly With Scripture When I Got Married! I Chose It Now I Live With It I Go To Church Alone With The Kids While My Husband Sits Back And Scoffs At The Foolishness I Believe And Say It Is Awful. I Don’t Wish This Upon. My Worst Enemy
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March 26, 2014 at 10:34 am
I understand where we are going with the post, however there is a key point that we must not miss. A key that I recently found in the book “Parenting Beyond Your Capacity”
The author writes a story about a father and daughter with a strained relationship due to choices the daughter was making. The father’s response was to yell over the issue and force her to go to church with the family.
The father shared this problem with a friend and the response he got is summarized here (it changed my world): “Your daughter is choosing a better story. In her story there is risk, adventure, and pleasure.She is wanted and desired. You are showing her an awful story and forcing her to go to church. You are associating a bad, boring story with God who has a great story. Don’t do that anymore! You have to tell a better story.”
The father was so inspired from the conversation that he purposed his family to build an orphanage in Mexico. The entire family including the teenage daughter got involved. Shortly after, she changed her path of danger and chose the better story. The story that her father had painted of God.
After reading this, my heart’s desire for my children was affirmed. I want them to KNOW God, not just about Him. I want them to be the church, not just go to church.
I must show them a better story than the world offers. I must include them in something bigger than ourselves.
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March 26, 2014 at 10:56 am
i was caught off guard at your “title” so wanted to read and check this out!…i know everyone here has their view on church…Saturday or Sunday…Holy Days or Holidays…the one thing that does Not change is that God is good!!! this taken directly from the word of God, not you or me, but Jesus clearly says in John 14:6 “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”! therefore it is my duty as a parent, no matter what anyone else tells me…to teach my children who God is and his son Jesus and show them God’s word! it also clearly states once again in God’s word, in Hebrews 10: 25-26 “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near”! so yes…I take them to church! when my children graduate from high school and move from my house, i will be able to stand in front of God and say “i did as you told me and gave them the tools” now what they do with their tools is their choice…but not for the lack of their understanding!!! as for me it says in Matthew 5:16 “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven”! so after my children are grown and gone, i will continue to live by example so that if they do turn away, one day they will see the light and “come home” 🙂
thank you for your article…i was caught off guard, but loved your comparison of school…it’s good for our children even if they don’t want to go! ❤
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March 26, 2014 at 11:04 am
I grew up going to church every Sunday morning and evening and Wednesday evening and pretty much any other time the church doors were open. I don’t consider myself forced because I never rebelled. Had I rebelled, I’m sure I would have been forced. I think a big part of why I didn’t feel forced was due to the fact my parents didn’t act like church was a chore or something we had to do. Their attitude was that church is something we GET to do. It’s a special privilege in our country. They loved church and God’s word. And their enthusiasm was passed to us as children. We loved church. We loved learning and growing in the Lord. We went to churches that had phenomenal children and youth programs that taught us the Word on our level. After church on Sunday, our lunch conversation consisted of what we learned in Sunday School and worship service. We had family devotions at home as well. Now that we are grown, 3 out the 4 of us still have a strong relationship with Christ and go to church. I feel like my parents did a great job. Their attitude and example passed on to their children. I feel that is important.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:49 pm
🙂 thank you for your comment…I have 5 children and we go to church on Sundays and Wednesday and any activities we can get to in between!!! 🙂 we love missions work, and anything God throws out way 🙂 I didn’t grow up going to church, my parents were divorced and neither of them went. now my husband and I go and teach our kids who God is and what he has in store for us! it makes my heart happy that you look back at your parents guidance with love and respect…even without you calling it that…that’s what I see in your comment! it’s encouraging to see “the outcome” of parents doing what God tells us to do! ❤
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March 26, 2014 at 11:10 am
Great post! However I wanted to comment on one thing. You asked if my children jump out of bed excited to go to church. My answer is an emphatic YES! My children are young adults and teenagers- 20, 18, 16- and they love going to church. They listen attentively, take notes, ask questions, and are very involved. But I suppose they’re the odd bunch- they like school too and excel with very high marks. God has blessed me and touched the hearts of my kids.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:41 am
This wonderful blog put into words what I believe in a way my meager writing skills could not. My hope is that all parents reading this will take it to heart. The very most important thing you can do for your children in their lives is to guide their spiritual growth. Ya’ll have a blessed Wednesday and come back now, ya’ hear!
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March 26, 2014 at 11:56 am
For those who believe is not a necessity forget what the bible teaches concerning church attendance….forsake not the assembling of youselve as the manner of some are….Hebrews 10:24 (if I remember). Church attendance is to worship our creator. In addition, when children see their parents submit to God, it makes an impact on them. It tell the children their parents believe their is Someone (God) who is more powerful, loving, generous, forgiving…then their parents are. It shouts in action verses words only. James said be ye doers of the word not just a talker.
Good post here.
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March 26, 2014 at 11:59 am
After reading some comments, I feel that some people might not be getting the main point of the blog. When I read this I don’t think the author is saying that if you bring your children to church then they will always stay in church and if you don’t force your children to church then they will never go to church. I think we can all agree that isn’t always the case.
I know of several people who grew up in church and now never attend church and I know several people who never attended church and now are very faithful in church.
To me when I read this, the main point I felt was being made was that it is foolish for a dedicated Christian who believes that Jesus is the only way to heaven to not want their children to come to church.
I am a father of a 4 year old and the thing I want most for him is for him to accept Jesus as his Savior and Lord, because I know that is the best decision he can make in his life.
Basically what a parent is saying when they don’t “force” (not my favorite word to use but can’t think of another one) their child to come to church is while they believe in Jesus it really isn’t a big deal to them.
Last I checked a good parent is one who wants and does what is best for their children even if the child doesn’t want it. So if I didn’t chose to make my child go to church then what I am saying is that I don’t believe Christianity is what is best for my child.
That is the point I feel the author is trying to say. If we believe Christianity is the best thing for us and for everyone. If we believe that Jesus is the only way to heaven, if we believe that there is no better option because it is the only option, if we believe that Jesus of the Bible is true then why would we not want to have our children brought up on that fact?
Here is an example. I am a St. Louis Cardinals fan. I want to share that experience with my son so I do everything I can to make my four year old a Cardinals fan. I by him cardinals stuff, I paint his room like the cardinals, and I take him to games and play baseball with him. The last thing I want is for him to be a Cubs fan (no offense just would work since I am a Cardinals fan), so I do everything possible to make him a Cardinals fan.
I am a christian and I want nothing more than for my son to be a Christian, so I buy him christian books, I talk to him about being a Christian, we sing Christian songs and I take him to church, because I don’t want him to go through life without Christ. That is the point I think the author was trying to make.
I am a youth pastor and believe me, if I gave a child a choice to come to church or not, they would probably chose not to because the pressures that are on them from their friends and society are incredibly difficult. I have been out of school for almost 11 years and it is beyond me the pressure that kids face today.
I could go on and on about this. But I believe the point is more of a logical one. If you believe that Jesus is the only answer, then you should want your children to be surrounded by that as much as possible.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:19 pm
Excellent Cardinals/Cubs analogy. Many people can relate to such a sports rivalry “indoctrination.”
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March 26, 2014 at 12:02 pm
I’m not sure how many Christian parents will read this, just please, please at least think about my perspective.
I’m that child that was raised in a conservative, deeply religious home, had to go to church every time the doors were open, and now doesn’t believe in God at all.
For me (and my siblings after me), being made to go to church throughout childhood just screams that religion can’t sustain itself without indoctrinating children. The more forcefully they made me go to church, the more they shushed me from questioning the Bible, the more I doubted. The more they insisted that “of course you have to go to church and believe in the Bible,” the more obvious it became that Christianity can’t stand up on it’s own merits. When I finally moved out of my parent’s house and learned about logic, critical thinking, science, philosophy, etc., my faith disappeared almost instantly.
This is exactly what’s happening all over the country; young people are leaving the church in record numbers. My parents are both still active in the church that me and my siblings were raised in, and none of us newer generation are religious at all.
Interesting analogy, about going to school and playing in the road! But the difference is pretty clear; cars are large, heavy, and move very fast. Children aren’t stupid; we can tell that there’s a pretty decent reason to not play in the road.
There’s a good explanation for us to not play in the road. This is crucial. Ask your parents a question about their theology not making sense, and you don’t get such a straight answer.
The importance of school takes longer to realize, I admit. But pretty soon it’s obvious that being educated and knowledgeable is better than being ignorant (even if we complain about the work it takes to achieve that education). The alternative to being educated is … just ignorance.
The alternative to Christianity is … countless other religions, that are basically never, ever mentioned (and certainly never seriously discussed) to a child that you’re trying to indoctrinate.
Here’s the simple question to ask yourself; if it’s so obvious that indoctrinating a child in the religion of the parents is so important, then clearly I should force my children to attend many Humanist services, force them to read and memorize The God Delusion, and definitely, definitely never teach them about Christianity, right? Or does that sound horrible and borderline abusive?
That’s what it looks like when Christian parents do it, too. Please try and understand why I’m absolutely not going to do it to my kids.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:17 pm
You hit upon the heart of the matter- “Religion can’t sustain itself without indoctrinating children. The more forcefully they made me go to church, the more they shushed me from questioning the Bible, the more I doubted.” You may mean that negatively, but I see it as a challenge for parents. While you probably think of negative connotations with the word “indoctrinating,” I think of it more as “teaching” or “catechizing” them. If there is a disconnect between what is taught at church and what is practiced at home, you’d better believe kids won’t respect religion. In the context of my other articles (such as The Secret to Church Growth), I strongly encourage parents to live out their faith at home. Teach your kids Bible accounts at home, address their questions sincerely, show them how to pray. As I said in the article referenced above, Parents, “do not expect the church to do in an hour a week what you refuse to do in the remaining 167 hours.”
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March 26, 2014 at 12:11 pm
the problem with organized religion is the obligation you feel to do these physical acts. The physical world is essentially meaningless and the traditions and rules we have been pressured into following by the church is the exact reason why its wrong. The God you follow would never have wanted specific religions and different sects of Christianity. The idea, that most churches believe, that this is the church that has interpreted a book, that Charlemagne forced his people to believe, the best way and all others are living in sin and ultimately going to hell is absolute nonsense. I understand the need for support and people who will help you out of despair, but it should be one universal church. forcing your kids to going to church is only hurting them. its making them closed-minded to people in general and ultimately not teaching that love is number one. Growing up as a Christian for the majority of my life i understand that this is a generalization and not members of the church feel this way, but many do and for a period of time there were people that i thought didn’t deserve my gifts and mercy because they had a sexual orientation different from mine or they got mixed up in a life that was “wrong”according to my standards and the only way to help them was to bring them into only the church of christ and baptize them. This is so far off base i can’t even begin to talk on it. Ultimately what you should be teaching your children is that love is the ultimate goal. Knowing that we are all connected and part of something that is so much bigger than our individual needs and desires. people are all people and we are all part of each other. who you choose to love doesn’t matter, the fact that you love and love unconditionally is what life is about. if you happen to need to be a part of a church along the way, if you need that support thats fine. everyone needs something else. forcing your children into it is not what it is about. love everyone and everything and you will be enlightened.
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March 26, 2014 at 12:56 pm
Believer or not, skeptic or not, I whole-heartedly recommend the reading of ‘Pagan Christianity’ by Frank Viola and everyone can be at ease about ‘going to church’.
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March 26, 2014 at 12:58 pm
Growing up I went to church till I was 8 and after my dad died my mom quit goint to church. At 12 my twin sister decided to start going alone and went most sundays. Still to this day I love church. My husband, on the other hand never missed a sunday from birth through confirmation and also attended Catholic school through 8th grade. Once he was confirmed he never set foot in church till we baptized our son 15 yrs later. Fast forward 12 yrs, he still doesn’t like church and may go with us once a month while the rest of the time I take all 5 kids alone. I think there is such a thing as overkill and also think what you do at home to teach your kids the faith in Christ is much more important than an hr of church a week.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:16 pm
I was forced to go to church every week. Sometimes during the week as well. It actually turned me off of going to church as an adult and decided not to raise my own kids in a religious family. I prefer the scientific approach to seeing the world and if they eventually want to be part of a religion I’ll support them.
-Smackster
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March 26, 2014 at 1:23 pm
I never forced my kid to play with action figures when he was growing up. I never forced him to stop either. Fortunately, he stopped on his own at some point. I guess after he was done pretending that He-Man and Skelator were real, I knew he had grown up and reached a greater level of intellectual independence. When he got older and came to the natural and reasonable conclusion that there is no such thing as a god, I was the happiest man alive. My boy was not going to fall for the same nonsense that others have wasted their lives on. His live was his to live and this world is his to care about because it’s the only one he’ll ever have.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:55 pm
This world is the only temporal one he’ll ever have, yes. But eternity is far too long to be wrong. I know for certain that when I die I will be with my Savior for all eternity. My children know that as well, and that makes me the “happiest woman alive.”
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March 26, 2014 at 4:54 pm
Your argument reminds me of Pascals wager. “Eternity is far too long to be wrong” Yup, Thousands of different religions throughout history and you picked one. You’re probably wrong if there is a god and you’ve wasted time and energy if there isn’t. At least with reliance on the testable you can appease a noble god who respects the wisdom of the scientific method. You gamble far more than I with your position. Your claim to certainty is baffling as there is insufficient evidence to take the god myth seriously. After all, if you were born in Iran, you would be just as certain that Muhammed was the true prophet of your god. Had you been born in india, your certainty would lie Krishna. It’s largely a matter of where you’re born. While your delusion of certainty may make you happy, you will always have to keep reassuring yourself of it for you know deep down inside that you’re talking to yourself when you pray. It’s sad that you’ve pushed it on defenseless children though. Already, they’ve been deprived of the joy and beauty of exploration. Hopefully, when they grow up, they’ll get exposed to reason and critical thinking from someone. Enjoy your day.
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March 26, 2014 at 9:37 pm
I have faith, which is exactly what it says- faith. “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). It’s from the Bible, but it could be a dictionary definition. I believe by faith that Jesus is my Savior, and I am 100% certain (by faith!) that I will be with Him in heaven one day. I am not “pushing it on defenseless children.” I am teaching them this beautiful truth as a loving parent teaches their children all good things. They have reason and are developing critical thinking skills quite well on their own. They ask questions about the Bible and about God. And I do my best to answer those questions, not in a “just accept it because I say so” way, but because I know that this is also a critical part of their faith development. They have not been “deprived of the joy and beauty of exploration,” either. They see the world through the eyes of faith, and explore the world as God’s creation.
You claim “At least with reliance on the testable you can appease a noble god who respects the wisdom of the scientific method.” There is no comfort whatsoever in that belief. I can appease a noble god how? When do I know I’ve done enough good to merit his favor? How many good deeds do I have to do to outweigh a bad one? And who decides all this? No, Jesus’ promises are the only source of true comfort. I know I could never do enough good to merit heaven on my own. But I don’t have to. Jesus did that for me. He took the punishment that should have been mine. He died on the cross for my sins. He rose to life again three days later. His sacrifice guarantees eternal life for me. Does this make sense? Not at all. No one would make this stuff up. It’s far too ridiculous. Christianity wasn’t made up by a couple of guys who wanted to start their own religion. It’s a real, historical religion. And it’s true.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:38 pm
Wow. This blog made me really sad. The article was one part of it and the comments took it to the next level.
Let me quote the last words of Jesus on the cross….”Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
What do you think this means? I know it to be the most accurate description of almost all the people of the world today, particularly the religious. They don’t really know what they are doing. Most people of the world go from here to there, buy this then that to fill up their time in their body. Most people are just not conscious, aware, that there is nothing you need to do or say, that you were always divine, the light if you will. Essentially we are all “God”, all connected, all here to love.
I am happy the church has a new Pope. He seems to understand the doctrines of your belief system. Yes, it is a system and most systems are for control. I was raised Catholic and at the age of 17 I thought, “What do I need to be saved from?” To this day no one has been able to give an answer of any merit. Going to hell? Look at how we are destroying our planet (you know the one God created). I think hell is here, right now. SIn? No because I have never seen any point in hurting people either physically or emotionally. My biggest problem with the bible (besides all the violence it has) is that it puts man at the top of the chain and the rest of the world is for our taking. Again, look out at the world where man lives. It’s terrible. It’s violent. It’s polluted. The reflection of “our dominance” over nature.
I think if Jesus came down he would shake his head in disappointment. So would Mohammed. So would Krishna. So would all the other prophets who came upon this world to teach us that love is the answer and that we are here to just exist and grow as beings (souls in the Christian world). If you really want to take your children to church, take them on a hike outside in nature or to a park if nature has been replaced by a big city. This is the church I believe the Christian God intended us to worship. Why take your children to zoos or theme parks and pay to see animals in cages? Would Jesus or God put animals in cages solely for our enjoyment? Probably not. Yet we do.
Lastly, I have never understood how there could be so much apparent love in a room for an hour and for most of the rest of the week it’s forgotten. You really want to help your kids? Turn off the TV, take away the electronics, and go outside and play with them. They don’t need a savior. They don’t need church. They need love and understanding and compassion. Their minds haven’t been closed yet. That’s a beautiful gift. Please don’t throw it away.
Just be good to one another out there and our planet. Smile at a stranger, open a door for someone, eat less, love more. It’s funny I am not Catholic but I find myself more in line with what Jesus taught than most Christians. Why? Because love IS the answer.
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March 26, 2014 at 1:53 pm
Jesus prayed those words on the cross for me. He prayed them for you. He prayed them for everyone who has ever walked upon the earth. You’re right- our world is broken and sinful and evil. Christians and non-Christians alike hurt each other. It does grieve God. And regardless of what you believe about yourself, you do need saving. So do I. I can try all I want to be nice and live at peace with others, but I am sinful. Period. You mention that “hell is here, right now.” If only that were true. No, hell is complete and utter separation from God for eternity. Jesus already suffered that for you on the cross (as I wrote about in my piece The Lonely Road). He took the punishment you and I deserved, and then He rose three days later to defeat death. Those who trust Him need not be separated eternally from Him. I know for certain that when I die I will spend eternity with my Savior. The Bible does not, as you assert, put man at “the top of the chain.” No, the Bible is about Jesus and His love for mankind. That love drove Him to the cross for you and for me. I can’t think of better news than that!
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March 26, 2014 at 2:13 pm
(Oh, just a P.S. here- I am not personally a Catholic, so when you say the new Pope understands the doctrines of my belief system, that is not the case. I am a member of the Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod and thus have different beliefs than do Catholics.)
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March 26, 2014 at 1:41 pm
I think an important message for older children and teens is that “the whole world is theirs” — that they can explore different aspects of faith and how their faith connects to different subjects — science, literature, the arts, etc. The world of faith should be a constant in family life, and within that world children have lots of room for exploration and self-expression. (So I agree — I never “forced” my child to come to church. We just naturally went to church together because it’s what we do.)
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March 26, 2014 at 1:53 pm
Ironically, I had written a similar piece for our church newsletter a few years ago. That said, I think it doesn’t go far enough. As many comments have pointed out, its not JUST about going to church, whether forced, bribed, or otherwise. The real question is: do you have a relationship with Jesus? If you don’t, getting dragged anywhere will probably not create one.
I tell parents all the time: Jesus is not going to ask me if I (church educator and youth minister) raised YOUR kid in the faith. What happens in the HOME matters 10 million times MORE in faith development that going to church. I can teach your child a commandment that says “You shall not steal” and you can unteach it in a second by saying, “Tell the lady that you are only 11 instead of 12 so we can get you in at the kid price!” If you as a family are not connecting to Jesus in real, meaningful ways DAILY, no amount of dragging kids anywhere will have a lasting impact. If , however, you talk about faith, talk about morals, talk about the Bible, serve together as a family, pray TOGETHER, make sacrifices TOGETHER, help others TOGETHER, your kids will grow faith. Rich Melheim has done some great stuff about how to make this easy and FUN for families in his Faith 5 program. His mantra: every night in every home gives parents some tips for growing real faith in just 5 minutes a day. And I have seen it work in many families.
Do I think kids should go to church? Absolutely. But do I think a 1 or 2 hour per week church service is going to instill a lasting relationship with God? Certainly not, as many here have pointed out.
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March 26, 2014 at 2:10 pm
Absolutely. My earlier article The Secret to Church Growth speaks to the very subject of parents living out their faith 24/7.
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March 26, 2014 at 2:11 pm
There is a balance to this discussion. First and foremost, going to church is not the answer. Knowing your gracious and loving heavenly father is! Forcing any human being to do anything is not and should not be accepted by Christians. Giving children a choice and teaching them that their decisions have natural consequences is important, but teaching them that if they don’t do what you (their parent) tell them they have to do will result in you withholding love and things from them is manipulation and NOT biblical. Showing them grace and love and never-ending forgiveness IS BIBLICAL. The bible does not say take your children to church, it says “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Train them is not a forceful act in the face of a defiant child. It is an example setting, loving, walking beside them, patiently listening, asking questions, earning their trust to speak advice into their lives.
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March 26, 2014 at 2:33 pm
I agree with you… mostly.
First, many kids will grow up and continue to resent school if they are forced in a negative way. When they finally get to the point where they are about to graduate they will say, “finally.” They may appreciate the education they received, but very few people wish they could go back to high school. If we treat church the same way the same will happen. They will resent church, and they may be thankful for parts of it, things they were taught about morality, but it won’t be a place they want to return to. Also, an even worse reaction is if they saw church as an obligation growing up. It’s not an obligation, another task to mark off the to-do list; it is our connection to the body of Christ.
Second, a few of your points contradict. “Do my own kids complain about church? Yes. Do they tell me it’s boring? Sometimes, yes. They say the same things about school. But church and school are different environments for a reason.” So, Church and school are different; however, you opened by saying, “Set in any other context, excuses people make for not going to church sound completely ridiculous. But set in the context of Christianity, people say these things in all seriousness while others nod sagely in somber agreement. My son told me a few weeks into school that he didn’t like the teacher. He wasn’t getting excited enough about learning, and he didn’t really feel connected to the other kids in his class, so I told him he never had to go back to school again. Who wants to waste their time going somewhere where they aren’t being fulfilled?” So… they should be treated the same? See what I’m saying?
I agree with your overall point. We should definitely motivate our children to go to church, we should share our faith with them, that’s important. However, we need to be careful of how we present church. I see so many who see church as a house of hypocrites rather than the house of God. I’ve never seen my mother read the bible outside of church and have only seen my father on very few occasions. I grew up thinking Christianity was a Sunday thing, not a worldview, lifestyle, new creation thing. We have to evaluate how we are leading our children or the state of Christianity in the western world will continue to decline.
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